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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to write a rude riposte to BIL? Let me know before I click send.

139 replies

Spidermama · 03/12/2010 18:44

Two of my children, an 11 year old and a 12 year old, enjoy being on Facebook along with, it seems, most of their friends.

My Brother in law, who has no children of his own, has sent me the following message on FB (Names changed but otherwise copied and pasted)

" Spider - shouldn't the kids be min. 13yrs to be on FB?

My friend Joe Bloggs is using rich language for instance, so it has always bothered me that Spiderboy and Spidergirl are on my FB 'friends' list for this sort of reason.

The only thing is that, it seems rude to remove them (the kids). Links to Spiderboy's pictures of his 'bezzie', (best mate?) appeared on my news feed.

Can I speak frankly? I just don't think it is right. I'm thinking of deleting them."

I have written, but not yet sent, a reply saying it's fine for them to be on, he's wrong but he can delete them if he wants. I've also reassured him they have absolutely no interest in his sweary friend Joe Bloggs anyway. I have also included the odd sarcastic remark thanking him for his parenting advice. Should I leave out the sarcasm?

I am pretty pissed off with his patronising tone tbh. I won't mention that he's 44, single and back living with his mum.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 03/12/2010 19:56

I agree with your BIL, he sounds lovely.Smile
I wouldn't let my DCS join FB until they turned 13, you had to lie to make them an account didn't you? Hardly the sort of example I would want to set for my dcs. Hmm
DD is kept up to date with family news, pics etc from my page.

Lulumaam · 03/12/2010 19:57

facebook is riddled with links/viruses/spams/ click this and see this and it is something horrible and awful

why do you seem totally unable to grasp this?

the internet is an amazing thing, but children need a bit of sheperding around it

how odd you would take against oyur BIL lookin out for your children?

Original poster
Spidermama · 03/12/2010 19:58

' There's a rule: I don't get why you wouldn't stick to it.'

Umm ... because I like to think for myself.

OP posts:
LunarRose · 03/12/2010 19:58

I worry about youngsters on facebook, not juet because of what they can see but also because of what other people can see about them. Very few 10 or 11 years are good with the privacy settings, in some cases their aim is to see and be seen. Please if your kids are on their check what a stranger can see about them

ConstanceFelicity · 03/12/2010 19:59

So you don't want to teach your children to follow rules?

Original poster
Spidermama · 03/12/2010 20:01

I'm teaching them to respect rules and to think for themselves. If only the Germans had done this 70 years ago ...

OP posts:
BonniePrinceBilly · 03/12/2010 20:05

You can't agree with those that say its too young for FB? Like, er, FACEBOOK?

Seriously, you'll be so happy you taught them to think for themselves when they're knacker-drinking cider at the swings. Cos, like, age limits are just guidelines, you gotta think for yourself, dude.

Hmm
sleepingin · 03/12/2010 20:05

I was beginning to think that you were more reasonable than your OP suggests, spider, but that last comment is frankly idiotic.

tesrocks · 03/12/2010 20:06

YABU, three cheers for clued up Uncle!

daisy5678 · 03/12/2010 20:07

Yep, we're all like Nazis to follow rules. Sorry, like Nazi-supporters. Hmm

pagwatch · 03/12/2010 20:09
Confused
taintedsnow · 03/12/2010 20:10

Oh dear. FB restricts its members to those over 13 only. You should respect it for the simple fact that FB makes the rules on FB. Hope that's clear.

Your attitude on this is worrying. BIL is very reasonable, very sensible and clearly has your childrens best interests at heart.

Shame that the same can't be said about their mother....

unfitmother · 03/12/2010 20:10

YABU! Your BIL is absolutley right.
Your last comment re. the Nazis is disgusting.

MortaIWombat · 03/12/2010 20:10

Yay,I call Godwin's!

taintedsnow · 03/12/2010 20:11

OMG, did you actually compare this situation to Nazi Germany?!

You're completely bonkers, OP.

ConstanceFelicity · 03/12/2010 20:11

Spidermama, the moment you mentioned the Nazis, you lost the argument imo. Nonsensical and weak argument.

QuintessentialShadows · 03/12/2010 20:12
Hmm I find that statement pretty offensive spidermama.

What is wrong with you?

If that is the kind of thought brought forward by you thinking for yourself, maybe you should stop.

SauvignonBlanche · 03/12/2010 20:13

You've brought the Nazis into this?? Shock
You're a loon!

winnybella · 03/12/2010 20:16

YABU.

And possibly bonkers.

darleneconnor · 03/12/2010 20:16

YANBU

Does no-one understand the facebook privacy settings?

Friend DOES NOT = access to full profile.

Lulumaam · 03/12/2010 20:18

what a grotesque thing to say !
have suddenly lost an awful lot of respect for you

grossly offensive .

HuckingFell · 03/12/2010 20:19

Rosaanne yeah? I looved Darlene

schoolsecretary · 03/12/2010 20:19

My dd who is 13 is on fb, she' s my friend but i have set my privacy so that I can see what she writes but she can't see what I or my friends write. That way my friends don't have to watch their language to make it suitable for her. If your Bil is bothered he can do the same.

sleepingin · 03/12/2010 20:24

This thread didn't ask AIBU to allow my kids to use fb, but whether she should write a (as declared by the OP) sarcastic riposte to his expresion if concern about his niece and nephew.

If the OP herself us confident that her children use the correct settings she could have politely reassured her brother that they are implemented, and that this cones hand in hand with monitoring their use.

Jux · 03/12/2010 20:28

My dd's (11) friends - pretty well all of them - are on FB. I had held out for a long long time before finally saying OK to her earlier this year. She sent friend invites to lots of people, including adults who are friends of mine. Some confirmed, but quite a few sent me messages asking me to explain to dd that they couldn't be her friend, for precisely the reason your BIL gave.

Quite reasonable of them and of your BIL.

You, however, ABU.