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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel fed up collecting friend's child from school

47 replies

LittleBlossom · 16/12/2010 17:12

My friend works and often has trouble getting to school on time, will text or call me to get me to pick up her boy. I'm just getting so fed up of it! I think it's also as the school want to know in advance `(at atart of day) and so there's always a fuss, then she turns up in a cab and rushes off. I have a hectic toddler and it's really tricky keeping him occupied as the children come out in the first place, never mind waiting about.

OP posts:
MsElleToe · 16/12/2010 17:30

Leave your phone at home/in the car so you can't get her messages (that sounds terrible, but if it is peeing you off so much, drastic measures are called for). I admit I'd find it hard as I'd be fretting about a snmall boy wondering where his mom was.

violethill · 16/12/2010 17:32

Agree.
She needs to sort out a proper childminder- unfair on you, the boy and the school to have this last minute dashing around

stnikkilarse1978 · 16/12/2010 17:33

Maybe she needs to think about afterschool club - maybe you can pay an hour of it instead of a full session. Any chance you could subtley mention it? You are not her slave - what if you are going out straight from school. It must put you out a fair bit.

RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 16/12/2010 17:35

How often do you end up doing it?

I completely understand by the way - I would just tell her outright that although you don't mind as a one off in an absolute emergency, you're not up for regular collections. No need to to explain further and if she gets shirty with you, just say, you being shirty with me I'm afraid just strengthens my view on this!

ConstanceWearing · 16/12/2010 17:35

I would probably do the same as MsElle, tbh. It never hurts to help out a friend, but she is responsible for her own child and she needs to find a more permanent solution before she begins to think that YOU are her permanent solution to her school run worries.

Original poster
LittleBlossom · 16/12/2010 17:36

Hi thanks- it just makes me feel like my time is not as important, as if I'll be there anyway...she has just the one child and no idea how it is with a toddler in the playground..

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleBlossom · 16/12/2010 17:39

Yes also she often is ill and this makes me feel bad, but is eg a toothache or thrush! and is painful for her to walk up whereas seems to be ok for me to plough on with the buggy!

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleBlossom · 16/12/2010 17:41

It's probably at least once a week, sometines 2 or 3 times

OP posts:
JellyBelly10 · 16/12/2010 17:42

Hmmmm...I'd be very annoyed at this too. A favour is a favour if it haooens infrequently but if it's haooening all the time then it should become an arrangement, ie a paid arrangement. If I were you I would have a word with her and say that you understand that her working means it is unpredictable when she can get there, so either of the two has to happen:

  1. She needs to get a child-minder to collect her child each day and then keep him for half an hour/hour etc so that she is not in such a manic rush to leave work and is not rushing around in taxis etc.
  2. That child-minder should be YOU! ie she should pay you for collecting him every day. That's assuming you would want to do it for payment? If however the whole arrangement is not for you then just say that you appreciate that as a working mum she is juggling lots of things, but so are you and whilst you don't mind doing it as a genuine emergency she should definitely pay someone to do it of it is going to be regular.
JellyBelly10 · 16/12/2010 17:43

That's "happen" and "happening" by the way!!

funkingcart · 16/12/2010 17:44

You need to tell her that you can't carry on doing it for her - but I got stuck in the same situation with a friend of my DS almost 15 years ago and it ended badly.

She took great offence to me saying I couldn't collect her child when she was unable to get there and she needed to get a childminder.

Just to warn you.

Original poster
LittleBlossom · 16/12/2010 17:50

Glad to know you all think is ok me feeling fed up! She's have me dropping him off in the mornings too- my dp does the morning drop off however and he's having none of it! `says it's his time with ds I was starting to think he should help her but am starting to think he's right to stick up for his time.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleBlossom · 16/12/2010 17:50

meant to say 'she'd'

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleBlossom · 16/12/2010 17:52

ps the school has a great after school and breakfast club

OP posts:
funkingcart · 16/12/2010 17:54

She needs to put her hand in her pocket and pay for breakfast and after school club then.

She's using you for free childcare.

MadamDeathstare · 16/12/2010 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ratspeaker · 16/12/2010 18:21

Is there an after school club she could enrol her child in, that would take the pressure off you both

Feelingsensitive · 16/12/2010 18:29

There are some people who will gladly take such liberties. This woman is taking you for a free ride. Having had a very similar experience recently you need to say something pronto. You either come straight out and say what what Remembertoplaywithkids said or you make yourself less available as in don't answer phone or just make other plans which mean you can't hang about. Personally I would go for the straight to the point option and just say you find it too much with your younger child and just want to be able to pick your child up and go. Don't explain any further. If she pulls a strop then she wasn't much of a friend in the first place. I have learnt my lesson and would only help people out on ad hoc emergencies only. If you are a SAHM and the other person works its simply not a level playing field. The person I am referring too expected free childcare every week for up to 3 hours with all meals included and no reciprocation or payment to me!

funkingcart · 16/12/2010 18:36

Feelingsensitive- that's the lesson I learnt with DS1 15 years ago!!

Seems things haven't changed

panettoinydog · 16/12/2010 18:41

If it's happening regularly she should sort out childcare or sort out her work hours. yanbu

prettymuchapixiegirl · 16/12/2010 19:12

I had a similar situation a few years ago, where a friend would call me 2 or 3 times a week and ask me to pick her DS up from school because she was running late or because it was raining (she only lived a very short walk away, I lived further and used to drive there). Then it got so she was asking me to take him in the mornings too because she and her DH wanted a pyjama day or because they were tired.

In the end I just started texting "no, sorry, I can't do that today" back to her, no explanation or excuses just brief and to the point, and in the end she started asking other mums to do her dirty work for her.

Firawla · 16/12/2010 19:16

If there is an afterschool club there is no reason she shouldn't just be using that instead to make her life easier, instead of taking you for granted to do this. yanbu

unfitmother · 16/12/2010 19:21

YANBU, she's taking the piss!

ItsGrimUpNorth · 16/12/2010 19:35

This happened to me until recently! I just stopped answering my phone, went a bit chilly and I don't pick up my 'friend's' children anymore.

LittleBlossom, it's up to her to either pay you or a childminder. She is totally taking the piss and it's a massive imposition on your good nature.

But at the same time, you're allowing it to happen. Just don't answer the phone and if she does catch you, say you can't pick up her son because you're going on somewhere to a play date. Let her get a strop on but she'll pull her finger out and get to school on time. Or sort out regular paid childcare which could be you?

I feel sorry for her kid, having the constantly late mother.

SantasENormaSnob · 16/12/2010 19:44

She is taking the piss.

A real friend wouldn't do this btw.