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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have REALLY told my DD off just now?

123 replies

ShanahansRevenge · 19/12/2010 17:41

She tood and watched her 2 year old sister pull and trash most of the decorations off the stair bannisters....they're ruined now and I stipidly feel somehow hurt.

I know they're kids...but I feel that the 6 year old knows better...I found them screwing things into the bin and laughing....the 6 year old says that the 2 year old pulled them off and tore them up...I don't understand why she would stand and watch!

I would NEVER have done that as child..I loved the decorations...it seems disrespectful and somehow awful to do what they did. It takes something way from it all for me...like they're just paper and not special things. I put a lot of effort into decorating...

I really told them off...and now DH is bathing them early.

I was washing up and never heard a thing..they had been alone for 10 minutes watching tv.

OP posts:
MsKLo · 19/12/2010 19:41

Do you feel you were being unreasonable? If you spend a lot of time putting lovely decorations up you are bound to get upset

I hope you feel less upset soon - they are both only kids, but you are only human and these things grate

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 19/12/2010 20:04

is coldtits, colditz?

Catkinsthecatinthehat · 19/12/2010 20:59

Like Pocketmouse and coldtits, as an eldest child I think you are BVVU. You found one of your kids wrecking the decorations and are happy to admit that you 'went for' the non-offending child, as she's 6. It's not a 6 year old child's job to police her sibling. It's yours as her mother.

As as child if I did wrong I was punished. If my younger sibling did wrong we were both punished as (a) I should have told tales and (b) I was obviously a bad influence and had led him on. I learned pretty quickly to shun him for my own preservation, but he also learned very quickly to drop me in it at the earliest opportunity.

You've punished your child for someone else's behaviour. VV bad.

PocketMouse · 19/12/2010 21:04

Seriously OP - if you carry on with this level of expectation of your 6yo, you'll set your kids up for rivalry and resentment for life!

My little sisters were fucking ratbags, one in particular was very crafty and manipulative and would get me in all sorts of trouble because 'i should know better' and the other one was just violent. One she pushed me down the stairs after we'd been arguing. I was the one that got told off, for provoking her Hmm

The only thing I would say is to make sure she knows she can tell you that her little sister is doing something wrong, without feeling like she's going to get a bollocking for it.

A1980 · 19/12/2010 21:15

I found them screwing things into the bin and laughing

If you found both of them doing this then it sounds as if your 6 yo was just as to blame and they did it together. She is probably just blaming the 2 yo who can't really explain herself or tell you whether it as only her or not. But as you found them both screwing this up in the bin and laughing then they were both in it.

My older brother would take every chance he could could to tell "mummy" about me. I couldn't look the wrong way or say a word out of line off he'd go to report me.

They both did it, they both deserve a talling off and to go to bed early.

YANBU

Original poster
ShanahansRevenge · 19/12/2010 21:20

No Catkins...I foundtem both putting the wreckage in the bin. I DO wish people wul readthe head before commeting.

OP posts:
Catkinsthecatinthehat · 19/12/2010 21:26

I did read it Shanahan - you twice said the eldest stood and watched her sibling's destruction (although both put the things in the bin). You asked "AIBU" and I said yes. Don't post in AIBU if you don't like people disagreeing with you.

Original poster
ShanahansRevenge · 19/12/2010 21:32

I'll post where want Catkin...and I can disagree with anyone I want to.

So you can have your YABU back...I reject it...I also discount your opinions on the grounds that you are boring.

OP posts:
PocketMouse · 19/12/2010 21:36

rofl at "So you can have your YABU back...I reject it."

Grin
earwicga · 19/12/2010 21:38

I hope ShanahansRevenge that both your children get up very early tomorrow, and very quietly, and piss all over your precious decorations.

PocketMouse · 19/12/2010 21:39

oh look.. now I've got to clean the wine off my keyboard. BAD earwicga Grin

Catkinsthecatinthehat · 19/12/2010 21:40

Ooohhh, get you!
You're soooooo boooorrringgg.
Is your daughter 6 or you?

earwicga · 19/12/2010 21:45

I've always been BAD *PocketMouse - I am an eldest child Grin

Catkinsthecatinthehat · 19/12/2010 21:45

While we're on the childish insults of the affronted, please discount my opinions on the grounds I smell of poo as well as being boooorrrrrinnng.

A1980 · 19/12/2010 21:45

I can tell how the last few posters children behave then! They learn by example!

Good for you OP! They deserved the telling off.

cupcakebakerer · 19/12/2010 21:45

I'm sure she knew as it was happening that she should be shouting through, but didn't knowing she might be able to get the little one into trouble. Does she feel like she's getting less attention? Even if that's not the case it's hard being the older one that watches the little one being cooed over. My guess is that she will feel even more sorry for herself now - bless the little mite! Go upstairs, ask her why she thinks you were upset and then have a big cuddle. Santa is coming soon afterall!

dufduf · 19/12/2010 21:47

They wrecked something you love - you got angry and reacted. It happens. YANBU.

I too am the older sibling (by 4.5 years) and I clearly remember handing my 2 yo little sis a fat blue felt tip and encouraging her to draw on my mum's newly decorated bedroom walls!! That time, she got caught and a severe bollocking while I managed to get away scot- free - I did feel incredibly guilty and snuck in her room to give her a big cuddle after her telling off.

I guess the point I'm making is if you weren't there you don't know who instigated what, you've told them off now. Just make sure they understand why it's naughty.

How about when you re-do the decorations you encourage them to join in? It may not look as perfect as you'd like but it may give them a little pride in them and less likely to want to wreck them x

Original poster
ShanahansRevenge · 19/12/2010 21:51

Ear...I hope your DCs shit on yours! Grin

OP posts:
earwicga · 19/12/2010 21:51

They don't have to, I have a cat called Shitty to do that for me Grin

earwicga · 19/12/2010 21:52

(she used to be called Kitty)

winnybella · 19/12/2010 21:52

YANBU.
As you said you saw older DD putting the wrecked decorations in the bin and giggling.

Of course she shouldn't be blamed for every mishap your younger DD get up to, but here she obviously was not only watching but also participating in the destruction.

winnybella · 19/12/2010 21:53

ot at least getting rid of evidence Grin

PocketMouse · 19/12/2010 22:14

I knew this'd kick off Grin

eldests vs youngests.. hehe

edam · 19/12/2010 23:47

putting broken decorations in the bin was the right thing to do, no?

Although on re-reading the OP I see the 6yo claimed the 2yo did it. Probably means they are equally culpable or that the 6yo was the prime mover.

Alambil · 20/12/2010 00:25

YANBU - when DS was 6 he cut all my very new, very special baubles off our tree.

The tree and every other decoration came down that day. It was a week before Christmas and we didn't have any decorations up at all since that day, that year...

tough but good lesson. He's 8 this year and said recently "I will not cut the baubles off this time, mummy..." so he learned his lesson.

I was also told I was being very unreasonable and he couldn't have possibly realised he was being naughty.

He did. He was punished. He learnt - that's discipline. That's how it works!

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