to be fed up with my DC's Christmas performances being spoilt by noisy smaller children?

[gonaenodaethat]

I've been to several Christmas performances/concerts/carol services in the last few days. My DDs (12 and 8) have practiced hard with all their classmates and were looking forward to them.

Each time though though, all their efforts were drowned out by the persistant banging, shouting and general noise of pre-school siblings.(one in particular)

Now, my children were small once and I understand it can be difficult to keep them quiet but I don't get the mentality where no effort is made to engage or keep them quiet at all. FGS, if all else fails, take them out. It's so distracting for the big kids who have put so much effort in.

I'm not talking about a little bit of noise, I know that's unavoidable, I'm talking about sustained noise right through the whole thing. At one point this particular child tried to get on the stage!

Anyway, feel a bit tight as he was only wee but couldn't help being p'd off.

All of this really annoys me.

My boy (now 10) and I were forever leaving these events early/quickly/in disgrace. He couldn't sit still ..... and he was aged 2, 3 and 4. He would just be unsettled despite our (parents) best efforts to bring about some hush.

And the looks we got from all those precious mummies......

Get a grip woman. It's a school, Christmas, end of term "show". Enter into the spirit, would you? Don't be so hard on those who really, really can't "control" their offspring!!

My son, by the way, after years of being the bright, "naughty" (noisy) boy who everyone threw daggers at, was diagnosed with autism.

You coul equally argue that it is entering into the Christmas spirit to leave the LO at home and focus on the children who put all the work into the Christmas show.

But really Christmas spirit doesn't enter into it - the same goes for the end of year show in July or any other show.

Imagine how your other children feel knowing that you are in the audience but you aren't actually listening or watching because you are chasing your LO around the room or because you have to take them out. Do they not matter? You aren't there for a jolly family outing, you are there to see the children perform, no matter how good, bad or indifferent they are. Frankly, knowing how mine couldn't sit still at that age (and I've had my fair share of daggers - I have a DS with AS, not that it is relevant) it is much kinder simply not to take them.

Wendi - the OP is complaining about the noisy toddlers whose parents make no effort to keep them quiet, not ones like you who do their best.

And scottishmummy - no-one is demanding silence at school productions, but it is not fair on the children who have worked so hard if no-one can hear the performance over the racket being made by toddlers whose parents are making no effort to stop them. Plus it can really distract and put off the children performing - again, not fair on them.

And I don't think it is unreasonable to want to actually hear your child perform in their school production - and not everyone can sit in the front row (especially as, in my experience, the front row is often reserved for dignitaries, specially invited guests and the dinner ladies) - it's not precious to want the toddler noise kept to a reasonable level so parents can hear their children.

Scottishmummy is right I think.

Am sure it was annoying and of course some people are totally unreasonable but its a school production.

I actually find it sweet when a small child calls out their siblings name.

Umm, leave them where? I always found there was a bit of a dearth of people to leave them with because everyone else I knew was at the Christmas show as well. Non-parent neighbours are all elderly, parents miles away, helpful teenagers generally not home yet...

Tracey - a child calling out their sibling's name is sweet - but a child running round shouting, banging things etc etc is not.

I don't think anyone realistically expects a hushed and awed silence at a school production, but it is reasonable to expect parents to make some effort to keep little ones quiet.

What ticked off the OP was the children who were making lots of noise and disturbance whose parents were making no effort to stop them running around and to keep them a bit quieter!

YANBU. Do these people not have one single friend or family member who could have the toddler for an hour or so? Not one? Our school has several performances, my friend had my toddler yesterday so DH and I could concentrate on DD's first ever nativity play (which lasted an hour our 2 year old would have been climbing the walls). Today my friend went and I had her toddler. Easy.

Yes, I think that is the diff. Some attempt to distract/divert/shove food in their yapping maw (TM Scottishmummy) all well and good, we've all been there. No attempt to, and a general air of, oh but he's so DARLING, v annoying.

Our school did one performance where pre-schoolers were allowed, and three where they were not. I went to a 'no preschoolers' performance and was rather annoyed to hear three noisy loud children all the way through the performance. Their parents just didn't take them out. I don't understand why they weren't completely embarrassed.

A certain amount of fidgeting and calling out is expected and can be quite cute The increasing noise levels, running about and screeching piss me off. But given that there will always be an element of arrogance amongst parents who think that their little darling is the most important person in the room and must not be thwarted, then it's always going to be a pain in the arse for parents who DO give a shit about other people - adult and child alike.

As a parent of three small ones, YANBU.

At all.

Just because I find them fascinating and adorable doesn't mean I expect everyone else to.

