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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not do teacher presents?

139 replies

OutOutLetItAllOut · 14/12/2010 20:42

at the school gate today and one of the mums was talking about buying bottles of wine, (i made a comment about her making sure to invite me over!) and she said that they were for the teachers. turns out she is buying wine and chocs for the teachers, not just the main teach, but the 2 class room assistants and the 2 t.a's, ( all 4 are part time), also the head, the secetary and the chair of goveners!
a few of the others chipped in that they were doing flowers, smellies or other gifts!
i have NEVER bought a gift for a teacher at xmas, we normally bake a cake the week b4 they break up and take it in for the staff room, or make fudge.
am i the only mum who doesnt do gifts?

OP posts:
Horton · 16/12/2010 20:24

Thank you, canny, that's reassuring!

PaisleyLeaf · 16/12/2010 20:29

I give a little present to the teacher. TBH it's as much for my DD as it is for the teacher. It's nice for her to give a present to her teacher I can't really explain why - it sort of reinforces to her that she's got a nice teacher.

Optimism · 16/12/2010 20:37

I'm a teacher. I work really hard and genuinely put myself out for all the children I teach - so much so that DH tells me he barely sees me during term time. I don't do it in the hope I will receive presents but because I am conscientious and because I really do care about the children I teach. I want to do the best I can for them.

However, having said that, we all love to feel appreciated, especially when we work hard at something. Some people show their appreciation by giving a gift and I have always been extremely grateful for every gift I have been given (and in thirteen and a half years of teaching there has been an enormous variety!). It's the appreciation, not just the gift itself that is lovely.

Today was our last day of term and the parents of my pupils were extremely generous with presents and I feel very spoilt. However, what has made me smile even more this evening, and what I wanted to tell DH about when I got home, is the number of mums who took the time to write a card or stop and speak when they picked up their child to say 'thank you very much for a great term' or 'thank you so much, my child is really happy in your class'.

Optimism · 16/12/2010 20:39

Sorry, that was rather long and rambling.

In short, what I'm trying to say is, I love my pupils and expend a lot of physical and emotional energy on their behalf. Getting a little bit of love back makes it all worthwhile - however that love presents itself, whether as a gift or a dodgily spelt card from a child who has taken the time to write every letter in a different colour or use their very neatest handwriting!

Molly499 · 16/12/2010 20:41

Here in France the teachers seem to get small plants as gifts for Christmas so getting them all home must be a nightmare.

Over the years I've found that the demand for mince pies has gone mad. We started out by sending them in for the last English class of the term but astonishingly the French are just crazy about them. This year has been the funniest with teachers sampling another teacher's pies and then tracking down one of my 3 dc's and pleading for some of their own!

A pretty disposable plate with 4/5 pies on, covered in clear wrap and decorated with ribbon is a lovely gift in my opinion but I can see that it wouldn't work in the UK.

So far this week I've made 240 pies..........just the personal ones to go!

Optimism · 16/12/2010 20:44

PS The most amusing school gift story I've heard was from a colleague: she was presented with a box of biscuits which her pupil proudly told her she had baked herself with Mummy. My colleague accepted them gratefully - home baking; delicious.

When colleague later came to open said box she found that the biscuit on top had a large bite taken out of it. Clearly, temptation had got the better of the 7 year old in question and she had decided that it would be better just to take a bite than to take a whole biscuit!

Always makes me smile to think of it.

panettoinydog · 16/12/2010 20:47

Shock 16 Dec the last day of term? When do you go back?

BoattoBolivia · 16/12/2010 20:49

"One poster on this thread said that plants are a bad choice because she always goes away, alcohol should be a personal choice and she never eats chocs..."
Sorry, you've misunderstood me and not read all I wrote- I appreciate the thought behind every gift I am given by a child ,but particularly because of the area I teach in, where I KNOW people haven't got much money to spare, and I do get paid for my job, I REALLY would rather have cards/ words of thanks. I worry that parents feel under pressure to buy presents and it makes me sad to think that they are spending money on things that I just cannot use (Although the rest of my family enjoy them!) It's the personal ones, where you know a child has really wanted to make something for you because you have made a difference, that stick in your mind and go on display.
I sort of agree with the poster who feels uncomfortable with children giving alcohol as well.

Pancakeflipper · 16/12/2010 20:50

I wish I had not read this thread. I feel like a berk and the teacher may think I am an arse-licking berk.

Apologies to Mrs B our sweet natured teacher. When I knitted that pram blanket for your first child due next month I didn't realise teachers didn't want a gift ( well you always seem so thrilled with our usual collection by the mummies for your Spa experience or whatever we think you may like). And I am not trying to pull a fast one behalf of my son to get us noticed and in your good books.

I did it cos' I have known you for 2 yrs in our village school and I like you. I will miss our raised eyebrows at the tall story telling from my eldest boy. My son thinks you are perfect. Currently you are his ideal woman. And I just wanted to knit for your baby cos' you are going to make a lovely mummy.

Though the homemade wonky reindeer card might be appreciated. Sorry Mrs B. Your replacement will think we are meanies come July.

