To think people should not be checking their BlackBerry's all night, at the table, when you have invited them for dinner?

[strandedatseasonsgreetings]

We had some good friends - a couple - over for dinner last night. I cooked up a storm, made a curry and a side dish, we had some wine, it was all lovely. Except the male half of the couple kept reading messages on his Blackberry all night.

Now he has a very senior job in a large company so I assumed it was work and thought nothing of it. My dh also had his Blackberry on the table as he is always on call. But he had it there for important calls only.

However, towards the end of the night, Mr I'm Very Important confessed he had been checking messages about the (American) football results all night. I was fuming (inside - I didn't say anything except to take the piss a bit).

That's rude isn't it? They are really good friends of ours but not sure I would invite them again.

Umm, but he's a bloke, isn't he? Most blokes I know would behave like that when it came to sports results.

I hate mobiles, and never use them ostensibly where people can see me .. but I think you just have to accept that blokes and sport inhabit a different universe, where different rules apply.

OP, I just read your 'Jamaican, cultural' comment and am baffled by it. WTF has being Jamaican got to do with being on a blackberry. Are you implying his lack of manners is because he is Jamaican? Seriously pissed off by that comment, it is dumb

Sorry let me just address this issue. I said this because, living in the Caribbean as I do, there are a lot of things that people do here that we, Brits, would consider rude. For example, they talk, text and make cell phone calls in the cinema during the film.

However, it is not my country and therefore I can't tell them what to do (although I do tut sometimes).

So I wasn't saying "oh he's just a stupid Jamaican, that's what they're like". What I was saying was there are things which are considered totally normal in other countries and cultures which we don't do - is this one of them? And then decided probably not.

However, he is not rude in other ways so perhaps it is.

LeQueen - my dad was an ambassador back in the day and blackberry's et al hadn't even been invented in his time. Funnily enough, the world didn't fall apart just because no-one could get hold of him every second of every day

I made the decision some time ago that when my children are old enough to have mobiles, etc, i will have a basket into which ALL mobile devices must be placed before a meal.

And that will apply to my husband too. And me - who is very reliant on her Blackberry as a freelancer!.

And visitors given the above thread......!!

YABU - are you suggesting that your dh calls are the only important ones or simply that work calls are more important than non work ones? Unless someone is a medical doctor or fireman on call or similar then either no blackberries or all blackberries (preferably none).

Yes from now on I will implement a check-your-phones-in-at-the-door policy. People do it for guns, why not phones!

(I have to make a confession: we are leaving this small island in less than 2 weeks so the chances are we won't have these people round to dinner again unless they come visit us in the UK. But the principle still stands!).

soggy14 - dh in law enforcement, so unfortunately he does get urgent matters to deal with and needs to be constantly on call. However. I do think he deals with non-urgent matters when he doesn't need to as well and I do have a go at him about this.

Mr Very Important works for a large well known hotel chain. V popular in the Caribbean....(I hope I have not said too much).

My mum, sister and BIL all bring laptops when they visit and instantly hook up to our wifi! I don't really care, but I would ask them not to do it during dinner (and have had to ask my mum!)

MiL always bring loads of trash magazines (chat, now etc...) 'for me' but then sits and reads them all the time she is here!

Obviously me and DH are very boring...

It's not just my family then!!

When my mum visits us, about every six weeks to see her GD she sits on her laptop, iphone and mobile all day and night and doesn't interact with any of us. Then when we travel 3 hours to visit her she does the same in her house. I disppear sometimes and wonder why we bothered. Then we went out for a family meal, most of the family I haven't seen for years, and they are all on the iphones at the table all night!! Nightmare!!

Now my DH wants an iPhone!! I don't think so!!!

I hate this with a passion, out in company other week and a close colleague was on his loads through the night then i found when i came home and was checking next day he was "checking us in" to various bars - it right peeed me off especially i hate the whole stalkerish knowing everyones move of it all anyway - so ive deleted him from my facebook now - 10 to go then i can close my accoutn

(oh oh this thread is on discussions of the day - I really hope my friend is not a MN'er. She is lovely and I would hate her to think I was being rude about her dh).

i'm a big fan of media and wouldnt diss iphones as they are possibly the best phone thingy I've ever had but still self restrict use; not when I'm on my own but deffo in the company of others; we need to be friends with our friends in the flesh rather thanthis focus elsewhere

Rude. I went to the theatre recently and there was a man in the row ahead of me on his phone/blackberry whatever. The lit LCD display was right in my line of sight. Would have tapped him on the shoulder if I could have reached him

Can I just say that I think it is fair enough to reflect whether things have the same currency re good manners in different cutural settings.
I live in a multi-racial family and know that there are things I shouldn't do in DP's family home as they are not polite, and similiarly there are things that people do in his culture that I would find very rude if transposed to London. One is that n one has any qualms about mobile phones and I have TWICE seen two different Hindu priests take mobile calls / check mobiles and text back in the middle of a ceremony - no one finds this a problem, though the first time I saw it I was aghast!
Likewise I know many Caribbean families where keeping the tv on full blast and the men watching the footie is de rigeur all the way through dinner when you have guests - while in my Mum's home the TV goes OFF as soon as the doorbell rings - as it does in mine! In dp's family it would be considered downright inhospitable to deny your guests the benefit of the tv.

It may be that your guest did not mean to be rude or disrespectful at all. Intent and attitude is all, really.

Blu - thanks, that was what I was getting at, I'm glad you understand! He probably didn't think for a moment he was doing anything wrong. Like I said earlier, he's a nice man in every other way.

I have a friend from Slovenia who used to keep her tv on ALL THE TIME. Eventually I asked her politely if she could please turn it off while we were talking and she told me off for being so polite and English and not just shouting at her to turn the ruddy thing off.

Well yanbu, but if they are really good friends it wouldn't bother me. Our friends have checked the Arsenal scores during a meal. I would think it odd behaviour if having posh dinner for lots of people or if you didn't know them that well.

I certainly wouldn't say anything. That would be treating him like a child.

My dh would answer his phone during a meal. He's a musician and not answering could mean missing being booked for a gig, as they might just move on to next person on their list.

YANBU - how rude!
I would be annoyed

We went out for a meal with friends the other week. At one of the tables a bloke was sitting there in a party of about 6 others and playing on a nintendo.

Frankly, I'd have otld him to go home if he felt his friends were that boring..

If anyone does this I'm always tempted to get out my phone and text..."do you know how rude you are? Please leave" to them.

YANBU.

Mobiles of any kind have no place at the table, unless the person is on call.

DH has a very good friend who is a journalist and I never forget going out to dinner with him and him being on his phone on and off throughout the meal. I found it REALLY rude and felt pretty offended tbh. What's the point of going out for a meal if you're going to ignore the other people at your table. You might as well sit on your own with a takeaway on your knee at home.

YANBU.

DH used to take calls at the table and chat away without leaving the table! He doesn't any more as I ask him quietly if he could go to another room.

I do think that the poster who said her DH does it during mealtimes with the family should say something to him. DH has done similar to us, but it just hadn't occurred to him that it was sending us the message that we weren't that important. He's bucked his ideas up now!