to be peeved MIL rings SIL to offer help but not me.......

[DrNortherner]

Grrrr. She has always favoured SIL and most things go over my head.

Anyway, SIL just told me that MIL kindly rang her at 8.00am this morning to see if she needed any help with the kids cause of the snow and stuff and possible school closures. And I can't help but be pissed off that she did not ring me ffs.

SIL is a SAHM btw and I am a WOHM, not having a debate but FFS if schools are closed then surely I am the one who will need help?

Grrrrr.

Feel like pulling her up on this one tbh.

When your MIL wants help (and the time will come), you can refuse and feel no guilt.

Know it's annoying but it's up to her who she offers / doesn't offer to help. Does SIL spend more time with her, ring her more etc., or maybe she just prefers / has more in common with her other son, SIL and children to your DH, you and your children.

My MIL is the same, had very little help and support even though she was younger when I had DS, but since SIL had children she has given them lots of help.

MIL lives in a flat SIL owns and pays well below market rent. Think this is a huge factor.

I know I just need to get over it.

MIL helps them way more than us, most sat nights she has their kids overnight. She helps me if I ask, but it would be nice for her to offer once in a while.

Actually, I spoke to MIL last night and she was unwell. I offered to do her supermarket shop today if she was still unwell......

Family dynamics sometimes go like this. In our family we have one member who is affectionately and privately called "aah poor x". Basically every time another senior family member talks about her it is "aah poor x did this" or "that happened to aah poor x". Basically she is just seen as being more needy so gets more help. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't and maybe she plays it up a bit. But that's just how it is.

Sounds as though your MIL might feel she owes SIL something whereas you are the capable, coping one. That's how your family dynamics are. Maybe talking about it would help but ime these things are difficult to change as they are so ingrained.

Karma - that's a day I am looking forward too. When my Dad was ill (and then died) she just kept telling me how I couldn't do everything to care for him and DS (who is disabled). Not even one offer to help me out yet drops everything to go and help her other son/dil.

We are the only family in the same town so if she or fil need care then they will be looking to us. But I will remifd herof wht she saID

sounds like she is aware she is paying well below market rate and is making up for it with favours / support which is honourable don't you think?

do something nice for her and she'll probably pay you back

make an effort

Sorry about your dad starfish

Oh, sounds as if MIL feels obliged then, so I wouldn´t take it personally.

And if you generally get on OK with her...