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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up with my DC's Christmas performances being spoilt by noisy smaller children?

130 replies

gonaenodaethat · 13/12/2010 22:29

I've been to several Christmas performances/concerts/carol services in the last few days. My DDs (12 and 8) have practiced hard with all their classmates and were looking forward to them.

Each time though though, all their efforts were drowned out by the persistant banging, shouting and general noise of pre-school siblings.(one in particular)

Now, my children were small once and I understand it can be difficult to keep them quiet but I don't get the mentality where no effort is made to engage or keep them quiet at all. FGS, if all else fails, take them out. It's so distracting for the big kids who have put so much effort in.

I'm not talking about a little bit of noise, I know that's unavoidable, I'm talking about sustained noise right through the whole thing. At one point this particular child tried to get on the stage!

Anyway, feel a bit tight as he was only wee but couldn't help being p'd off.

OP posts:
podsquash · 14/12/2010 18:26

YANBU. At our school, the head sends out a letter (well in advance, say 6 weeks) saying that younger siblings should not be brought, and giving all the reasons, and they provide a creche for many of the performances. So it really annoys me, when I've gone and arranged childcare for my younger one in order to do as requested, to see parents there with noisy younger kids in tow, sometimes even when there is a creche down the hall. Some people arrange childcare even when it isn't at all easy, in order to be polite.

GiddyPickle · 14/12/2010 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curlymama · 14/12/2010 18:55

Our school asks that young children come to the dress rehearsals only. That way everyone gets to watch their children, and parents without small ones to worry about can enjoy the performance in peace.

Niecie · 14/12/2010 19:19

Wendi - I entirely agree it shouldn't get personal but you were the one who accused me of being one of the tutting mothers! Not sure why.

I also agree with curlymama - having autistic child does not mean that you don't have to consider other people's feelings.

RoonilWazlib · 14/12/2010 19:23

Our school has performances that young children can come to and others that are for adults. It works well as then you know what to expect.

crazygracieuk · 14/12/2010 19:27

YANBU

You aren't saying that there should be silence- just that parents should remove persistently disruptive pre-schoolers which is reasonable. Ideally disruptive parents would go too. By disruptive I mean ones who stand up to take pics mid performance, ones who talk loudly, ones who moan about the performance in earshot of the children, ones who chat rather than quietly watch....

I have taken my pre-schooler out when he clearly wasn't in the mood to co-operate and expect others to do the same really. I usually use the bring-lots-of-food-and-drink technique but sometimes it doesn't work.

I'm really jealous of the schools that do a creche. Lucky things!!

SingingMog · 14/12/2010 19:32

YANBU. I can understand a child making the odd noise, but not continually. I agree that it puts off the performers. Clapping along also really annoys me (I am a music teacher) as usually we record the concerts (and also some people never clap in time)! I usually do an announcement at the start of each concert saying that we are recording it (we use some of the performances for GCSE ensemble coursework so have to send them off) so any clapping needs to wait until the music has finished. This usually means that other noise is kept to a minimum too as everyone understands that it is important to get a good recording for the GCSE kids.

bitsyandbetty · 14/12/2010 19:36

I used to be the one with the small noisy toddler and know how it feels. It is fine having over 11s only if you have somebody that can look after younger ones. With no family to help, one of you would have to miss the show. I am now incredibly understanding of those with toddlers. I used to bring things to entertain DD though and did take her out when the going got tough but if I missed too much DS would be upset. After all it is a primary school concert and we are not expecting Hamlet with David Tennant, although I would definitely keep her quiet for that one.

springchik · 14/12/2010 19:47

At our school the letter home makes it perfectly clear that smaller children (ie preschoolers) are not allowed and therefore alternative arrangements must be made. I thought this was for the best to be honest because its not fair on the children who have practised so hard to have their play disrupted. My mum therefore babysat for my ds2 aged 3.

3littlefrogs · 14/12/2010 19:47

It all comes down to good manners - (or lack of) - in the end.

fifitot · 14/12/2010 19:54

Well it's all very well to ban preschoolers but what can you do if you have noone to look after your LO? For me it means take the baby and go against the 'request' to leave them at home and hope he keeps quiet OR miss the older child's performance.

