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Original poster

Ridiculous Christmas present situation

127 replies

Fibilou · 19/12/2010 01:28

This is going to be a rant so apols in advance.

Last year I asked my parents for a Pandora bracelet, I really like them and thought that it would be easy for everyone in the future to get Christmas and birthday presents as I could just tick a variety of prices in the catalogue adn people could buy to suit their budget.

FF to this year. My parents don't want to buy me charms, even though I can't think of anything else I actually want. I can't afford to buy them for myself and as they usually spend around £150 on me it would have been nice to have had a few charms. I don't really understand why they bought it to start with if they didn't want to get new bits for it in the future.

Then MIL phoned me the other day and asked what I want for Christmas. They usually spend about £25-30 on me so I said that I would really like a new charm for my bracelet. MIL said "but I thought you had charms for the bracelet" Confused I explained that I would like a new one. Clearly not keen on this idea she said "Dh said you needed some new clothes" Angry I do NOT want new clothes, I loathe buying clothes as I am a 20 so shopping for clothes is not some joyful experience. I said no, I don't want to buy any new clothes really. "What about a Monsoon voucher" "No, I'd really rather not to be honest as I just don't want to buy any clothes".
Well the conversation ended that I am getting the voucher whether I like it or not. As we all know there's not much in Monsoon for £25 so I will either end up spending it on DD or will have to put money towards a purchase.

I can't understand why people ask you what you want, you say something within the price range adn they still won't buy it and then buy something you specifically say you don't want. The charms are easy for MIL to get as she works just up the road from a Pandora shop. She did this last year, I said "I really don't want any toiletries, I have so many that I'm trying to use them up". What did I get ? Smellies....

OP posts:
spidookly · 19/12/2010 13:24

I agree tingle

DH's family do this and it's ridiculous - "so we're buying them a breadbin, and they're going to buy us a pizza stone? Why don't we all just equip our own kitchens and enjoy Christmas as a time to spend time together?"

Choosing a gift for someone is not about giving them something they already want, it's about giving them something from you that you have invested thought and effort in. If you take that bit away it's just pointless.

orangepoo · 19/12/2010 13:27

This has probably been said, but put the monsoon voucher on eBay and put the proceeds towards a charm.

Monsoon is fine for people who like their clothes and can afford them, but personally I wouldn't buy anything in there even if I had a voucher - I would simply sell the voucher. Even the children's clothes in there are way to fussy for me, I just like basics that can be washed and dried easily.

tingletangle · 19/12/2010 13:27

I don't do the whole gift thing but I agree sidookly if the only effort someone has gone to in buying me a present is to click buy on a website or nip in a shop they pass anyway what is the point. I hope the people who buy me gifts are doing so because they know me, so they would know what I want.

As it happens people do know me so I get nowt. Grin

muminthemiddle · 19/12/2010 13:32

I think as well to build up a child's hopes and then get them something completely different is a bit off.
Don't want to sound ungrateful and if someone doesn't ask then their is no level of disappointment. But to ask what someone would like and then to get them something entirely different is a bit wierd to me, especially if it then prevents others from buying that same gift. I tend to tell sil if I am buying a specific cd/dvd for dn, after checking with her that it is something they would appreciate. After all I wouldn't want to waste my money buying them something they already have.

muminthemiddle · 19/12/2010 13:36

Btw for myself I actually enjoy doing secret santa at work. It is interesting to receive something that others think suits you what you might not have thought of getting for yourself iyswim.

SantasENormaSnob · 19/12/2010 13:49

yanbu

What is the point of them asking in the first place if they are just going to ignore your answer? Xmas Confused

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 19/12/2010 13:56

MIL always asks me what to get Dh, and gets it for him

She always now asks me about stuff for the kids, and consults me on what sizes to buy for them after a series of mishaps in sizings

but never asks me what I would like - never even asks Dh

hah well,thats life!

happysunshinedays · 19/12/2010 14:10

Ooo! Did I hit a raw nerve?? Yes, I probably am a bit jealous. You're still spoilt though!

FrostyAndSlippery · 19/12/2010 14:14

I am really lucky, my mum asks if there is a big gift we'd like (my and DH's birthdays are very near Xmas so it's a joint gift) - a couple of years ago they bought our wii for us. If there is nothing specific I want, she either takes me shopping or gives me a cheque and orders me to get something lovely :)

This year I said I'm earmarking some for a baby signing course, she was a bit sad that it wasn't strictly For Me, but I convinced her that it IS for me because I want to do this with DS and no way could I afford it otherwise. So she's happy :)

My nan gives us money to choose how we spend on us and the kids. But now she's putting it on a Boots Giftcard - perfect for us as DH is a manager for them so we get a great discount - we are using the Giftcard on boxing day and will probably get most of our DCs birthday presents with it!

Scaredycat3000 · 19/12/2010 14:47

"Choosing a gift for someone is not about giving them something they already want, it's about giving them something from you that you have invested thought and effort in. If you take that bit away it's just pointless."

But my problem is that MIL has not "invested thought and effort in" any present buying ever. In nearly 15 years she hasn't put any effort in buying me a present, just getting as many bargains as she could find, or things she liked. One of her bargain buys was, for each of her bearded sons, razor with 2 blades and Nivia sachets that only fit a specific electric razor, which none of them have. I still feel like I was the first chance to buy girly presents, except I am an eternal Tomboy.

