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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ridiculous Christmas present situation

127 replies

Fibilou · 19/12/2010 01:28

This is going to be a rant so apols in advance.

Last year I asked my parents for a Pandora bracelet, I really like them and thought that it would be easy for everyone in the future to get Christmas and birthday presents as I could just tick a variety of prices in the catalogue adn people could buy to suit their budget.

FF to this year. My parents don't want to buy me charms, even though I can't think of anything else I actually want. I can't afford to buy them for myself and as they usually spend around £150 on me it would have been nice to have had a few charms. I don't really understand why they bought it to start with if they didn't want to get new bits for it in the future.

Then MIL phoned me the other day and asked what I want for Christmas. They usually spend about £25-30 on me so I said that I would really like a new charm for my bracelet. MIL said "but I thought you had charms for the bracelet" Confused I explained that I would like a new one. Clearly not keen on this idea she said "Dh said you needed some new clothes" Angry I do NOT want new clothes, I loathe buying clothes as I am a 20 so shopping for clothes is not some joyful experience. I said no, I don't want to buy any new clothes really. "What about a Monsoon voucher" "No, I'd really rather not to be honest as I just don't want to buy any clothes".
Well the conversation ended that I am getting the voucher whether I like it or not. As we all know there's not much in Monsoon for £25 so I will either end up spending it on DD or will have to put money towards a purchase.

I can't understand why people ask you what you want, you say something within the price range adn they still won't buy it and then buy something you specifically say you don't want. The charms are easy for MIL to get as she works just up the road from a Pandora shop. She did this last year, I said "I really don't want any toiletries, I have so many that I'm trying to use them up". What did I get ? Smellies....

OP posts:
tingletangle · 19/12/2010 11:20

I think a hint to your MIL would be really rude actually.

You will get something in the sales.

CrazyChristmasLady · 19/12/2010 11:28

I think its rude of the MIL to ask what the OP wants, then when its something that she doesn't agree with, tells her about something else and when the OP says its not something that she wants, the MIL says she is going to get it anyway. That is really rude to me.

SeaTrek · 19/12/2010 11:30

I don't think it is incredibly selfish just more lacking in real thought or empathy. Possibly a little self-obsessed rather than selfish?

MIL/FIL often buy DH T-shirts/tops/sweaters in colours other than black/dark blue (which he pretty much only wears). They KNOW he doesn't like/want to wear those colours but they think he should. Does he wear them? No. They bought him a picture in a dark frame (we don't have dark frames anywhere and they know the angst we go through selecting art/decor that we both like) for Christmas last year. THEY liked it, that's why. I get a load of random stuff from the National Trust shop - I guess because they like looking around the shop. I did consider doing the same for them but I knew that wasn't really what they wanted so I couldn't bring myself to do it (they give us a list of exactly what they want, if we ask). It is all a bit strange and well worth missing. I cannot help but think their presents are passive-agressive sometimes...I try to get them down the charity shop as quickly as possible.

RockinRobinBird · 19/12/2010 11:34

So can someone plead explain to me why it's ok to moan that people won't get you what you want for Christmas but if you dare have a wedding list you're greedy and grasping and should be grateful for what you get? Double standards?

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/12/2010 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrazyChristmasLady · 19/12/2010 11:39

I think wedding lists are a good idea.

PadmeHum · 19/12/2010 11:40

I think you sound a bit precious.

If I ask somebody what they'd like for Xmas or Birthday, I use this as a guide to their overall taste.

I would be pissed off if somebody told me what they wanted for Xmas and then got stroppy if I decided that's not what I wanted to get them.

your attitude is a bit ridiculous TBH.

tingletangle · 19/12/2010 11:40

I didn't have a wedding list either.

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/12/2010 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinselInDisgrace · 19/12/2010 11:44

I hate receiving present for this reason. I honestly wish people just wouldn't bother and spent the money on themselves. I really don't need a Christmas present (or a birthday present) and honestly would be happy not to receive anything.

My mother always used to buy me the kind of crap my sister would like. I absolutely never like any of it and really wish she wouldn't waste the money. I haven't been home at Christmas for a couple of years so she's sent me money (pointedly, she sends nothing for DH at all and doesn't in any way acknowledge his birthday). She sends me flowers for my birthday, which is fine. The main issue I have is in getting her to not buy the kids piles of crap. I tell her one thing they'd like but she insists on buying millions. It's a nightmare. I dread receiving presents.

My step-dad's family are even worse. They always buy the kids some cheap crap clothes they'll never wear (and which are usually for girls despite them both being boys). I wish they'd save their money.

FrostyTheCrunchyFrog · 19/12/2010 11:49

I'm afraid I infuriate my family - they ask me what I want, and I say "Presents." Grin

The way I see it, I don't need anything, not really, so I like seeing what people choose for me. I hate it when people ask for lists - with links - for things to buy the kids, because I want them to choose.