For this reason, DH stayed at home with them while I went to my nephew's school play.

I would be annoyed too.

And would have missed it had DH not been about/ no babysitter had been available.

YANBU but really it is a pretty universal experience-It only takes one to disrupt it and there usually is one parent who won't or can't cope.

I've also been to school information evenings where (more reasonably) people told off parents for bringing noisy toddlers, no one could hear-we've all been there and all have better things to do than sit through yet more screaming-TAKE. THEM. OUT. or better yet DO NOT BRING.

I do think that sometimes what can be seen by some parents as their child being cute or showing personality can be quite trying on others.

On Monday there was a meeting at the school, fairly important, regarding the damage sustained during the snow. What the headmaster was saying was lost in amongst the racket of toddlers, one who seemed to be desperate to get on to the stage to the mirth of the mother. I would have thought that perhaps the safety of their older children would have been paramount but there you go.

Some kids seem to need constantly entertained, it must be exhausting!

YANBU.

I went to one this morning, everyone there early as it didn't start till 9.30 - not really time to go home and back again, not nice enough to be outside (and you can't save your seat that way ) but a long time for toddlers to wait.

There were about 15 small people there - they'd all had enough by the time it had started, they'd pretty much all been cajoled, played with, told off, cried, eaten, screamed.... dropped the camera and chucked a paddy. I was expecting it to be 'pretty difficult' to hear anything.

There was a lot of chatting/calling names/singing/clapping and general toddler noise - not a bother - it's what you expect at the morning session (they're banned from the evening performance!)/

However there was one Mum behind me whose little girl screamed and played up the entire show. The Mum made very little attempt to get her to be quiet, she should have taken her out. She spoilt it for everyone there and the kids on stage. There's a limit.

Bloody brilliant show though - the school/teachers/kids did an amazing job of it... very impressive. Not saying anymore as I don't want to completely out myself

Neicie....I hear you. But there's mums out there who have no one to deposit said LO's with!

Are you perhaps one of those tut-tutting mummies I know so well? My point is, ALL CHILDREN MATTER.... Those performing and those weenie ones who'll be up there themselves, one day.

You have a child with AS? It's kinder not to take them? Cannot agree with you there.

YADNBU
FGS their are some really,really selfish people on this thread
'its not a performance by the RSC'
No, Exactly.
The RSC are adult professional performers who can project their voices.They are professionals who won't crumble at a bit of noise from the audience.Most of all the actors are not the most precious thing in the world to the audience and not creating memories to be treasured all their lives.

You would probably find that if the school banned LOs then they would actually be prepared to look after them if push came to shove. They want the parents to see (and hear) the children in the performance. They don't advertise as they would be inundated but they would never let it be a bar to those having no option from seeing the show.

And no I don't tut children and particularly not children with ASD.

Their thoughtless parents are another matter - I would be more tempted - but to do so meant that I couldn't concentrate on my child being a performance that I only get one chance to see which is after all why I am there!

And yes of course ALL children matter but at any given point in time some children matter more than others, just for a few minutes. the ones who are doing the performance that they have spent so long practicing matter more than the LO in the audience who don't want to be there at all!!

princessparty - you are right, there are some very selfish people around.

YANBU - I have no problem with children being at performances however parents need to keep them under control and if they start to become nosiy or distract the children onstage then they should take them out.

One of my sons concerts (evening performance) there were some younger siblings majority of which them were well behaved , however the Head did ask one parent to take her child out as it was being very noisy , wandering up to the stage and distracting the performers. Why did she have to be asked - couldn't she see the distraction it was being ?

I think the answer is either creche or please dont take children who you know are going to be tricky. It spoils it for the children who have spent hours practising and who are drowned out by selfish parents who insist on sitting at the front, saying they wanted to move but were 'trapped, couldnt care less or couldnt get anyone to look after their child.

Some people say they have no one to ask, so, no friends, no relatives, no childcare, no older children to babysit, no babysitters, no other mothers, and also no partners. Honestly I really dont think that is the case. Surely there is someone.......

Ok, will leave it there. You seem to be very serious about this. It's not supposed to get personal.

Enjoy the show.

I'd love to go to a school production where I wasn't looking for a distraction.

Wendi, my ds is autistic too. Autism is not a trump card you get to play when it suits you.

Maybe it's because my ds is autistic that seeing him perform well as part of a group in a whole schoole production means so much to me. The fact that he is autistic will make it even harder for him not to be distracted by younger children in the audience. Those would be two reasons why I don't want other peoples noisy children spoiling it.

You were selfish to ignore the looks from all those 'precious' Mummies, you know the ones that commited the crime of wanting to be able to hear their own children do something important to them.