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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up with my DC's Christmas performances being spoilt by noisy smaller children?

130 replies

gonaenodaethat · 13/12/2010 22:29

I've been to several Christmas performances/concerts/carol services in the last few days. My DDs (12 and 8) have practiced hard with all their classmates and were looking forward to them.

Each time though though, all their efforts were drowned out by the persistant banging, shouting and general noise of pre-school siblings.(one in particular)

Now, my children were small once and I understand it can be difficult to keep them quiet but I don't get the mentality where no effort is made to engage or keep them quiet at all. FGS, if all else fails, take them out. It's so distracting for the big kids who have put so much effort in.

I'm not talking about a little bit of noise, I know that's unavoidable, I'm talking about sustained noise right through the whole thing. At one point this particular child tried to get on the stage!

Anyway, feel a bit tight as he was only wee but couldn't help being p'd off.

OP posts:
Fernie3 · 15/12/2010 09:04

I don't have a problem with the children making a noise ( although a huge screaming tantrum through the whole thing seems a little unfair on those children actually doing the play)
What i do have a problem with is what happened at my daughters play where the first class did theirs then the second, for some reason a group of parents chatted loudly through the whole of the second play....selfish.

zzzzz · 15/12/2010 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GiddyPickle · 15/12/2010 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fifitot · 15/12/2010 12:38

I expect my lo to sleep through it tbh - he's only 5m old. He naps well most places. If he doesn't he will be taken out.

StayingFatherChristmasGirl · 15/12/2010 13:10

I can't see that anyone would have a problem with that, fifitot - it's the parents who look on indulgently as their toddler runs round shouting, or ignore their screaming baby that are arousing people's ire.

SantasMadMissy · 15/12/2010 13:14

Was lucky that my dd's school put on a creche for younger children. It was lovely to sit there and give DD1 our full attention without hushing down DD2 and DS1!

SpringHeeledJack · 15/12/2010 13:18

YANBU

littluns should be whisked off if they get all shouty

otherwise it isn't fair on the big 'uns

grendel · 15/12/2010 15:43

DD has had quite a few problems with her speech so although she always longed for a part in the school play was always relegated to 'crowd' duty. Finally in her last year at primary, in her last ever chance to perform, she got a tiny 'narrator' spot. She was so unbelievably chuffed and she worked really hard on her two sentence piece.

So yeah, thanks a bunch to the parent of the bored and fractious toddler who ensured that neither we nor anyone else in the audience got a chance to hear her.

No it's not RADA but it was probably DD's one and only chance to speak on stage (with her stutter she's pretty unlikely to ever get selected in the more dog eat dog world of secondary school).

grendel · 15/12/2010 15:45

Bitter, moi?

Rocky12 · 15/12/2010 18:12

We all agree that parents should take their noisy children out - but they dont! That is why we have threads like this.

Feel a litle tearful at Grendel's post.

Please parents. Dont take your precious toddlers to school plays. I know I am going to be shouted down but it spoils it for the others. There must surely be someone who can look after them for 1 hour.

wubbzy1981 · 15/12/2010 18:21

My dd's play was today and the school kindly put a creche on but neither my 1yr old nor my 2 year old would stay without crying and so I took them into the performance. They both sat very quietly until mid-way through when my 2 year old started to scream uncontrollaby for his daddy who was at work.

I am now deeply embarrassed at Angry at the loud shush that came from the women behind as I tried to gather up both baby and toddler and drag them out.

I went to the nearest exit and found myself in a room with nowhere to go and DS still crying uncontrollably.

The DVD was sent home with DD after school and hence to say I have two little stars and a loud shushing noise from angry parents.

Will be keeping my head down tomorrow at the gates. Blush

Miggsie · 15/12/2010 18:25

I'd also vote for grandparents whose phone goes off continuously and they can't work out how to put it on silent or switch it off and sit there basically producing random ringtones for 5 mins, as possibly even more irritating than howling siblings.

I consider school nativity play watching to be one of the trials of parenthood that must be gone through but not actually enjoyed.

Rocky12 · 15/12/2010 18:33

Wubbzy - its not the fault of your 1 and 2 year old at all. But we put children in an impossible situation whereby they are often set up to fail. Just dont take them - please. Dont spoil it for others.

wubbzy1981 · 15/12/2010 18:39

Love to Rocky, just some time alone would be nice but I am not so fortunate to have family around me and we are in a new area over 20 miles from where we previously lived.

