DH thinks I'm mean, am I?

[borderslass]

Told DH last night that DD2[15] was only getting a stocking at christmas and got the look [eye rolling] explained that she's had a small fortune spent on having her room completely done out new furniture the lot. She's happy about it we discussed it before it was done I said it was her birthday [October] and Christmas present she said brilliant. I don't see a problem but he does.

No need to feel sorry for me!

Apocolypse- get a grip with the personal insults.
Idiot.

I obviously have a different opinion. Op, asked a question & I answered that is all.

To the poster accussing me of being selfish & greedy for not wanting to receive a kitchen appliance but, something more personal, I'd love to be enlightened how this is so?
A coffee machine to me is on par with a kettle or a microwave. A kitchen implement not a personalised gift.

I do have sympathy for those who cannot afford to decorate- the poster that says all she has done is throw around a bit of magnolia & otherwise hasn't decorated, that is a crap situation.

I think it's fine but I'm a bit confused - is your DH her father? It's just your turn of phrase that you 'told' him this was happening, rather than agreed it with him or whatever. If he's not her father then yes up to you but if he is, surely it's not a case of 'telling' him?

The Ops DD is 15.

Surely she is old enough to reach an agreement with her mum without it having to be run past Dad?

She isn't a baby any more, she knows her own mind.

When I was that age I would frankly have been a bit pissed off if my Dad had weighed in and tried to upset an arrangement I had come to with my mum.

Zondra - I am with you over the kitchen equipment.

My Dad once bought my mum an electric carving knife for Xmas. Luckily he told
me before the day and I advised him to get a personal present instead if he wanted to avoid divorce!

You did not say "kitchen appliance" you said "Coffee machine" which are expensive ffs, hardly on par with a kettle or microwave which I would agree, is a shit present..

And so you implied that you would not like a coffee machine (expensive) for a present as everyone else would use it which imo is selfish and greedy

I don't think her age is relevant as to whether both parents are involved in Christmas presents or not tbh.

It doesn't sound like her Dad (if it is her Dad) is 'weighing in and trying to upset the arrangement', just that he thinks she ought to get Christmas presents as well.

It was just the turn of phrase used that made me a bit .

Tragically - you think Zondra's family aint going to drink coffee?

A coffee machine may be expensive but it is still a kitchen appliance.

Whats wrong with wanting a personal present?

We women really should be a bit more selfish and greedy as we are always at the bottom of the list of family priorities.

@ carving knife! Now, that would have really annoyed me!

A coffee machine is a kitchen appliance/implement.
If it is not then what is it?

I'm not understanding that because a coffee machine can sometimes be expensive then it should be regarded more personalised or covetable.
Kettles, coffee machines, Smeg fridges, baking trays are all the same to me. Some very much more expensive than others.
It is STILL a kitchen appliance in my eyes & I wouldn't want to receive it. Or a new bed. Or a new couch. Or any home accoutrement or any stick of furniture.

Prices of gifts do not bother me, I just like something that purely for me & personal & my dh knows not to fob a house item (whether luxury or not) on me.
I'd rather have £5 bath oil than be presented with an Aga.

I am certainly not greedy or selfish.
Maybe you are tragicallyhip, as because coffe machines sometimes can be expensive see this as a worthy gift?
Sounds pretty materialistic to me.

I did not say there was something wrong with wanting a personal present but it's the thought that counts surely?

Of course they might drink the coffee, I had thought about getting Dh a machine as he LIKES a nice coffee every now and then, I know he would appreciate it. Does that mean I could not use it occasionally?

Not sure about your family but I can assure you I am not at the bottom of the list of family priorities!

Tbh I am happy not to receive anything and am more than happy to receive kitchen gadgets, as I said before thought that counts.

So no I am not greedy or selfish or materialistic!

I think that the op's dd might still be hoping for a present or two. And would be delighted if she got them.

She's 15. She'll be thinking like a 15 year old, not an adult.

Well, that's great Tragicallyhip. Me neither.
Think before throwing such insults to others, you obviously do not like receiving your own accusations back.

YANBU - sounds like a great deal to me!

Tragically - yes i guess if you have made it known that you want something like this as a present then fair enough.

But lots of people (me included) would prefer something else (and my choice would probably cost a lot less than a coffee maker!).

What is wrong with wanting to get a present that you actually want?

Glad to hear you are not downtrodden, Tragic, but surely the "thought" should be about trying to get something that the recipient actually wants.

Tragicallhip, I see you raise my £5 bath oil & don't mind receiving nothing. Touché!

wewewolf - she is getting a present or two - just not a load of great big expensive ones.

Zondra - yes my Dad really is the last of the great romantics!

Dh and i agreed many years ago that he would not by me things for the kitchen and i would not buy him things for the car or garden

the girl is 15, old enough to appreciate her room being made to look lovely as a gift - especially after trashing it before.

DD gets all sorts of fabulous stuff and for her birthday one of her friends gave her a pretty patchwork cushion. Three months later that remains her fav present
( glad i spent a fortune on a digital camera when the cushion was the best gift.. and )

Pinkelephants- my dad bought my mum an electric toothbrush. She was not happy! Funnily, enough it caused a bit of debate in the family. All practical types thought it was great!

As I have said before I did not say there was anything wrong with wanting a present that you actually want.

I would have thought that a coffee machine is a decent gift. I see it as a luxury kitchen appliance and not an essential. Had Zondra used a kettle as an example we would not be having this conversation.

I do not give a toss what insults you throw at me, be my guest!

I think I would be inclined to buy a pressie or 2. Nothing big, but maybe a few small thoughtful items.

She wouldn't expect it, and hopefully would be very surprised and touched.

Also, she'll only be living at home a few short years, I think I would want to get her a few things. I know I would feel sad if I didn't have much to open - no matter what the circumstances.

Finally, you don't have to do it - you would be showing her a kindness. Which is what makes the world spin don'tcha know :)

Zondra - at least a toothbrush is personal (I hope)

PinkElephants - yeah, I know. But I also know how teenagers think and I bet she's hoping for something other than her room done.

"There is nothing she wants needs she will get the usual in stocking scents,CD, chocolate ,smellies etc I do spend a fair bit on the stockings."

YANBU It sounds like she's getting some decent stuff in her stocking.

PinkElephants "My Dad once bought my mum an electric carving knife for Xmas. Luckily he told
me before the day and I advised him to get a personal present instead if he wanted to avoid divorce!"

I'd have thought he would have been lucky to get away with divorce. It could so easily have been certain parts of his anatomy in danger

Chaotic - he's lucky he has me to look out for him!