To hate some of words regularly used on Mumsnet?

[ShanahansRevenge]

I get relly annoyed by people bandying things like "judgey" and "Toxic" around as if they were actual conditions!

Judgey just annoys me because it's kind of coy and littl girly...what's wrng with saying "Judgemental"??

And "Toxic"...

You know...like "Is my Mum Toxic because she has never sent me a christmas card?"

I think it's bollocks...certain words have been adopted and shaped on here for the use and comfort of the community and in the case of "toxic" it's a bit dangerous in my opinion.

People seem to want a diagnosis for other people's behaviour...so they grab words and plonk them onto other people....then in their own minds they can say "Yes...my Mum/Sis/Mil is a pain and makes me angry...but it's because she's toxic...it must be so as everyone on MN says so"

I just saw someone on a thread comment that someone elses husband was being "Passive agressive" because he had plonked a cereal box on her head as a joke. This is another thing people on here are always bandying about.

So AIBU to think there are some people who just look for the bad in others? And who really seem to thrive on labels?

I think the BESH lot are barren and the PESH ones are pregnant. The H I think was hags. E may be evil. S I don't know.

Ooh yes, Quin I'm so glad you asked - do tell, someone, please.

OK I'm not passive aggressive after all then. I've decided. What I am, is the master of the calm, quiet, killer retort that really stings. But I only do it when people deserve it and are looking to provoke me into a row. I don't do shouting and cheap insults - very undignified.

Some working mother once said to me at a dinner party (I'm a SAHM) that it must be lovely to stay home and bake apple pies all day. That's Passive aggressive isn't it? But it's ok - I blacked both her eyes.

The problem I have with NPD/toxic/Passive Aggressive/abusive/controlling, etc, is that I see a sense of victimhood that permeates MN.

I'm sure that there are relationships where the problem is clearly 100% one person who is abusive, etc. But I know from my own relationship failures that some of the problems were due to me, and I suspect that's probably the reality of many, if not most relationship problems.

However, if we can say my Mum was toxic, my XP was abusive and controlling, he had NPD, etc, it places all the blame away from us and paints a black and white world.

I hate catsbum.

I agree with dearprudence - I like most of them, because they are like our own secret codes that denote membership of our gang.

I don't like the DH, DC, etc, at all, but I've succumbed a bit over the years - if you can't beat 'em join 'em.

The only two things I really don't like are the vast number of people who are very quick to tell someone she should leave, yes actually LEAVE her husband and the father of her children for some annoying but relatively minor misdemeanour.

And po-faced types who get all preachy and worthy if anyone dares to mock/criticise any of the more unpleasant/hilarious aspects of the unwashed prolateriat, but they don't leap to defence of anyone who is getting a drubbing for being posh.

I find that smug and tiresome.

here's a word for you - SMUG -

MN has cornered the market in being smug, slagging off people who are smug like they stomp on little childrens feet.

Makes me feel very bleuggh! to SMUG

like all communities, we have developed our own lamguage. there is nothing wrong in that.

YABU

I LOVE catsbumface - should be entered into Oxford dictionary IMO - sums up so much in just one invented word. It's a bit like a written form of sucking teeth but different!

Um, what does catsbumface mean? I assume it means nothing complimentary.

I actually quite like 'hag'. I'm a hag and proud of it. Hags of mumsnet, unite! That said agree entirely that people are very very strange and defensive about social class isues and especially choice of school/university, and some of the Bad Words go with that.

But I don't think thebad words are the problem, but the CONTENT.:)

Just one thing, because I read all the university applications threads in a smug bid to be Helpful, If anyone says their kid is academically able, for example, the heavens open and it rains toads.

'She must be deluded. She must have too much sense of entitlement. She must be pushy...' This isn't about language, it's about sheer meanness. And don't get me started on what happens if somebody says somethign bad about fast food, ready meals, or a tv in the bedroom.

Flounce over...

my pet hate is a sentence that ends No?

when you what the poster is really saying is please agree with me.

i hate pedants.

What, all pendants? That's a bit extreme!

Hate pedants? It's okay to feel cross because they're better than you at something hifi.

Sorry, I'm drunk on the passive aggressive fun.

Catsbumface is what we refer to round these here parts as 'bulldog chewing a wasp'. A disgusted, disapproving, closed-lipped, JUDGY face. Like a cat's bum. The grandmother in George's Marvellous Medicine had one.

I agree. . . . also what i hate is "ffs" and "crap" . . ."FFS" is even directed at people who are really upset and depressed about something.
I also hate the general attacking mode people take on in such a forceful aggressive manner. . . . .when all you wanted was some support, help advise or discussion. People seem to take delight in flaming others when they dont deserve it. As for the fowl language, , ,well, , , !!

because this is a forum not a formal way of communicating.it really irks in the middle of a sensitive thread when a pedant comments"oooh no capitals or full stops".

they arnt better than me at something,just more time on their hands. i would obviously put more effort into a formal letter than on here.

Whoops - sorry about the 'hate pendants' comment. I read 'pedants' and 'pendants' - got my threads mixed up - I'm also on one about jewellery!

YABU. These phrases are an easy way to explain what you mean to people who don't know you or your style and don't want to read long essay-like posts.

It's a form of shorthand because everyone reading will know what you mean by 'my FIL is so passive aggressive'.

It's much less time-consuming than going 'my FIL is filled with repressed rage but cannot stand confrontation so he gives the impression that he is sane and reasonable but actually behaves in a way that is obstructionist and breeds resentment in other people, but means he can deny he's actually done anything because his behaviour is not overt'

But I like coding in language. It feels a bit like a little club.

aren't.

Sorry - could NOT resist that one.

passive aggressive: my MIl gave my mum a feather duster as an Xmas gift.

i think that is a passive aggresive top trump.

aggressive : shoving said feather duster up her jacksie.

FellatioNelson and Eating AngelPie: Genius examples of P-A.

See what I did there? I shortened it even MORE!

Om nom nom makes me want to puke.

I get very upset when people encourage each other to end relationships over potentially trivial issues.

NPD seems to apply to anyone who you just don't like anymore.

"Truckulent Thu 09-Dec-10 23:23:29
If someone wasn't passive-aggressive, would they have to be passive (give in all the time), aggressive (confrontation over decisions) or everything is discussed in a completely rational manner and all decisions are made logically and fairly, not seen many of those relationships. At work or at home."

I think the options are:

Aggressive (all about me, none about you)
Assertive (balance between the two)
Submissive (All about you, not about me)

and the 4th option, which must be...erm... about neither of us. So discussing Coronation Street :o

disinterested/nihilistic - it's all about nothing.