Not everyone can arrange childcare. Sorry that it upsets people and I did take him out so I missed it anyway. But, I still would not be preared to tell my DD that I wasn't ccoming in case the other two created. My own mum never made it to my xmas plays and I remember how that felt.

Spinkle · 15/12/2010 18:39

My DS has ASD and so couldn't be part of the school play this year due to his various anxieties.

So I didn't get to see him at all on stage.

I wouldn't have cared if a small child had screamed blue murder all the way through - as long as I got to see my kid on stage doing his thing. Xmas Sad

How do you know the smaller kid wasn't SN btw?

Rocky12 · 15/12/2010 18:47

You know people who say they know no one, no childcare, no relatives etc. What about asking your partner to take a half day off work. Nowadays leave is about 20-30 days per year. I really dont believe the posters who say there is no one at all. What about other mothers, perhaps the play is on twice which they often are. Why not offer to look after their children for 1 hour and vice versa.

Of course now I am going to get people replying saying that their children cannot stay with anyone but them. Well, this once a year event isnt about you and what you can and cannot do. Sorry, but I feel really strongly about this. Thinking about the poster who said that their child with a stammer was drowned out by some screaming toddler.

Please - dont set your children up for a fall. Just dont take them!

wubbzy1981 · 15/12/2010 18:56

Because my Husband was at an appeal hearing to keep his job. With 4 DC's and a very hefty time imposing limit on appeal times, it wasnt possible. Luckily it was quickly overturned.

The play was KS1 and on once to parents.

My daughter also has a significant physical (no left arm) and mental disability (OCD possibly autism) and has had so many problems settling in at school nothing would keep me from her play.

I was considerate and left so I missed it anyway but it meant alot to my daughter to see me there. Wild horses would not of kept me away let alone small toddlers.

So do I regret attempting to go?? Do I hell!!!

Rocky12 · 15/12/2010 19:04

Wubbzy - I honestly think you could have found someone to look after your other children. This time was your daughters time and it didnt work out how you wanted it to.

Surely there must be someone you could have left your other children with - for 1 hour or less, another mother, a friend etc. What about inviting a friend over for a couple of days and asking her to watch your other children?

wubbzy1981 · 15/12/2010 19:12

I honestly do not have a great many friends that I can just call up. After 4 Dc's I let many go years back. Since moving I have only 2 close friends. Both work full time during the day.

I do not even know why I am explaining myself. I didn't have anyone, believe me or don't. I really couldn't care less.

I was there for my daughter whether I actually got to stay and hear anything doesn't matter. When she first walked out she saw my face and the grin was worth every moment. I do not think she cares that I didn't hear a word.

ledkrsbellyislikesantas · 15/12/2010 19:20

this annoys me too.dd does dance competitons and you have to pay to enter and for costumes etc.There is always someone with a crying baby but who insists on having dh and pils and dps there too.why can they take it turns to watch the baby?

ledkrsbellyislikesantas · 15/12/2010 19:22

Maybe it mattered to other people tho whether they heard their child or maybe it mattered to the children who were trying to preform.

ledkrsbellyislikesantas · 15/12/2010 19:23

or even perform Grin

southeastastra · 15/12/2010 19:25

children making a noise at children's shows doesn't bother me in the slightest, it's hardly the rsc is it

our headteacher though is very harsh and will chuck anyone out who has a child that makes a slight noise.

Rocky12 · 15/12/2010 19:26

Wubbzy - 'its the couldnt care less' comment that made the other poster miss her daughters speech in one of the only school plays she is likely to be in. As long as you are alright then it doesnt matter about anyone else.

Niecie · 15/12/2010 19:31

wubbzy that sounds tough. Oddly, when you are in a fix that you have been and can't get childcare, you might actually benefit from a ban on preschoolers.

What seems to happen when they are banned is that the school make alternative arrangements, either letting the preschoolers go to the dress rehearsal or, like our school, the ladies in the office and some of the TAs look after the LOs. The school specifically says that if we can't make childcare arrangements to let them know. They don't want any of the older children to miss having a parent because of their ban.

What seems hard is when they let the LO go to the performance but don't give any help when that LO gets loud. That doesn't seem fair because if you are thoughtful you miss the performance and if you aren't you ruin for everybody else.