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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Urgent ish...

37 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 06/12/2010 22:37

Any advice really needed!

DS has just had his 3rd birthday and so last week moved into big nursery. His potty training has not been great - doesn't take himself off very often and hates pooing on toilet. The expectations are much higher in big nursery they are left to take themselves and ask for help. DS is very shy and won't do either. Whilst they have cleaned him up and say its no problem he has been red raw - horrible for him, really sore this week and as a result has been even more reluctant to poo at all!
He is back there tomorrow. I don't want to go backwards but I feel so bad for him. AIBU to put him in a pull up? Or should I see this as teaching him to take himself. The room has 74 children in it so its not easy on him......

and yes..... We are looking at a new nursery after xmas!

What shall I do for tomorrow??

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pantomimecow · 06/12/2010 23:20

Marypoppins-You need to take him to the doctors about this problem.It needs nipping in the bud otherwise his bowel will get stretched,poo will become impacted and things will get worse and worse.

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 06/12/2010 23:25

74 nursery aged children in one room - how the heck does that work??

ICouldHaveWrittenThis · 07/12/2010 00:14

"He shouldn't have to tell anybody...they should be paying enough attention to notice/check."

Lynette - I know. They're actually really good, but he'll go and hide somewhere, sometimes at home it's clear that he's had a dirty nappy for a little while, but I haven't always noticed (he always waits until I'm out of the room/in the shower or something) and then hides out of smelling range Confused little bugger)

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 07/12/2010 22:36

Just an update.
Took him into nursery in a pull up. Had a long chat with his keyworker who said she would ensure he went regually. He did actually do a poo for her when asked to (she noticed a mark in his pants etc). She then removed the pull up and put him in pants.
He later though had a really runny poo, running down his legs which an adult noticed :( He hadn't told anyone! Ah!!!
At the end of the day, when asked to he did another poo for someone different (so many adults :().

So on one hand a good day in as much as I was listened to but a terrible day in terms of the amount of poo! I just don't know whats going on! A tummy bug/constipation?? I really don't know.

Still think I need to move him though.

Massive thank-you for last night, I really needed to know what to do. Thank goodness for MN!

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CarGirl · 07/12/2010 22:40

seems like constipation and overflow, has he seent he dr about it?

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 07/12/2010 22:56

We were given Marvicol some time ago after bad constipation but 1 dose a day seems to still make him too loose??? I need to go back to GP

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CarGirl · 07/12/2010 22:59

perhaps go down to half a sachet a day in the meantime but perhaps he never got cleared out of impacted stuff?

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 07/12/2010 23:02

Half a sachet at once or spread throughout the day do you think?

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CarGirl · 07/12/2010 23:09

Perhaps twice a day? I don't know you really need professional help.

When he first started on it did they tell you to start on a really high dose to clear out his system?

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 08/12/2010 00:39

DS will be 5 next week. he was potty trained after just after he turned 3yo. Birthday, christmas out of the way and then went for it.

Wees were great,easy, done in a few days or so.

Poos.. well... we are pretty much there... almost.

My DS behaved exactly like yours, the hiding, the not liking the loo, waiting till you are busy, holding it, over flow..

Not long after we started potty training, He had a bad tummy, and messed himself in public, and this set us back over 1 year. I'm told this is very common when this happens, and I have to say it's been really tough at times.

In the end I asked the HV about a year ago and she told me to do a star chart, reward with stickers and praise every poo, even those in his pants to begin with!

praise every trip to the toilet. Draw a star chart, get stickers for when he sits on the toilet, then more stickers when he does a poo and a small treat.

We said he will get a 'try' sticker, and if he manages to do a poo in the loo, a rewad every time.

Then

If he gets 3 try stickers he gets a reward, then you can extend this to 5, but he'll generally do a poo by 5th.. as long as you know the signs to watch for, so will get a reward anyway!

After meals, after bath, when he goes quiet.

Main thing (and this is so bloody hard) is not to get cross when he does a poo in his pants, praise him.

If he is like my DS it's his control mechanism. if he is worried about things he may do it in his pants.

He was nearly getting the hang of it and then DH trip home was postponed.

nearly there again and we had a land lady from hell situation where I had to call police and we had to find another house to move to.

When we moved to this house he just clicked, he was happy and safe and it was no issues at all.

Then came the run up to Reception. He started again. Sad

We are pretty much getting there again. he is settled in school, we are 8/10 at the moment.

we never took anything medicine wise, lots to drink, fruit and veg and lots of happy praise, even while you are scrubbing pooey pants....

FWIW, if he is OK on wees, then persevere but do the chart thing and the praise.

I'm betting the unsatisfactory nursery could be a factor.

the above encourages him to get into the habit of poos, to not fear them, and to let them out. You can do it.

autodidact · 08/12/2010 00:44

I don't understand the 74 children thing. Are you in the UK?

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 08/12/2010 19:34

Many thanks LittleMissHoHoHoFit so glad your DS is happy at school and things are settling down.

autodidact its open plan and they have free flow all day, then 20mins group time in the morning and afternoon. They are expected to make and prepare their own snacks in the little kitchen in the centre of the nursery, decide what they want to do, take themselves off to the loo and ask for help if they need it. The activities on offer are very impressive but I do have major concerns TBH.

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