Although I have asked people not to buy presents for DS2's birthday, which is on NYD. Smile

It can, of course, go a bit wrong - this year my sister and I both have the same gift set of smellies from our father, which he bought in the sale in January for his "future gifts" cupboard. And neither of us can use them due to being fussy delicate wee flowers. But still, thought that counts etc.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 19/12/2010 11:51

It sounds to me like she'd already bought the voucher fibilou!
I suppose you could use the voucher inthe accessorize section- lovely handbags, jewellery etc!

I would love to have someone as easy to buy for as you, woud be a blessing to not have to cruise the Internet/ march round the shops!

TrillianAstra · 19/12/2010 11:55

That voucher swap website looks very useful.

Mercedes519 · 19/12/2010 12:18

What's wrong with having a wish list. I don't have loads of money to buy things I want but don't need so I love getting these as gifts. It means the gift is guaranteed to bring me pleasure, what's wrong with that?

DS has a wish list too because he has some very kind relatives who don't see him enough or come to our house to know what he already has or likes playing with this month and want to get him something he likes and will play with.

The alternative is Badedas bath salts, smell like pine cleaner, gritty under bum and shows no thought at all.

FrostyAndSlippery · 19/12/2010 12:37

I really don't know how I feel about this. I think it depends on the individual circumstances (cop out sorry!)

Certainly your MIL is very rude to openly give you something you don't want.

In other situations though it CAN be rude to ask very specifically for something. Often, people are just asking generally "what SORT of thing would you like" (to which the answer might be DVDs or make up or whatever) rather than effectively saying "choose me what you want and I'll pay for it" - there is a big difference.

Eg my very wealthy friend is openly very happy to buy a specific thing if we want - he's getting DD a Numicon at home kit because we can't afford it. Same with my parents, they got her a Kidizoom as it was our entire budget. OTOH when my other friends ask, I know they love choosing so I just give them a vague idea.

TrillianAstra · 19/12/2010 12:45

I think the trouble is when someone's belief in their skills at choosing gifts out weigh how good they actually are at choosing gifts.

So someone who thinks they are brilliant at picking presents might ask you what you want and you say 'I'd like an X please, I like ones that are like this....' and they think 'Actually I am better at knowing what you like than you are, so I will get you a Y, which is better than an X'.

If they really are brilliant at picking gifts, you will open it and think 'Wow, I woudl never have thought of getting a Y but now I have it I see that it is brilliant, thank you so much'.

If they are not, you open it and think 'Why did you bother to ask me what I wanted if you were going to ignore my answer and get me this crappy stuff that I don't want?'

TrillianAstra · 19/12/2010 12:47

*outweighs

TrillianAstra · 19/12/2010 12:48

or something

Georgimama · 19/12/2010 12:53

It's our little chance to shape people in our image of how we would like to be, buying presents. In general people don't want to be shaped, hence why I have given up trying to buy things I think they should want.

muminthemiddle · 19/12/2010 12:54

If someone asks what you would like and you tell them, then providing it is within their price range and easily accessible to them then I don't see what their problem is.

My mil once asked my dd what she would like she replied x cd. Not too expensive and definately easy to get. I didn't buy dd it as she excitedly told me that mil was buying it her.
Christmas day came and imagine the look on dd's face when she unwrapped..........an old fashioloned cardigan which dd will never in a million years wear.
YANBU

lovechoc · 19/12/2010 13:06

I've said to MIL and my own mum that I don't want or need anything and to just buy for DC!Means I have hinted I don't want any tat but always get landed with it...

YANBU - I can sympathise with you, OP.

JamieLeeCurtis · 19/12/2010 13:07

I don't have general problems with Wedding Lists RockinRobin - because it's nice to get something they want. However some lists do slightly take the piss in terms of how expensive the stuff is.

JamieLeeCurtis · 19/12/2010 13:09

... which is obviously not the case in the OPs example, so that's why she's not being greedy or grasping, and why I said earlier I think it's perverse of her.

tallulah · 19/12/2010 13:13

One year MIL asked me what I wanted and I asked for a specific (paperback) book. It had only just been released and was on special offer at just about every shop in town, on the main display as you walk in the door. I told her what it was called, who it was by, and which shops had it. On Xmas morning I opened.. a book token. (I was looking forward to reading it over Xmas- the shops are obviously shut)

Since then I haven't bothered asking for anything. Each year she gives me a box of sweets and a £10 note.

Georgimama · 19/12/2010 13:20

I got a Michael Bolton album instead of the (now forgotten) album I wanted from my aunt. She had asked and I had told her. My mother's response "it's a tape isn't it?"