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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Urgent ish...

37 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 06/12/2010 22:37

Any advice really needed!

DS has just had his 3rd birthday and so last week moved into big nursery. His potty training has not been great - doesn't take himself off very often and hates pooing on toilet. The expectations are much higher in big nursery they are left to take themselves and ask for help. DS is very shy and won't do either. Whilst they have cleaned him up and say its no problem he has been red raw - horrible for him, really sore this week and as a result has been even more reluctant to poo at all!
He is back there tomorrow. I don't want to go backwards but I feel so bad for him. AIBU to put him in a pull up? Or should I see this as teaching him to take himself. The room has 74 children in it so its not easy on him......

and yes..... We are looking at a new nursery after xmas!

What shall I do for tomorrow??

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2010 22:39

owww
pull up i think
only for a couple of weeks

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 06/12/2010 22:39

Aw poor little man, is there no way he can be watched by rellies/friends for the next couple of weeks?

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 06/12/2010 22:40

If not- pull ups at nursery, toilet at home :)

Serendippy · 06/12/2010 22:41

I would go with the pullups I think, would not want to see him red raw and don't think (although I am willing to be proved wrong) that pain and embarrasment will encourage him to learn quicker. Hope you find a nursery which will be better suited to his stage of development.

ICouldHaveWrittenThis · 06/12/2010 22:41

I'd stick him in pull-ups, and send him in with nappy cream and strict instructions that he needs changing immediately and cream putting on.

We've had the same problem with our nursery, DS is just 3 as well and completely regressed with potty training, and never tells anybody when he has a dirty nappy. He gets a rash very quickly so I had to make a big issue about checking him all the time and putting cream on him.

A1980 · 06/12/2010 22:42

Your post doesn't make it clear if he is nursery because you are at work or if he just goes to nursery.

If you aren't a working mum, I'd take him out until after christmas. Concentrate on it at home.

tomhardyismydh · 06/12/2010 22:43

pull ups with a barrier cream applied before nursery and sudo or similar sent in with strict instructions to use it.

they should be checking him and telling him to go every hour or so. You may need to give them some pointers as to prevent this.

StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2010 22:43

oh yes good point

3littlefrogs · 06/12/2010 22:43

Is 74 children to a room usual????

Altaira · 06/12/2010 22:44

Speak to nursery, at just 3 they need to be helping him more. Are they more likely to ignore him if he's in a pullup and then he'll be sorer.

He needs regular toiletting and lots of bottom cream!

StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2010 22:45

i think the OP started a thread about the 74 child thing a couple of weeks ago!

preghead · 06/12/2010 22:46

Recently had exact same situation, ds2 3 in september and went up at same time. at first I continued to put him in pants as has been doing quite well in them since the summer. Much harder in preschool room as like you say they leave them to it much more and more kids. One staff member started getting stroppy with him about accidents, new baby arrived, eventually got pressurised into back in pullups sigh. Just back in pants now but looks like we may have cracked it ( using bribery ! ) so you may just need to accept it will take a bit longer, they are all different I guess ( ds 1 was done and dusted night and day in a week! )

Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 06/12/2010 22:48

Yes I did start that thread and took your advice to look for another, which I have but I am also taking the advice to see how we get on until xmas making the change then if we need to.....which I think we do.

Please don't make me feel bad. This is the worst of timings for lots of reasons and I haven't got any help at all for the next week or two....it really is terrible timing all this!

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 06/12/2010 22:50

ICouldHaveWrittenThis Mon 06-Dec-10 22:41:20
"We've had the same problem with our nursery, DS is just 3 as well and completely regressed with potty training, and never tells anybody when he has a dirty nappy."

He shouldn't have to tell anybody...they should be paying enough attention to notice/check.

tryingtobemarypoppins2, If his potty training hasn't been great, put him back in pull ups, with lots of cream, and make sure the nursery know to check him regularly. And I speak as someone who normally says "never go back to nappies." The poor love must be struggling enough in such a big room. Get the potty training sorted over Christmas and find a nice small nursery for the new year.

pink4ever · 06/12/2010 22:52

What kind of nursery has 74 children??. I would take him out of there right now and concentrate on the toilet training at home and then explain to the new nursery about his needs(my eldest ds is nearly 8 and had lots of accidents,still not completely dry but am no longer fretting about it. They all get there at their own pace).Good luck.

StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2010 22:53

trying, sorry, I wasn't having a go - just mentioning that the 74 thing had been the subject of another thread. As you've mentioned, you are moving him, just not right now.

evolucy7 · 06/12/2010 22:54

Hi there, just wanted to say that if you can't or don't want to take him out of nursery for now, it wouldn't make any difference really to his sore bottom whether he was wearing pants or a pull up would it? Both would need changing quickly? At 3 personally I would be reluctant to go back now, but that is just my experience of my 2 children, and obviously I realise that every child is different.

How long ago did you start potty training?

StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2010 22:56

It may be that with the children in pull ups they are more attentive, assuming the pant children are more competent.
Plus it gives the OP a chance to raise the issue

Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 06/12/2010 22:57

We started in September. The problem is when he is 'asked' if he wants to go he says no gets cross and shy. I just know when he needs to go, insist he does and hey presto he goes. The nursery won't do that. TBH I know what they mean, I am not allowing him to learn to tell me??

OP posts:
evolucy7 · 06/12/2010 22:58

Actually I would think the opposite that they should more attentive to a potty training 3 year old and his toileting needs than a non-potty training one Confused

curlymama · 06/12/2010 23:01

Put him in a pull up for now, but speak to his keyworker about your worries. They should be able to check him regularly and deal with changing whenevr he needs it. If they can't then they simply don't have the levels of staff needed for that many children. Give it a week, and if things don't seem to improve, you will have to think about whether they are able to adequately meet his needs.

I really don't mean to make you feel bad, but at three they should plan for children needing lots of help with toileting, so there should not be a problem. It should definately not lead to your son getting a rash.

Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 06/12/2010 23:02

His tummy seems to be a bit ummmmmm really soft poo (sorry TMI) so any accidenys are messy :(

OP posts:
evolucy7 · 06/12/2010 23:04

Yes I know what they mean, but in reality I would think a lot of potty training is intially done the way you describe, I know in the early days with my children there was always an element of this.

Some people say that suddenly it will click.

Have you tried the good old bribery, lol, what would he really like each day he goes on the toilet at nursery? Do you think he does actually know when he needs to go but for some reason doesn't want to say?

Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 06/12/2010 23:06

I think he gets constipated then runny poo because he is bunged up! He doesn't know the runny poo is coming.....his face says it all. I only part P/T but I often think if I was at home all the time we would be sorted as he hates change of routine.

OP posts:
evolucy7 · 06/12/2010 23:10

No, don't think that about if you were at home, a nursery should be able to assist in potty training, that is part of what you pay a nursery for, to look after your child and help them develop. Smile

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