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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people should not be checking their BlackBerry's all night, at the table, when you have invited them for dinner?

136 replies

strandedatseasonsgreetings · 07/12/2010 14:05

We had some good friends - a couple - over for dinner last night. I cooked up a storm, made a curry and a side dish, we had some wine, it was all lovely. Except the male half of the couple kept reading messages on his Blackberry all night.

Now he has a very senior job in a large company so I assumed it was work and thought nothing of it. My dh also had his Blackberry on the table as he is always on call. But he had it there for important calls only.

However, towards the end of the night, Mr I'm Very Important confessed he had been checking messages about the (American) football results all night. I was fuming (inside - I didn't say anything except to take the piss a bit).

That's rude isn't it? They are really good friends of ours but not sure I would invite them again.

OP posts:
HmmmIwonder · 07/12/2010 19:34

Very rude of him. As for it being a cultural /jamaican thing - I'm british and i know a lot of Jamaican people and in general I'd say they're more polite than British people.

fulltimeworkingmum · 07/12/2010 20:14

Absolutely PIG ignorant. No manners at all.

classydiva · 07/12/2010 20:16

It is rude there is no excuse for having a mobile phone at the dinner table.

Even your oh could have kept his away from teh table and answered it if it rang.

GetOrfMoiLand · 07/12/2010 20:23

Oh every day I reminded why I love LeQ - bloody hell she top trumps us all my having the ambassador (of where though? Estonia? Burundi? Turks and Caicos?) around for supper.

Original poster
strandedatseasonsgreetings · 07/12/2010 20:32

Can I not top that by being the daughter of an Ambassador? (and yes it was a fairly obscure place)

OP posts:
SpeedyGonzalez · 07/12/2010 22:32

Totally agree with classydiva.

I think you should be honest and say to them that it was lovely to have them for dinner EXCEPT that you found it bloody rude that the bloke kept texting at the table. You'd be happy for them to come over another time but if he does it again his Blackberry will end up in the soup.

PurpleOne · 08/12/2010 02:15

how bloody rude

Gracie123 · 08/12/2010 08:04

We had some friends over (well, they were acquaintances at the time, but friends now) and their parents, for dinner. The dad answered his phone during the meal (which I politely said was fine when his wife apologised to me) but his daughter was livid. She started shouting in to his phone call 'dad that's unacceptable! Your bein so rude! Hang up! Hang up now!' for about a minute and a half before he got so irate he left to take the call in the hallway. Wife and daughter were both mortified and would t stop apologising, but he didn't see a problem.

I personally think it was quite funny, especially the way his family reacted, but I can see it would offend some.

Waitingfortheepiphany · 08/12/2010 08:52

Bear with... bear with...

stubbornhubby · 08/12/2010 08:54

modern etiquette is that you retire to the toilet to check your blackberry.

and your DH is out of order as well - blackberr is never on the table. if he really, really, really has the type of job where he needs to respend to a message in minutes rather than once or twice an evening (on call heart surgeon perhaps) it should be in his pocket, on vibrate.

Wottknottandmincepies · 08/12/2010 09:03

Good idea paisley
YANBU

I would invite them again, and send a text to him if you see him on the mobile .... "would you like your meal now and join us for dinner?"

DH does this when the GP race seasons on, can't help himself, but not at the table ! Fecking iphone apps.

Earthymama · 08/12/2010 10:03

This is one of my absolute bugbears. DP has a tendency to be obsessive and we fell out when the iPhone began to take precedence over everything else.

I had my phone with me constantly when DD was pregnant, especially in the last few weeks but would always apologise and walk away from table if she called when we were eating with friends.

I think some people are incapable of understanding that their actions impact in any way on other people. I hate people talking on their phones whilst paying in shops, buying tickets or any other interaction that should acknowledge there is another human being involved in the process.
Hmm

begonyabampot · 08/12/2010 10:57

maybe I'll let my Dh read this thread as he has been very guilty of this. Had a blow up over a year ago when I said I wasn't going on holiday because of it. he is much better now but still doesn't really 'get it'.

stubbornhubby · 08/12/2010 11:00

at the Stubborn dinner table we have had to negotiate our way to an all family agreement : no phones at the table.

we are still arguing about whether cushions are allowed (thoe with a long MN memory, will know what i am talking about Smile

Asteria · 08/12/2010 11:21

bloody rude, I blame the parents....

LeQueen · 08/12/2010 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pagwatch · 08/12/2010 11:38

My mum is another person who imagines that her phone is the one that rings when the president dials on the big red one in his office. ... She must answer for the sake of all humanity.

About a year ago she answered her phone while we were eating supper......

' sorry grandma, phones are not allowed at the table. It is astonishingly rude.'

(dd , then aged about 6 showing through her choice of phrasing exactly who told her this.... )

GlitteryBalls · 08/12/2010 12:43

My exP used to be on his phone all the time at the table when we were on dates etc. Part of the reason he is my ex. x

Original poster
strandedatseasonsgreetings · 08/12/2010 12:46

LeQueen - curious who it is as there aren't that many female Ambo's and some of my contemporaries from my time (I left a few years ago) are reaching that stage now.

OP posts:
BaggedandTagged · 08/12/2010 12:59

The funny thing is that people think having their blackberry surgically attached to their hand sends out "i am very important and indispensible" vibes, when in fact it is more likely proof that they are a complete Dilbert and their boss's bitch.

DH used to blackberry all evening so I told him not to bother coming home until he'd finished work. I would literally rather have the evening to myself than have him clicking and tutting away. the worst thing was when I used to do night feeds and he'd wake up and start emailing the US. Frikkin ridiculous.

HalfCaff · 08/12/2010 13:48

I think people get into really bad habits and just start to think of it as normal. (Like some people leave the telly on when you go to their house!?) A friend of mine's husband used to come round to bring their dd to play, and for some reason he would stay. He would have one of these head attachments permanently on and take calls on it. He wasn't coming to dinner, but I always thought it was rude anyway. He also kept his coat on and sometimes brought a newspaper and sat there and read it...

Adversecamber · 08/12/2010 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree · 08/12/2010 16:52

Stranded valid point re the cultural aspect.

Where I live in the Middle East amongst the locals not answering your phone is tantamount to slamming the door in the face of the person calling. Doesn't matter where you are are what you are doing the phone will be answered.

LadyInaManger · 08/12/2010 17:22

Only read the first page of this thread but i so identify with your dilemma.

When we invite guests over we say on arrival "oh just a little house rule, no phones at the table" and so they know from the onset. We did this because of a very rude friend who did exactly that but as we have poor reception due to trees etc she had to leave the table and walk to the botton of our garden - she did this 3 times. Our eyes were on stalks. We had also asked if she had any food dislikes and she said no so we cooked pork stroganoff which of course have mushrooms in. She spent the rest of the meal (in between phone calls from soon to be exboyf) picking them out. When we questioned why she hadn't said about not liking them she said she didn't think they would be served. Mushrooms are in so many dishes so i was a bit Shock

She was very young though and it was a good many years ago. don't ever see her now.

Original poster
strandedatseasonsgreetings · 08/12/2010 17:30

Thanks everyone for your input, I think it's an almost universal IANBU which is fairly rare on MN!
Reading everyone's messages, it's nice to know I am not alone. And I do think I will make more of an effort to keep phones away from tables, especially as the dd's get older. We don't have people round to eat very often and over the past 18 months they have almost always been dh's colleagues so I have got used to people answering phones etc at the table. But it IS rude and should be real emergency's only.
Going out for a leaving dinner next week with dh, his boss and three of their colleagues. I will request that phones be put away for the night and kept on vibrate.

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