DH thinks I'm mean, am I?

[borderslass]

Told DH last night that DD2[15] was only getting a stocking at christmas and got the look [eye rolling] explained that she's had a small fortune spent on having her room completely done out new furniture the lot. She's happy about it we discussed it before it was done I said it was her birthday [October] and Christmas present she said brilliant. I don't see a problem but he does.

I think it is fine. especially if, as you say, she mistreated the previous furniture. Seems she will take responsibility for the new stuff because it was a present. If she's agreed to it it sounds as if she is happy. Out of interest, what will be in her stocking?

I've always loved receiving furniture/furnishings as presents and have quite a few lovely things that I have received at birthdays/Christmases over the years.

My DD feels the same way. She actually loves the idea that her parents and grandparents got together and chose her lovely furniture that she uses every day.

This is all mad.

Everyone does what they can, everyone does the best they can by their kids.

Why on earth are you arguing about decorating?

Ha,ha! Good old mn!

Here we go, everyone who is a decent loving parent pays for their children's bedroom furnishings through, birthdays & Christmases.

I know at 5 years old, I would have preferred a doll or teddy to a new shelf or desk lamp.

Rather, like now, where I'd rather have something truly for me than say a coffee machine from my dh, as that would not be truly for me. It's just killing 2 birds with the 1 stone.

You're not mean. In fact as she agreed to it if you go back on your deal and still get her presents you are not teaching her important skills re planning. Although getting her something small would be nice, just not a substantial gift.

I think that your DH probably feels its mine but perhaps he wasn't involved in the bedroom thing? And doesn't realise that it means a lot to your DD? Perhaps because your DH doesn't see the room as a present himself, whereas you and your daughter do he is projecting it on the decision you and dd made?

Here we go, everyone who is a decent loving parent pays for their children's bedroom furnishings through, birthdays & Christmases.

Right. Well, Merry Christmas to you from all the millions of poor people who can't. How great you've made them feel! What love and Christmas spirit!

It must be lovely on insulated Planet Zondra.

I think it's a great idea, bearing in mind her age, there isn't a great deal they want at that age anyway !

I think there's a difference though between essential decoration and something more fancy.

Like clothes. We buy ds1 all the clothes he needs , although I always try to get what I think he'd like within the parameters of 'sensible and long-lasting'. However if he wanted some designer brand t-shirt or whatever, that would be a Christmas or birthday present.

So if it was basic paint or paper, then we'd cover the cost of that aside from Christmas. If ds1 had a large say in what went in there and there was furniture/accessories involved, then that would be a Christmas /birthday present.

But all this is moot anyway. Your DD is getting presents as well- in her stocking. So YANBU.

not mean at all :)

re decorating - there's decorating and decorating isn;t there? bog standard ok stuff or really nice, personal stuff? deffo ok to do lovely personal decorating as a gift, rather than ok, "nice" but not special stuff.

x post Shodan!
but same gist

You were rather more succinct than me though MayorNaze

YANBU as you discussed it with her beforehand and she's happy with it.

Would only be mean if you didn't tell her after the room was done.

A lick of paint and some new cutains is one thing (especially if replacing babyish ones) but a complete revamp with new furniture is quite another.

Sounds like a lovely Birthday/Christmas present to me.

but she's not 5 zondra, she's 15...makes a big difference.

Humph, stop showing off MayorNaze with your fancy gadgets.

Some of us have bought presents and can't afford a gavel

I would buy something for the room, like a pp said. A clock, a picture, or a cushion etc.

That way, she's got something to unwrap, but you have still done what you said and the 'room' is her Christmas present.

That way you can't lose.

Zondra, I haven't specifically decorated any room in my house.
Magnolia paint throughout when we moved in as it was grotty.

I wouldn't allocate that as a Christmas present and I don't think anyone here it.
But if a teenager said they wanted it doing in a particular way and we couldn't afford to do it on top of buying Christmas presents, then why not?

I dont think you are mean. BUT as you said she has really changed her behaviour for the better this year, I personally would get her a "surprise" pressie for xmas morning. I would say it was because she's been such a fantastic DD this year.

And I would let DH be involved in buying/choosing.

So Zondra you expect a coffee machine AND a christmas present just because DH would be using the machine Greedy, selfish springs to mind!

I don't think it's mean Op, if your Dd has agreed then fair enough. Maybe just buy a few cheap things for her to unwrap on the day

Given that the OPS DD trashed her room, it is entirely fair that she is getting redecoration, new furniture as Xmas present.

As you have agreed it with her and she is happy, YANBU.

She is 15 and nearly an adult.

I would do the same.

Yes, normally you would expect to bear the cost of redecoration and furniture yourself, but if Dcs abuse it, they should contribute towards replacement.

I would agree get some cheap, token presents and all enjoy a lovely day together.

Actually it is only OPs DH who is not happy with this and frankly it is none of his business!

I wouldn't say it's none of his business. He's her parent too and entitled to an opinion, surely. Perhaps he and the OP could reach a compromise. I like QuickLookBusy's idea of a (small) surprise present as a reward for turning her attitude around this year.