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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Damn school concert AIBU

34 replies

mumofloads · 01/12/2010 16:51

Would really like to know if people think IABU about this.

Every year my dc school hold a carol concert at the local church. They do two shows. The first is during the school day and all the children walk the mile or so from the school to the church and back. They are escorted by staff and parent helpers.
The other show is in the evening after school. All the children are expected to be at both concerts.
The problem I have is that DH is working so is not available to transport ds and dd to the concert in the evening. I have 4 other dc at home. The school only give two tickets per family so taking all the family in the evening is not an option.
I only have two available babysitters my eldest dd and my dm.
DD is working and DM has just left hospital so neither is available.

I had this same problem last year so didn't send dc to the evening concert. The next day I found out that all the children that had attended the evening concert were rewarded with chocolate and extra break time. I felt this was really unfair as it was me that didn't send my dc so I felt they were being punished unfairly. I made my feelings very clear to the school and thought they would be a little more flexible in future.
But we have just received a letter telling us as usual all children are expected at both concerts.
Sorry this is so long. If you have managed to get to the end AIBU to not send the dc again.

The worst thing is they love going and felt really left out last year when everyone else was praised for "making the effort to attend both concerts".

OP posts:
InkyStamp · 01/12/2010 17:00

Can you not ask one of their friends to transport them for you?

MrManager · 01/12/2010 17:00

If you can make it work, send them. Sometimes circumstances just don't allow it.

But they are not being punished - they are just not being rewarded. Big difference.

taintedsnow · 01/12/2010 17:04

YANBU, but I would try to do what Inky suggested and ask a friend if they could help.

The reward/punishment of breaktime and chocolate should've been given to all children, as presumably they all attended at least one concert.

BelligerentGhoul · 01/12/2010 17:05

YANBU - it's a bloomin' pain. And horrible to punish children (or leave them out of a reward) for not making it in to the evening concert.

Original poster
mumofloads · 01/12/2010 17:12

mr manager are you my dc teacher. that's exactly what the response was last year. I just can't get my head round it being fair to reward some children and not others for something that is out of the childs control. It is up to the parents to get the children there not the children.

inky can't go into details but transporting with another parent isn't an option. The scool are aware of the reasons for this and would agree.

It's a lovely school and if I talk to them they will understand my personal circumstances. It's the rewarding children for going I don't agree with.

OP posts:
MrManager · 01/12/2010 17:16

Obviously the children can't really control the circumstances but the fact is the other children are at the event and singing to the people, and your children are not. Thus, they don't get rewarded.

The logistics of juggling 6 kids must be a nightmare, btw.

InkyStamp · 01/12/2010 17:26

ok, do you have a friend who can sit for the 1/2 hr or so it would take to drop them off? And then again when you pick them up?

curlymama · 01/12/2010 17:30

Could you take them and just not stay to watch? You could keep all the others in the car, drop the other two off and let them do their thing?

I know it would be a huge hassle for you, but it might be the only way if you don't want them to miss out on the reward.

DanZZZenAroundTheTreeAgain · 01/12/2010 17:38

surely someone in one of their classes would be willing to transport another two dc in their car. Are you uncomfortable asking?

What time is the evening concert?

DanZZZenAroundTheTreeAgain · 01/12/2010 17:39

Could you ask a neighbour as a one off favour to babysit?

Original poster
mumofloads · 01/12/2010 17:41

DH has to take car to work so I would have to go on the bus. I would have to take all the children with me as having anyone other than DD or DM sit with them is not an option, for the same reasons I can't ask another mum to transport. Far to cold to have them all hanging about outside the church. Also to late on a school night.
God I do actually feel really U.

Wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know the dc really want to go.

OP posts:
DanZZZenAroundTheTreeAgain · 01/12/2010 17:44

If you cannot, you simply cannot. DOn't take it to heart, sometimes we can't do things we'd like to be able to do for the dc. Give them a nice treat to take to school tomorrow if you have anything handy - chocolate/gingerbread men or something maybe.

I also think it is unnecessary of the school to single out those who attended the evening choir concert for a treat. Why not give it out at the concert when it is over?

MrManager · 01/12/2010 17:45

It sounds just plain unworkable.

Stay at home with them, and buy them a Mars Bar or something in lieu of the reward from school.

Cathycat · 01/12/2010 17:47

Ask the school if they can think of a solution. There might be a teacher staying behind who would be happy to take them, x

DaftApeth · 01/12/2010 17:52

Could your dh/dd not take some time off work?

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 01/12/2010 17:59

where's that lunatic troll to suggest you shouldn't have had so many kids? Hmm

I sympathise, what a nightmare - is there any of their mates' parents can take them? Can you get extra tickets so all your children can go?

zipzap · 01/12/2010 18:04

Could you ring up the school and say that you would love to come to the concert but that due to the problems with getting other children looked after you will need either 5 tix so you can all attend (not sure if you would want to go with all the other kids to look after) or ask what provisions they are making to help people who are unable to get their kids there for whatever reason...

If you throw it back at them, you might find that they are able to provide some other sort of help...

Numberfour · 01/12/2010 18:06

Zipzap has a good suggestion.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 01/12/2010 18:11

Could DH not go to work by another means, thereby giving you the car to drop off and pick up

curlymama · 01/12/2010 18:11

Yes, that is a good idea. Even if they just sat in a classroom with a game or something so that you could go.

Or, make you Dh understand that he is going to need to let you use the car, whether that means him using public transport or not going. It's juat one of those sacrifices he will have to make.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 01/12/2010 18:31

Was just going to say that, amothersplace.

For one day, your husband could take the bus / train / taxi / walk, surely?

thehat · 01/12/2010 18:40

They can't insist the children go unless it is counted as a school session. If that was the case an official register would be taken and they would be given a daytime session off (late start/early finish) in lieu of evening attendance.

emptyshell · 01/12/2010 19:00

Worth asking if they can possible squish all of you into the performance (they probably could if you explained it to them).

Otherwise - just don't go, I used to mentally factor in not a 100% attendance for the evening performance of school plays and stuff. Might have meant I made sure they weren't doing a critical solo part (so I would have had them doing something in a group where the hole wouldn't be noticed as much), but you can't always rely on everyone making the return trip to school on an evening anyway.

The rewarding only for the evening kids - that's bullshit tho - extra playtime or whatever for everyone for working so hard on it all, not for those who did come out on the evening because that's really rewarding parental effort anyway and just not fair in general toward kids whose parents didn't/couldn't get them out.

AMAZINWOMAN · 01/12/2010 19:04

Can you send them in a taxi?

bumpsoon · 01/12/2010 19:05

What is the reason no other parent could transport them?