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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not do teacher presents?

139 replies

OutOutLetItAllOut · 14/12/2010 20:42

at the school gate today and one of the mums was talking about buying bottles of wine, (i made a comment about her making sure to invite me over!) and she said that they were for the teachers. turns out she is buying wine and chocs for the teachers, not just the main teach, but the 2 class room assistants and the 2 t.a's, ( all 4 are part time), also the head, the secetary and the chair of goveners!
a few of the others chipped in that they were doing flowers, smellies or other gifts!
i have NEVER bought a gift for a teacher at xmas, we normally bake a cake the week b4 they break up and take it in for the staff room, or make fudge.
am i the only mum who doesnt do gifts?

OP posts:

putthekettleon · 16/12/2010 15:37

I was debating with myself whether to get something for DD's keyworker at preschool, now I've read this I think I'll just get her to make a card. Sorted!

Ephiny · 16/12/2010 16:03

YANBU, would never occur to me to do this. If everyone did it, the teacher would need a van to get all the presents home on the last day of term! 30+ bottles of wine or whatever!?

Is this a new thing? I'm sure no one did it when I was at school!

FattyArbuckel · 16/12/2010 16:46

StewieGriffinsmom "I disliked the gifts as a teacher because it felt a way for parents to show off"

I hope you gave parents advance notice that this was your attittude because if you deliberately allowed them to show their gratitiude with gifts that you resented and mocked them for I think this says more about the receiver than the giver. I am really at this attitude and at all the wasted time, effort and resource that went into thanking you...and if my child's teacher is reading this and has the same attitude please fgs let me know as I would be more than happy to give you just a card - or nothing at all - if that is your preference.

rudolphsmum · 16/12/2010 16:50

I just do cards

festivecoatgate · 16/12/2010 16:55

I do Oxfam Unwrapped - Done two - 'Give a Girl A Head Start' this year and they send me a card which I send into school. Can't be arsed with all the competitive present giving that goes on at my DD's private school.

Summerfruit · 16/12/2010 17:01

I'm class rep for my dd's class, and we manage to raise 300 pounds for the teachers and ta, they are going to get £50 of vouchers each, I think it well deserved !

ledkrsbellyislikesantas · 16/12/2010 17:03

well i just wrapped 2 scarves as dd's teachers are ajob share then asked her the name of her ballet teachers for small gifts,it turns out there are 3,not sure whether to bother and set president.

Beamur · 16/12/2010 17:17

Interesting to read this thread.

It's my first Christmas with DD at school, and I wasn't sure what the 'done thing' was so I bought 2 small presents (a big teacup) for the teacher and the nursery teacher and made some biscuits to go with them. Nothing fancy or expensive, and DP expressed great surprise - the older kids (15,17) never did presents for teachers. Is it a more recent thing? I certainly don't recall ever giving presents to teachers when I was at school (quite a long time ago now).
I handed them in discreetly this morning to the student teacher who has been working with them and when I picked DD up (todays her last day this term) the teacher thanked me. It's a tiny school (12 kids in reception and nursery combined) so maybe the teachers don't get overwhelmed with so many gifts here.

MABS · 16/12/2010 17:52

never to show off, always just as a thank you for their hard work. Always good red wine or champagne with homemade cards from ds in primary and handwritten card by dd in secondary.

judybart · 16/12/2010 18:04

The mums at my child's school all contribute about £5 or £10 for vouchers at Christmas but my son has always wanted to choose his own gift for his teacher just from him. I think that's sweet and it's interesting to hear how much he has picked up about his teacher's likes and dislikes which shows he isn't just getting the first thing he can think of.

BendyBobCratchit · 16/12/2010 18:14

I've given something for the past 7 yrs, but I don't think I will this year.

Dc's teachers are very nice and good at what they do, but dc are getting older and the teachers now come across as more professional than the 'motherly' types they had in the beginning.

It seems to me (with some relief) that they are backing off in that overfamiliar sense and I'm completely ok with it now dc are 9.

I've never given wine though. No-one likes a bottle of wine more than me () but it feels a bit wrong to me sending in a child with a bottle of alcohol to say 'thanks'. It's something adults give to each other maybe, but not children to adults. Prob just me being batty but I feel quite strongly about it for some reason.

madsadlibrarian · 16/12/2010 18:43

I do get them something, but I am not 100% sure they notice what they get from whom - I was v.v.v.cross with DS's teacher one year (we're talking complaint to HT, parent partnership involvement) No way was she getting a present - - lo and behold he gets a colour printed A4 sheet folded into a card with "thank you for my lovely present, it was very kind blah blah blah on it"

I restrained my self from responding

MadamDeathstare · 16/12/2010 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cannyfraddock · 16/12/2010 19:02

Definatly no presents for teachers. They get paid don't they?
All that present stuff is very crawly and competative.

