DH thinks I'm mean, am I?

[borderslass]

Told DH last night that DD2[15] was only getting a stocking at christmas and got the look [eye rolling] explained that she's had a small fortune spent on having her room completely done out new furniture the lot. She's happy about it we discussed it before it was done I said it was her birthday [October] and Christmas present she said brilliant. I don't see a problem but he does.

My God! ClassyDiva, I never thought after everything written on this thread there would be another sharing my view!
Prepare to be flames to a frazzle also.

Well it depends what's meant by decorating. If it's just general house maintenance that needs to be done every so often due to general wear and tear, then of course the children shouldn't be 'paying' for that out of their birthday presents. But if it's redoing/replacing/buying new stuff just so she can have it the way she likes, then that's a present IMO.

And as in this case, if it's because they've trashed the room/smashed up furniture on purpose - you bet that would come out of pocket money or presents!

Ephiny- I would be livid if any of my dc trashed their rooms.
I honestly think I'd not bother redecorating & make them mend/ repaint/scrub it themselves. I would not be lifting a finger to help.
& certainly wouldn't be buying anything new!!!
You trash your room,tough, you have to sleep & relax in a hovel.

Zondra, the point here was that the DD had trashed things in the past, but her behaviour had improved over the last year so her present was new furniture et al. Beds, warderobes etc., are very expensive so if the DD is happy then I don't see what the problem is.

I agree that having a newly redecorated room - with new furniture - sounds like a fantastic present. I probably would get a little something to go with the room for under the tree.

When I was 15, I saved up all my money for months and bought the cheapest wallpaper I could find to redecorate my bedroom, plus some paint to give the furniture a new look.
I would have loved to have it done with my choice of wallpaper and new furniture as a present - I wouldn't have dreamt that I should expect my parents to pay for it as a matter of course, it just had horrible wallpaper, it wasn't uninhabitable!

We decorated DD's room as part of her birthday present when she was 2! - (although we did get her some toys and books too.) I think it's much nicer if you can view something like that as a present, rather than something that you just expect to get.

And FWIW, I would be delighted with a coffee machine from DH, even though he actually drinks far more coffee than I do! I actually prefer getting presents that everyone can enjoy, rather than ones that are just for me.

I don't think your being mean at all. One year I had my room done out, curtains, bedding etc for my birthday. I did get a new desk chair that matched, picture, clock and a few ornaments for my birthday which I didn't expect and was a lovely surprise.

I take it DD will have presents from others? So there will be things for her to open?

Oh and for my DS 4th he had bedding, bin, beanbag, lamp etc all for his bedroom as he'd chosen his theme. I wrapped it all but it was lovely spending the day setting it all up.

Sounds absolutely fine as long as it's a nice stocking, not just a cheap and cheerful socks, soap and a tangerine job. DD(7) got a midsleeper as her main Xmas present last year, and she didn't even get it delivered until spring - now that's mean (but she was festooned with presents from relatives).

Does this count along the kitchen appliences lists!! but I've asked my parents for a printer as mine has taken to eating the paper!!!

Of course you're not being mean. You agreed with her that her room was her christmas and birthday present and she was happy with it. She's old enough to make decisions like that.

Zondra, that's the point though, the decor is acceptable, so anything else would be a luxury.

Why can't she take it with her? Its furnture isn;t it? She can use it when she first gets her own place which may not be too many years on the future if she is 15

I'm getting fencing from my parents for Christmas. There is nothing I would like more at the moment than to stop next doors' dogs from shitting in our garden, and we can't afford it ourselves. (Okay, apart from an open wood fire )

Should presents only be frivolous crap?

(YANBU )

Of course it's fine for a 15 year old. Finishing touch for the room sounds like good idea in stocking.

And I would love a teasmade for Christmas! Or any nice kitchen stuff. Because I consider that sort of thing to be a treat. :)

And why is it important to have stockings full of expensive gifts? Love and fun are much more important and long lasting.

ooooh I got given a teasmade one birthday - pretty much the best present I've ever had! I LOVE it, the way it wakes me with the sound of boiling water, the fact it has the best emergency button in all the world (just says, in big letters "TEA NOW" ) and its fabulous 70s style
It wasn't even new - my friend got it off ebay, I love it dearly though.

God, I must be really sad - I've book next years christmas present already - and it'd a Miele Cat N Dog Hoover!! So not only do I want an appliance - I'm using 2 christmases to pay for it!

(Disclaimer - by next Xmas we will be in our 'own' home for the first time, and we'll have 2/3 more pets - I know that Cat N Dog is the best - but pricey - and DH would see it as a desireable rather than a necessity - this way I get what I want, he doesnt stress about present buying and he has no excuse to back down on the extra pets thing! Win Win)

Oh and OP - I really dont think UABU. I had my bedroom done when I was 15 and only got a small stocking for Xmas.

Idea was that if it was done as an Xmas present I could have whatever I wanted - rather than what my M&D thought was 'tasteful'. I loved my Red N Black bedroom (80's)! Mind you, they repainted it magnolia the day I moved out

RobynLou. I want a Teasmade.

But there's no point until our Mobile Alarm Unit (aka ds2) lets me sleep long enough to make it worthwhile.

Sounds like you have it sorted if she's happy. It's not as if the stocking you describe doesn't have some nice presents in it.

You say that she has come through a very bad patch of behaviour and is now on the level again? Have you thought about writing her a little something in her Christmas card about how proud you are of her taking control of her behaviour and how much you love her? Am sure you've said this already (I would imagine that redecorating the room was part of that), but it's always nice to have it written down.