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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell this woman exactly what I think of her

44 replies

lurkingsnurker · 13/12/2010 22:53

Here's the deal...

I have a good friend who suspected some time ago that her husband was having an affair. She thought the OW was her best friend. Her DH and the OW convinced her that nothing had happened, that it was just flirting, and yes, it shouldn't have happened but no harm done. And they were sorry. I wasn't convinced at the time (lots of reasons, but far too long to go into here!), but friend decided to forgive and forget Shock. At the same time OW defended herself with mutual friends by making out that my friend was a bit delusional and insecure and nothing had happened.

So, fast fwd nine months, and my friend is having a hard time getting past it all - unsurprisingly IMO - so decided to get counselling, realised that she needed more info from husband and had a showdown with him. So it turns out they did have an affair. For over 9 months. My friend's dd was only 3m old ffs! She has decided to file for divorce.

I have to see this woman at the school gates (all our dcs are same age) and I just can't be civil, or even look her in the face. I am so angry on behalf of my friend that it is all I can do not to say anything. And as it goes on, and more details come to light, I get more and more mad. What type of woman does this to her best friend? I feel as mad with him btw, but don't have to see him every bloody day! And all the time she smiles on, trying to make conversation as if nothing has happened.

So would you say something? Or should I stay out of it?

OP posts:
Hassledge · 13/12/2010 22:55

Stay out of it. Not your battle to fight. Must be bloody hard though - I'm sorry.

Poledra · 13/12/2010 22:55

You don't have to speak to her, but I wouldn't recommend making a scene at the school gates. If she tried to speak to me, I'd try to go with a cold 'I have nothing to say to you.' and move away.

mogwhistle · 13/12/2010 22:56

Stay out of it - it aint your battle

edam · 13/12/2010 22:57

How awful. Hassled's probably right about not saying anything, but you don't have to talk to her or acknowledge her.

porcamiseria · 13/12/2010 22:57

agree with poledra, do NOT be nice but dont have a bitch fight at school gates

evil looks and a hissed fuck off you whore, might help?

no, maybe not, but dont have a conversation, ICE her out

booyhohoho · 13/12/2010 22:58

no, not your business. stay out of it. ignore her. if she talks to you walk away. but don't tell her what you think of her. what you think of her is of no consequence to your dear friend. it will not help her.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 13/12/2010 22:58

I would cut her dead

But would stay out of it after that

Just make it clear you want no relationship with her whatsoever

if she tries to chat, tell her this and walk away

it takes two to tango though, and the bloke here is most at fault, so not really your fight, tbh

AuntiePickleBottom · 13/12/2010 22:59

stay out of it, just be there for your friend.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 13/12/2010 22:59
Grin

several crossed posts, all saying exactly the same

SixtyFootDoll · 13/12/2010 23:01

as AF says

Original poster
lurkingsnurker · 13/12/2010 23:01

Yes, a fuck off you whore would certainly make me feel better - but I guess it's not about me! Will go with the moral high ground and ice her out. I just feel like everyone should know what a bitch she really is, but not my place to share either.

OP posts:
Original poster
lurkingsnurker · 13/12/2010 23:03

Oh, he is AF - a selfish, ego driven, emotional abuser. It will be hard, but I am glad she has finally seen sense tbh.

OP posts:
blushington · 13/12/2010 23:04

Sounds like infidelity was the least of her problems then. She's well shot of him

Original poster
lurkingsnurker · 13/12/2010 23:07

She is. I have told her to come on here for support - I know you lot will keep her from straying back to him!

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 13/12/2010 23:07

LS...don't underestimate his charm

don't make the mistake of coming down too hard on either him or the husband-shagging bitch

if you do, and your friend takes him back (many do...) you will make it impossible for them to maintain a friendly relationship with you

just a little word to the wise from someone with a friend who has been abused in every single way it is possible to be, by one man and still she holds a torch for him

I have to tread very carefully, and very wisely

atswimtwolengths · 13/12/2010 23:10

She sounds a real attention seeker and you completely ignoring her will drive her mad.

Tempting though it is, if you call her a name, she'll either retaliate and you won't be able to resist punching her lights out (maybe this is what I'd do, sorry!) or she will run to everyone complaining about how hard it is to be her.

Oh but also if she wears anything new, just the very slightest up and down look with just the faintest smile wouldn't do any harm.

Original poster
lurkingsnurker · 13/12/2010 23:10

You're right. And I do try - it is very hard though. She needs out out out.

OP posts:
QueenGigantaurofMnet · 13/12/2010 23:13

if she tries to speak to you do a complete blank. if someone asks why you did so, tell them that she is the reason a friends marriage broke down.

no need to scream across the playground. she will probably feed off the attention.

Lonnie · 13/12/2010 23:18

dont do anything dont get involved.. Sit back wait wait wait be patient be patient

and eventually Karma will come and bite her in the ass

CrazyChristmasLady · 14/12/2010 09:59

Stay out of it but refuse to even acknowledge her presence. If she comes over, glare and walk off. She will get the message.

fedupofnamechanging · 14/12/2010 10:08

karma here. I will happily bite her in the arse for you Grin

Ordinarily, I think the married person who cheated is more at fault than the person they cheated with. But in this case the OW was the wifes best friend, which imo makes her as sleazy as the husband. Your poor friend, and I can see why you are so tempted to say something.

I agree with the others who say to let her know that you don't want to have anything to do with her. If others ask why, then I would tell them, but I wouldn't have a big knock down row at the school gate.

figcake · 14/12/2010 10:09

Does the OW have an OH?

MistletoeNPresents · 14/12/2010 10:11

Just blank her she is not worthy of your time or attention.

OTTMummA · 14/12/2010 10:17

Just ignore her, no eye contact, nothing.
If she asks you, or anyone else for that matter, tell them shes a disgusting selfish piece of shit that doesn't deserve your or anybody elses time or effort.

I hope karma comes round to bite her whore ass sometime soon.

And as for the husband, well,, how fucking vile, hope his cock drops off.

FindingAManger · 14/12/2010 10:58

There are lots of ways of communicating with someone - just cause you aren't calling her names to her face at the school gates doesn't mean you can't let her know just how vile a creature you consider her to be. But no punch ups at the school gate please!

I'd really want to let the other Mum's know to "watch out husband eater about" though and really sully her name!

To do that to anyone is low, but to have an affair with your best friends husband beggars belief. It's not like it was a huge true love and they are going to be together for the end of their days - it was shagging your friends husband for the sake of it.

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