Greenwing · 16/12/2010 19:12

There are no fewer than five teachers in my family and they all really, really appreciate the thoughtfulness and kindness that goes into their Christmas and end of year gifts.

Yes, they get paid, but teaching isn't just a job!. Many teachers have a vocation that often goes far beyond just having 'a job'. They put a huge amount of time and effort into caring for and educating their pupils, as well as often spending their own money which they don't claim back.

It is an opportunity for the children and parents to say thank you to the teachers and show that the effort they put in is valued.

Many teachers I know also spend a fair bit of their own money buying presents for their pupils!

MrsNonSmoker · 16/12/2010 19:23

don't you think there's a mix of hate it/love it from the teachers who have posted on here?

I spent only a little money on biscuits for the staff room, got DD2's teacher a beautiful yellow silk scarf for £2 I was made up with it, we found our first what her favourite colour was. DD is 7. If someone did that for me, I'd be over the moon, in fact I'd think it was Christmas. I had assumed that all the chocolates etc went in the middle in the staff room and everyone did their bit eating through it/taking some home until they were gone. Also, when I go into the staff room for governor meetings, there are never any cups so that best teacher stuff isn't rubbish, clearly they need more cups.

Whatever happened to being grateful for gifts? And BTW, I've written heartfelt letters of thanks to a couple of teachers before and I don't think these go down any better than chocolates. I'm off now to think about DD's teacher probably lifting the yellow scarf disdainfully between finger and thumb

cannyfraddock · 16/12/2010 19:32

Greenwing- I too have a family littered with teachers who all find the present thing crawly and competative. A hand made card from the kids is fantastic, bottles of wine etc from parents is over the top.
My MIL has 2 wardrobes full of stuff that parents have given her, including bottles of vodka!
Certainly for her what she gets paid and anything the kids take the time to make are thanks enough for the job she does.

blackcoffee · 16/12/2010 19:34

I got a card today thanking me for 'always providing such a safe and loving environment'
Am having a few issues at work and it was a tremendous boost
Tend to love the home made stuff best
the main thing is I want to do my job superbly, if someone thanks me with a present that's lovely but I am just as happy if they thank me with a smile
or by sharing relevant info about progress etc
I am not a great present giver, my wrapping looks like Steptoe's and I never know what to buy, I will usually make do with a card although last year ds said his teacher was always losing her pencils so he got her a pencil box and decorated it and put some pencils in

cannyfraddock · 16/12/2010 19:36

Blackcoffee has it right.

Imarriedafrog · 16/12/2010 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cannyfraddock · 16/12/2010 19:44

It's true my MIL is a miserable old boot. Still think she has a point about things the kids take time over meaning more than things bought by the parents.

Bearcat · 16/12/2010 19:54

My mum was a teacher and me and my 2 brothers were alwys very interested in what she brought home at christmas and at the end of the school year, probably because we could eat some of it!

My DS's are 19 and 23 now and always took something in for their teachers at this time. The funniest time was when DS1 went to comprehensive school and was really torn as to whether he should take anything in for his form teacher. I had just bought myself some lavender oil (unopened) to put in the bath and it was tiny, so we wrapped it up and he put it in his bag to see what the other kids did. Apparently the Year 7 teacher was given a few gifts so my son gave his too to her (old habits die hard). After this no other teacher ever got a gift from him!

When DS2 was in Year 4 his teacher was getting married in the summer and one of the mums arranged a collection and bought the teacher vouchers, prob JL which was probably a really nice class gift for her

Horton · 16/12/2010 20:02

DD is four and at preschool. We didn't get presents, do you think that's mean? I don't really know what I could have got for the 8 staff members that would have been both welcome and within my budget (I think even a fiver each would have been pushing it). Instead, she drew Christmas cards, glittered them liberally, and wrote Happy Christmas love DD inside. Writing eight cards plus the six for her friends was a huge effort for a four year old so hopefully it is appreciated. They weren't terribly legible but I am thinking in this case that it's the thought/effort that counts.

cannyfraddock · 16/12/2010 20:07

Horton- I think what your wee one did is so lovely and the teachers will really appreciate the effort made.

andchips · 16/12/2010 20:20

I find some of the comments very surprising. My mother was a headteacher and I remember she always had piles and piles of choccies, plants and smellies under the tree. She always had a kind thing to say about every gift. One poster on this thread said that plants are a bad choice because she always goes away, alcohol should be a personal choice and she never eats chocs...bleeding hell are you that picky with the gifts that friends and family give you? It is the thought that counts, some parents and children like to give a gift, doesn't matter what the gift is!!

Never heard my DM complain or mock any gift, she wrote a thank you letter to each child and always seemed very happy to receive such kind things.

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