BoattoBolivia · 16/12/2010 20:59

NOOOOOOO Pancakeflipper...don't feel like that!!
Honestly,the arse-licking thing never crosses most teachers minds. Mrs B will have been absolutely delighted with your hand knitted baby blanket and quite frankly I wish someone (anyone) would give me a Spa experience- have you told her what you have written on here? I would sob if someone said that about me!
I did sob over a bottle of wine from a parent once! She looked very bemused until I said that in 15 years of teaching NOONE had ever given me a present for taking their child on a residential before. It really meant so much to me...and I don't even drink!
If I knew that all presents were bought because the child was happy in my class and the parent thought I had done a good job I would be happier, I just know some people do it because they think they have to and it demeans the gift.

andchips · 16/12/2010 21:00

Ah sorry BoattoBolivia, this is my crime of skim reading! I understand now what you're saying.

stillbobbysgirl · 16/12/2010 21:01

I do not understand the concept that teachers should not get a little gift! I tip the window cleaner and the grocery delivery guy, why on earth would I NOT buy a little token of thanks and appreciation for the women who look after and teach the people I love most in the world!?

It might only be bottle of wine or such like, but I always make a point of saying thanks for a good term and make sure the kids do too.

After their families and friends, thier teachers are the most important people in their lives! Anyone who would resent saying thanks with a little gift is a big fat meany in my book!

BoattoBolivia · 16/12/2010 21:02

Apology accepted Xmas Smile
I HATE upsetting parents!!!

Optimism · 16/12/2010 21:06

Ah, Pancakeflipper, you sound lovely. If I were Mrs B I would be absolutely delighted with that knitted pram blanket, thrilled with the wonky reindeer card, and happy to have a pupil who was happy and a parent who appreciated and liked me. So would anyone I've worked with.

Please don't let this thread make you bitter! We're not all ungrateful trouts and I have never ever thought of a gift as being crawly or looking for special treatment.

Oh, and in response to an earlier comment, I always know exactly which gift came from whom and write individual thank you letters to every child. It takes forever but it's important.

BoattoBolivia · 16/12/2010 21:07

stillbobby'sgirl I agree..and have given presents to my daughter's teachers BUT the size/thought involved does vary, depending on how her relationship with the teacher was, just as my tip in a restaurant would vary depending on the service.

Pancakeflipper · 16/12/2010 21:09

I certainly ain't going to show her this BB - I have spent 2 yrs perfecting my not-hanging around the teacher each morning. She thinks I am cool. Wink

Though I'll probably shatter that illusion tomorrow as I hang onto her ankles yelling "stay Mrs B. Bring baby to work everyday and just keep teaching my boy. Don't leave me. Bet your replacement is dragon like and sneers at the whiff of a scented candle."

I shall write a card from me to say thank you.

patienceplease · 16/12/2010 21:27

I have given my son's teacher a present - he's in reception and we were really worried about how he'd settle in (had some major issues in nursery) - she has been brilliant... and I wanted her to know. So I (and my son) wrote a card thanking her, and gave her a voucher - would have been wine but she's expecting, so I thought a (small) boots voucher meant that she could chose.
i used to teach and always appreciated presents - and it did not make me feel any different about the children as to whether they got me presents or not.
One colleague of mine was given knickers for christmas one year!! All in a special presentation gift bag thingy!!! Shock

SkyBluePearl · 16/12/2010 23:05

we had such a vile year at school last year (DS was ignored as he was so quiet and the teacher was hormonal/unapproachable). This year has been a breath of fresh air - stimulating and any minor bumps have been ironed out very constructivly. I have given wine cos i really appreciate how committed and supportive the new teacher is. If he gives the wine away thats fine.I just wanted to say thankyou really - thats all.

BoattoBolivia · 16/12/2010 23:17

My point precisely SkyBlue- the present should be given becuase you are honestly grateful, not just because 'everyone does'. Some teachers are grumpy buggers...and I have taught with a few!

CocktailQueen · 16/12/2010 23:24

I tend to give a charidee gift - this year it's 'books for a class' and share it between the teacher and TAs. At the end of the school year the teacher gets a bottle of wine! But it cna get bonkers otherwise.

FattyArbuckel · 17/12/2010 07:09

Patience I once gave Xmas knickers in presentation box to a particularly nice dinner lady!!!

newpup · 17/12/2010 07:26

I do not give my DDs teachers presents at Christmas. The Dds write them a card, sometimes homemade. I always make a point of finding the teacher on the last day of term and thanking them and wishing them a merry christmas. It may be that none of my Dds teachers have been outdstanding enough for me to warrant the extra effort!

FattyArbuckel · 17/12/2010 08:26

I do give gifts proportional to how good I think the teaching has been!

FattyArbuckel · 17/12/2010 08:27

Carrie talking on BBC breakfast on this right now

TinselinaBumSquash · 17/12/2010 08:32

I make a batch of home made gifts each year so it isn't hard for my to make a few extras for teachers. This year was single little jar candles. I never go out and buy things, its always biscuits, cakes, candels or homemade smellies.

However i don't think its necissary to get teachers presents and that goes for Milkman, Postman, Bin men to. They are doiung thier jobs afterall.

With teachers i do the presents becuase with DS1's illness they do go above and beyond to make life as easy as possible for us so i feel they deserve a special thank you.