Now that is pointless.

StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 19/12/2010 14:52

Gift-giving is a complicated business.

However, it is not an ordering system for stuff you want. At least not in my eyes. It's meant to be an exchange of thoughts and feelings between people. Treating your relatives like an argos catalogue seems horribly mercenery (sp?) to me.

piprabbit · 19/12/2010 15:01

I'd love to understand the thought process that goes "Hmm, X would really love a charm for her bracelet. What shall I get her? I know, a voucher for a shop that doesn't stock clothes in her size".

Why? Why would you do that?

MamaDeer · 19/12/2010 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrostyAndSlippery · 19/12/2010 15:21

My mum was awful at choosing presents when I was young (she feels quite guilty about it now bless her)

More than once in my teens I was given a scarf and she said "well, I figured if you don't like it, I'll have it." thanks mum Hmm

ChippingIn · 19/12/2010 15:44

I'm not very good at choosing presents. I think it's because I am very --fussy- particular myself. I spend ages & ages (& ages) shopping, but end up frustrated & upset because I can't find anything. I hate to waste money & clutter up other peeoples houses with things they don't want/need/like but I just don't know what to buy. It seems like everyone can afford to buy the things they need/want/like. I would love to be the sort of person who just looks at something and thinks 'Oh x would love that' but I'm not. It really does upset me :( So generally I am very happy when people have a list that I can choose from, especially if it's specific - so, not 'a jumper' but x jumper from x shop in x colour. Then I can choose the things they like and I like most -

SE13Mummy · 19/12/2010 15:54

This website is what we use in our family... DH and I are each one of three, our siblings are all married to others in families of at least 2 other children so co-ordinating who was buying what for whom seemed like it was spoiling the selecting of gifts, especially once children arrived.

Throughout the year we update the list with general ideas (although one of my SILs goes for more specific items) e.g. DD1 is really into Sylvanian Families at the moment, she has the car but would love some more figures or DD2 doesn't need any toys but doesn't have any summer clothes (aged 12-18 months).

This gives others in the family an idea of what the children/adults are into if a giver is after inspiration, if a giver enjoys choosing 'blind' there's nothing to stop them doing so.

oldraver · 19/12/2010 16:03

My Mum is usually generous with pressies but did have a habit of buyi g things we already had, for me usually clothes. She once bought DS an almost replica of a baby jigsaw (the ones with the pegs) and a scribbler the Christmas after I had bought his. She always says "Oh I know you/he would like it as you/he already has one"... To me its just a waste of money and if she buys things the year after I have they usually are not age appropriate. One summer I worked out she had wasted £100 buying him replicas of what he had

Original poster
Fibilou · 19/12/2010 17:42

"Op, you say you don't enjoy choosing clothes, do they think you need to be smartened up and are trying to be helpful?"

Nope, it's definitely not that. I own no casual clothes whatsoever, don't have any jeans and am always pretty formally dressed (to the point where I can't wear anything to a dress-down day at work).

HappySunshine, it's great that you can tell so much about someone's character by one post on the internet. You really should go in for some psychic work

OP posts:
cumfy · 19/12/2010 18:09

Fib do your rellies give specific requests ?

BigChiefOrganiser · 19/12/2010 18:16

YANBU.

When DS1 was born SIL/BIL asked what we would like. We thought a memory frame as a keepsake would be great, so asked for that.

They bought, a pack of pampers (which we weren't using), pj's/dressing gown for a 2yo, and an annoying teddy that sang. All of it costing more than what we had suggested.

cupcakebakerer · 19/12/2010 18:25

I am going to sound like an absolute Scrooge but I hate this aspect of Christmas. You end up with a load of stuff you don't necessarily want and vice versa. I think it would be absolutely lovely to have a couple of hundred quid to spend on people but I really struggle finding stuff for £20 and just feel I'm throwing money away on tat. It's so wasteful and silly. Rant over.

Snakeears · 19/12/2010 18:29

How about accesorize?

tyzer2001 · 19/12/2010 19:14

YANBU.

If someone prefers to choose surprise gifts for someone, that is their absolute right. But then they should not ask what the person wants.

My friend asked me what I wanted and I said 'I would very much like 'x' book please'. Several days later someone else said 'I see that author you like has a new book out, would you like it for Christmas?'
No, said I, xxx is getting me that but thankyou anyway.

Then my friend texted me to say she 'couldn't find' the book I wanted so had got me the autobiography of a stand-up comedian instead 'because I know you think he's funny'.

Yes, ON STAGE. I don't particularly want to know his life story, and the book I had asked for is available EVERYWHERE.

I do hope she gives me the receipt.

Original poster
Fibilou · 19/12/2010 21:07

all I can assume is that these people who ask what you want and then give you something totally different must have already bought the thing you didn't want and are hoping you'll say it.

I love Monsoon clothes, no problem with sizing but a £25 voucher will mean putting money towards something, which we don't have or spending the £25 on a selection of "nothing" bits in Accessorize. Neither situation is ideal but I could have got what I wanted with the £25, which is a new charm.

OP posts:
fireblademum · 19/12/2010 21:52

i tell relatives to get us tesco vouchers if someone cant think what to get us and dont want to give cash. i buy essential groceries with it, then spend the cash on something nice we want and show/tell them what the nice item was. no one in my family thinks this is odd or unacceptable!