I really haven't got anyone to look after him.

curlymama · 14/12/2010 19:59

fifi - suggest to the school that those parents in a situation like yours go to the dress rehearsal instead.

Sassybeast · 14/12/2010 20:01

Fiftot - neither I, or my eldest kids have suffered any long lasting trauma because I missed some of their early performances. One really disruptive toddler spoils the whole thing for maybe 100 or so parents and children - sometimes we all have to make sacrifices on behalf of other people.

taffetazatyousantaclaus · 14/12/2010 20:13

fifi - our school bans pre schoolers. last year, the pre school music group ran a session for the pre schoolers at performance times so parents could go and see elder siblings. its run by very thoughtful local mums with children at secondary, who volunteer.

JuneBugJr · 14/12/2010 20:13

YADNBU.

If only for the only reason its is extremely stressful for parents to keep the toddlers quiet. I took my Nephew once to watch his cousins as my Dsis had just had a section. He was 2, and very 'busy'.

He started off screaming during all the singing. Then tried getting up on the stage, and the finale was him attempting to strip off. Until myself and a poor teacher had chase him around and get an arm and a leg each and cart him out of there. Im blushing as Im typing, mortifying experience, and completely unfair on the parents who'd waited to see their children perform. The school sent a letter out the next term, saying that pre schoolers were not to be brought for any other concerts Blush.

Id write a letter to the school perhaps suggesting that they do the creche thing.

bitsyandbetty · 14/12/2010 20:19

The creche thing sounds good. Our school only has one performance of each show so it is difficult to make arrangements between friends.

fishtankneedscleaning · 14/12/2010 20:26

YANBU. Having a noisy toddler spoil the performance for other parents it also embarrasses their older siblings on stage when they persistently shout their name and wave, whilst mum sits there saying, "Awww he loves his sis/bro, what can you do eh?" TAKE HIM OUT THAT'S WHAT!!!!

PressureDrop · 14/12/2010 20:27

unless the noisy children are absolutely screaming their heads off or something, who cares? It's a nativity, not a night at the Opera.

MadamDeathstare · 14/12/2010 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Serendippy · 14/12/2010 20:29

YANBU. You specifically said in your OP that you understand a little noise and disruption is to be expected but that the people you are talking about are the ones who make no effort to limit theb disruption for everyone else.

All the people who have said that they will go and if their toddler screams and ruins it for everyone else, well, that is the spirit of Christmas don't understand that although they might not want to miss their little darling perform, there are many other little darlings who do not want their line, their one and only line missed because of a screaming child.

nowwearefour · 14/12/2010 20:32

our school bans pre-schoolers but offers an area to run a creche where parents who want to use it one day can look after other people's children on the other day. hardly anyone uses it but it is at least available for those who need it.

fifitot · 14/12/2010 21:16

'sometimes we all have to make sacrifices on behalf of other people.'

Well I don't want to sacrifice this thanks very much. My daughter's very first school play. She is only 4 and would be gutted if noone came to see her in it.

LittleNicci · 14/12/2010 21:20

YANBU ~ sometimes the parents are just as bad as the little ones. Winds me up no end.

curlymama · 14/12/2010 21:27

Fifitot- do you really think that if your baby starts making alot of noise it's ok for you to ruin the performance for everyone else?

I know it's hard when your child is expecting to see you, and by all means go, and hope the baby sleeps! It would be sad for you and your dd to miss the bit where they walk in and see the parents, then start looking around wildly for their own grown up. But nobody is saying you should do that unless it's a foregone conclusion that your baby will be noisy alot of the time.

StayingFatherChristmasGirl · 15/12/2010 08:53

I suspect that fifitot is the sort of mum who will take the baby out if they are being disruptive (ie making too much noise) and are spoiling the performance for others.

If everyone had this sort of consideration, it wouldn't be a problem. And it is possible - I went to all the primary school productions of all three of my dses, and I don't recall a single performance which was spoiled by noise. They were never hushed and reverential affairs, and the preschoolers there did make some noise, but not so much we couldn't hear our children - and if a child got too noisy, a parent took them out.

As 3littlefrogs said - it is just a matter of good manners - and I would add consideration for others.