to be totally mystified by this

[tundra]

My brother agreed to lend me £200 to help me get through christmas etc, we've done it before and I've always paid him back. I went round to pick the cheque up this morning but SIL has decided he's not lending it. She said she runs the finances now and she's decided we aren't going to lend to me any money. I said that my brother had agreed to which she said I'm the breadwinner (brother is currently unemployed) and so I will decide how and where money is spent and that unfortunately he agreed the loan without getting her approval and she doesn't agree.

I've got someone else to lend me the money so its not a problem but it seems quite sinister. I'm a lone parent and have never co-habitted but is this the way households with one working person works, the non-working person has to ask the working one whether they are allowed to spend/lend money etc.

The SIL is right, but her phrasing is all wrong. I don't like 'I'm the breadwinner, I decide'. But it sounds like she was put on the spot and annoyed, hopefully it's no more sinister than that.

I think what the SIL has done is the right thing but she should been more delicate in the way that she told you

I suspect she was just trying to point out that she earnt the cash,shouldn't she be consulted as against being controlling. And OP, Christmas comes but once a year, on the same date. £200 is less than £20 per month,try saving next yr.

And even though Dh is the breadwinner at the mo I would still expect him to consult me.

Sounds like it was embarrassing and awkward for the OP, and so now she is feeling mystified as a displacement emotion instead of the shame and embarrassment.