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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peeved MIL rings SIL to offer help but not me.......

33 replies

DrNortherner · 01/12/2010 16:54

Grrrr. She has always favoured SIL and most things go over my head.

Anyway, SIL just told me that MIL kindly rang her at 8.00am this morning to see if she needed any help with the kids cause of the snow and stuff and possible school closures. And I can't help but be pissed off that she did not ring me ffs.

SIL is a SAHM btw and I am a WOHM, not having a debate but FFS if schools are closed then surely I am the one who will need help?

Grrrrr.

Feel like pulling her up on this one tbh.

OP posts:
LadyViper · 01/12/2010 16:57

I don't know about your family dynamics so this might not be the case, but maybe she thought that your mum would help you?

HecateQueenOfWitches · 01/12/2010 16:58

She's not her daughter then? you're both her sons' wives?

I understand how you feel. It's not fair. But she's free to offer help to whomever she chooses and she's not obliged to help you out.

It would be wonderful if she wanted to. I don't understand people who are like her - do for one but not the other - but I accept that like it or not, it's their right and I have no right to make demands of them.

Does she see you are more capable than her other daughter in law? Maybe?

Original poster
DrNortherner · 01/12/2010 16:59

My Mum is 90 miles away and doesn't drive.

SIL is not her daughter btw. We are both married to her sons.

OP posts:
MrManager · 01/12/2010 17:05

How close is she to your SIL? (Geographically)

iwasyoungonce · 01/12/2010 17:07

You should say something to her. YANBU at all.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 01/12/2010 17:08

We all live in the same town. She is probably slightly closer to SIL but only by a matter of minutes.

OP posts:
iwasyoungonce · 01/12/2010 17:09

Does she hold it against you that you work?

TrappedinSuburbia · 01/12/2010 17:10

Maybe because you work she thought you would have childcare arranged anyway for this eventuality?

Limez · 01/12/2010 17:11

I know its a bit crap and must feel unfair but neither of you are her children - there's no requirement to treat you both as equals.

I guess she is just treating you as people, and we all feel closer to some people than others.

thefurryone · 01/12/2010 17:12

You're different people who have a different relationship with her, perhaps she feels more comfortable offering assistance to your SIL whereas she could feel you wouldn't want or need it.

I can understand why you're annoyed though.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 01/12/2010 17:14

iwasyoungonce - I hope not! She was a WOHM too.

I know she does not owe me anything, but this is one incident in many and it annoys me.

OP posts:
bigchris · 01/12/2010 17:16

maybe she sees you as the strong independent type and the other sil as needing a bit of help
I know that's how my mum sees me and my sister and it is a bit irksome

iwasyoungonce · 01/12/2010 17:16

Even if she has got a closer relationship with the other SIL, I still think she was being thoughtless. Clearly a WOHM would need the help more.

YouKnowStuffingisforLunch · 01/12/2010 17:17

It's not possible she called sil instead of you accidentally? It's the sort of thing my scatty mother would do.

iwasyoungonce · 01/12/2010 17:17

Ah well then, if she was a WOHM herself then you'd expect her to understand how hard it can be in these circumstances. I'd have a word, definitely.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 01/12/2010 17:18

If she called her in error than she would have called me straight after.

Maybe she does see me as more capable, maybe my ford handles much better in the snow than SIL's Audi 4 x 4 Hmm

OP posts:
YouKnowStuffingisforLunch · 01/12/2010 17:21

It depends whether she realised she hadn't spoken to you iyswim.

If it was a short conversation along the lines of "hello! Just wondering if you need a hand with the dcs today"

"no we're fine."

"great stuff, I'll let you get on! Just thought I'd offer!"

Levels of scattiness are varied.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 01/12/2010 17:22

No! She may be many things but scatty she aint.

OP posts:
diddl · 01/12/2010 17:25

Were your children at home from school today then?

Original poster
DrNortherner · 01/12/2010 17:27

Not this morning no, school closed early at 1.00pm

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 01/12/2010 17:29

Sahm here... err can't think why I may possibly need help more than you unless she had some special reason, pregnant, ill, dc ill?

Arranging child care at short notice is a pain whatever your status, but if you are at home anyway...? Confused

However, she can help who she wants though it is not unreasonable to feel miffed about it.

YouKnowStuffingisforLunch · 01/12/2010 17:31

Ah, not a scatty type, so I'm clasping at straws there.

No you're not unreasonable at all. Could you ask her for help if you need to leave work tomorrow?

It might make her see she's being a plonker offering help to the wrong person.

CheeseChomper · 01/12/2010 17:31

YANBU - i'd be pissed off tbh.

Although as other posters have said, she's not obliged to help anyone... having said that, it doesn't feel good though when it seems that she prefers SIL! If my MIL did the same, and offered help to my SIL and then not me, i'd be a little miffed! Some people are a bit thoughtless though, or just don't care!

Has she helped you out lately? i.e. if she feels that she's done a lot for you/ seen your DCs then maybe she thought it was SIL turn?

diddl · 01/12/2010 17:31

So were you OK as regards work/childcare?

TBH if she usually does this I´d let it go-I´d rather have no help than help grudgingly given.

Does she prefer her other grandchildren?

activate · 01/12/2010 17:33

Is your SIL nicer to your MIL than you are do you think?

People don't have to like you as much as they like other people you know - in fact maybe they just get on better - what does SIL say about it

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