Ridiculous Christmas present situation

[Fibilou]

This is going to be a rant so apols in advance.

Last year I asked my parents for a Pandora bracelet, I really like them and thought that it would be easy for everyone in the future to get Christmas and birthday presents as I could just tick a variety of prices in the catalogue adn people could buy to suit their budget.

FF to this year. My parents don't want to buy me charms, even though I can't think of anything else I actually want. I can't afford to buy them for myself and as they usually spend around £150 on me it would have been nice to have had a few charms. I don't really understand why they bought it to start with if they didn't want to get new bits for it in the future.

Then MIL phoned me the other day and asked what I want for Christmas. They usually spend about £25-30 on me so I said that I would really like a new charm for my bracelet. MIL said "but I thought you had charms for the bracelet" I explained that I would like a new one. Clearly not keen on this idea she said "Dh said you needed some new clothes" I do NOT want new clothes, I loathe buying clothes as I am a 20 so shopping for clothes is not some joyful experience. I said no, I don't want to buy any new clothes really. "What about a Monsoon voucher" "No, I'd really rather not to be honest as I just don't want to buy any clothes".
Well the conversation ended that I am getting the voucher whether I like it or not. As we all know there's not much in Monsoon for £25 so I will either end up spending it on DD or will have to put money towards a purchase.

I can't understand why people ask you what you want, you say something within the price range adn they still won't buy it and then buy something you specifically say you don't want. The charms are easy for MIL to get as she works just up the road from a Pandora shop. She did this last year, I said "I really don't want any toiletries, I have so many that I'm trying to use them up". What did I get ? Smellies....

sorry, that was "I do NOT need presents from anyone"

I don't see why it's perverse not to go along with your suggestion if I ask and you want something I think is totally shit/don't know how to choose/can't purchase nearby/can't afford

I don't ask anyway. Then again, I think Christmas improves the less focus there is on presents for adults who can buy their own suitcases/clothing/charms

Actually my mother really couldn't afford to buy her own suitcase. She lives on a state pension and basically goes without new clothing and other essentials so she can afford to go and see one of her children, who she would otherwise never see again.

"something I think is totally shit/don't know how to choose/can't purchase nearby/can't afford"

-She doesn't have to choose it, I marked the ones I liked in the Pandora catalogue

• She works near a Pandora shop and passes it every day on her lunchbreak
• if you read my original post I said they usually spend £25 - 30 on me. I marked charms priced from £15 upwards

And as for you "I think it is totally shit" . So what you're basically saying is that you would disregard what your recipient would really like and enjoy because you don't like it ? How very superior of you

"All sounds a bit spoilt to me!"

Ah yes, the traditional MN kneejerk reaction - "you've got more than me so I am jealous and am going to accuse you of being spoilt instead of actually reading the argument and thinking about it in a logical way". How incredibly pathetic.

I hate "asking" for gifts, so usually just say "surprise me" to close people (DP's family) or books/book tokens if I'm pressed for suggestions. I have an agreement with my good friends that we don't waste the money, and we do each other favours/buy drinks/coffee during the year.

BUT, if someone has taken the trouble to ask you what you want them to buy you, they should have the courtesy to respect your answer!!

YANBU My mother for years on end complained it was SOOO hard to buy us presents and that we lived so far away and it was hard to post it and it made it SO much harder.. Finally dh and I found a cutlery set (georg Jensen) we both loved and said ok we will collect that FFW 2 years " Oh but its borring to buy you all the same"

YANBU. If your parents and mil had not asked what you wanted and just got you something, fair enough.

But they did ask, and you answered.

Don't understand why someone would buy something the recipient would not like.

i suppose because a Pandora charm is such a small thing people might not want to buy them (iyswim)
dps mum asked what we'd like for dd2 for her 3rd birthday, i sent her a list ie 'we've got her the cinderella disney costume but she doesn't have the dvd\a playset, she's getting a bike but hasn't got a helmet-etc etc.' MIL sent two rooms of furniture to go in the playmobil dolls house (duplicating what we already have...)

I'm getting to the stage where I want a box to open on christmas day which I'm aware is brattish ++ (sometimes I think I'm 30 going on 3).

However the vast majority of my family want to give cash so that you get what you want.

This year after much prompting my parents (ie Mother) bought me some skiing gear (after I'd shopped for it, then e.mailed her the link exactly for a local sports shop).

Sadly it then snowed really heavily and i've been out skiing a few time already so she unwrapped it and gave it to me early as she didn't want me to ski without it (it's safety gear)......

So I STILL don't have anything to open ........

I have to say though I asked my sister what she would like. Didn't fancy any of it so have given her something quite different

The whole present-giving thing is a weird business. In an ideal world we should give presents unconditionally, thinking only of the recipient and expect no thanks or anything in return. In reality when we give a gift we put ourselves and our feelings on the line in a small way and expect or even demand gratitude. We feel that presents and how they are received reflect on us as people. It's a bit mad really.

My dad is the worst gift recipient in the history of the world. If you ask him what he wants he'll tell you he wants nothing and then if you try to buy him something he'll openly tell you he doesn't like it. His catchphrase is "What do I want that for?" We used to all get pissed off about it but when you think about it logically there's no point in him pretending he likes presents if really he doesn't. So now we get him a bottle of wine for every occasion (the one thing he does like) and he never complains because that's what he would buy for himself. We finally stopped imposing our present ideas on him, expecting him to like them and expecting him to validate us by being grateful and just listened to what he was telling us instead. Buying presents is no longer and angst-ridden exercise in futility, it's the simplest thing in the world and everyone's happy :)

I do totally empathise with the issue of being asked what you want and not being listened to. Anyone who knows me in any way at all will know that a book from the 3 for 2 table in Waterstones will be a guaranteed hit with me, yet only one good friend of mine ever buys me books. Everyone else gets me perfume (which I detest) and other girly stuff that goes mouldy on my shelf. Sigh.

Opinionated what do you mean you didn't fancy the stuff your sister asked for? Surely the issue is whether she fancies them?

And Opinionated encapsulates the whole point of this thread. It's a present for your sister, not you. You don't have to like it, you just have to be confident that she will.

The only thing I refuse to buy anyone is cigarettes (PIL ask for these every year, MIL has emphasyma (sp) and I am not going to hand her a shovel to dig her own grave). Otherwise people get what they actually want, which is not necessarily the same thing as I would like them to have.

When I was about 17 and getting involved with lots of camping trips, the occasional music festival, the odd party I asked my Mum for a really nice, warm sleeping bag for Christmas or birthday.

She hates camping, and probably wouldn't get the concept of a warm, high tog, four seasons sleeping bag.

But I remember her saying "A sleeping bag ! Don't you want something nicer than that" Or whatever. Probably said "Wouldn't you like a nice, new coat ?"

Clothes as a present can certainly be a disaster and a waste of money.

In fact I feel girls come out badly compared to the boys.

• My brother has got tonnes of stuff he's asked for over the years - even a sax he's hardly ever played !

Grrrr ! That sleeping bag would have come in so handy over the years -
sleeping on foreign beaches, and in friends freezing flats !

Why do people find it so hard to give you something you'd like and use !
Sure it's nice if there's a link between giver and receiver, something you might both enjoy.

But not just something the giver likes !
Or things would do you good !

STEWIE - I second the wish list.

I know some people hate them, but, you make a list of things you actually would like, people look, people buy (or not), but, at least this way you are giving ideas out (they ask).

One person always bought me stuff I was unable to use on my sesnitive skin, it was always given away every year, but, this year i've got my fingers crossed as the list has the stuff on it that I can use.

Sorry that should have been,
Or thinks would do you good.

Can you not ask for a voucher for somewhere else where you can buy stuff for £25 eg M&S/john lewis.

Neither of them are going to budge on the charms, they want to buy clothes - so call back and say:

"You are right, clothes would be lovely, but please don't buy monsoon vouchers as so hard to get something there in my size, and the stuff is so expensive i'd never find anything other than a scarf/hat for £25, John Lewis (M&S etc) would be much better"

People buy what they want to recieve and will not buy stuff that they think is a waste of money.

My parents do this with my children. We've bought them new toys so I asked if they would buy a new coat/mini scooter (to travel to school). So what does she buy him? Loadsa random toys. I am, of course, grateful but why bother asking!?

YANBU

The stuff my sister has asked for failed my longevity test. Ie it is disposable crap which I feel doesn't represent value for money.

The one thing I would have got her (her perfume) is only available on import from the US and costs a fortune.

I've bought her something that I know she will like (and had in fact asked my parents for) so don't worry.

Way I see it, if I asked what my nephews wanted and got the reply 'nerf guns' or 'Call of duty game' I would go out and get something else, regardless. I have no idea what a pandora charm thing is but it may just be something they really don't like, which makes it difficult for them to buy for.

It may be a bit precious to not want to buy certain things even when you know it is what the recipient wants, but I think it is equally unreasonable to suggest only one present idea when asked

I think you sound a little spoiled to me, if I wanted a particular bracelet or charms I would go and buy it for myself.

You don't have the rght to dictate how people spend their money. I find the idea of adults making Christmas lists bizarre

How annoying. YANBU.

I really don't understand if your parents spend that much on you why they would object to getting you some charms?

I would make sure the Monsoon voucher went on your DD with a hint to your MIL that they don't have anything in your price range/style etc.

My nan is a little bit like this. She thinks that I need loads of little presents to open so I always end up with notebooks, smelly things to hang in my wardrobe, a magazine I won't read and other things that I won't use as I still have the stuff from the year before. Her reason is "you have more to open" no matter how many times I tell her I would rather the money went towards one present than lots of little bits that I won't use. Even when I give her ideas of little things, she doesn't get them as its not something that she wants to get.

It drives me mad as it is a total waste of money which I would rather she didn't. I tell her the same thing when she buys other people presents that really aren't a great idea, picnic basket for a 20 year old? I am genuninely trying to help her but she doesn't get that!