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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my friend being over the top - re nut allergy

48 replies

deaconblue · 01/12/2010 16:00

Bit of background - friend's ds has a severe peanut allergy. He has been tested and is categorically not allergic to almonds.
I offered to bring some home made amaretti cup cakes to a party for the adults. Am making plain sponge cakes for the children. Her ds is not allergic to almonds (or almond flavouring) but she has texted me today to say she doesn't want any nut products whatsoever near him.
I'm a bit Confused because neither she nor her ds needs to go anywhere the cakes and they don't contain anything that could hurt him anyway.

OP posts:
DaftApeth · 01/12/2010 16:03

Peanuts are 'dirty' nuts and often contaminate other nuts during the packing process. Ds has a peanut and hazelnut allergy and we tend to avoid all nuts on the advice of the consultant.

If it is just as easy to do something else, I would. Have the almond containing cakes another time.

Is it really worth the resentment over some cakes, especially if it reassures the mum (who is supposed to be your friend)?

ICouldHaveWrittenThis · 01/12/2010 16:04

maybe it's just easier for her to say 'no nut products at all'?

Is there something else you can make?

TattyDevine · 01/12/2010 16:05

She's being a bit U however she probably can do without any dramas at a party that she might want to enjoy therefore is covering all bases.

Its a bit rough on the basis that at Christmas, there are almonds everywhere (marzipan etc) and if he was allergic in an airborne way, she'd probably know by now or it would probably happen from something else.

What I'm saying is that you'll probably not be "allowed" to bring your almond cupcakes yet someone else will bring some mince pies that has some almonds in it or a stollen or something and nothing will happen yet its you who hasn't been able to make your cupcakes.

I'd rather be you than her though - its a right faff having a nut allergic child so I'd just leave it and she may be being OTT or she may not, but she probably is.

Original poster
deaconblue · 01/12/2010 16:07

I won't make the cakes and wouldn't dream of commenting on it to her, but it is amaretti liqueor in the cake, there's no chance any other nut would be in there. Seemed ott to me, especially as she happily gives him packaged food with "may have been made in a factory which handles nuts" labels on.

OP posts:
borderslass · 01/12/2010 16:07

Thing with nut allergies is they can develop worse DD1 started with peanuts and is now allergic to all nuts, as a parent you cannot be to careful.

canyou · 01/12/2010 16:07

Is there a chance of cross contamination at factory level?
TBH I would avoid all products [including fats and oils]that may have trace of nuts or any chance of cross contamination if I was making something for a person with an allergy. It is easier then being sorry

altinkum · 01/12/2010 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 01/12/2010 16:08

I worked with a severely allergic kid. If someone ate a snickers and he came into the room 5 ins later he would go into anaphylactic shock. No exaggeration. Poor thing, it made normal life v. hard for him. So yes, YABU, she's just protecting her son, and depending on the severity of the allergy she may not be over-reacting.

Original poster
deaconblue · 01/12/2010 16:10

Ok sounds like I am being unreasonable to be ticked off. BUT to reiterate - he is NOT allergic to almonds, I wouldn't dream of taking anything he is allergic to anywhere near him, and the cakes were meant to be for adults only as they have booze in them.
I shall make lemon cup cakes :)

OP posts:
KaraStarbuckThrace · 01/12/2010 16:11

When you are talking about an allergy that is potentially life threatening, I don't think you can take chances, so yes sorry I think YABalittlebitU.

I had an ex-bf who was severely allergic to all nuts including almonds. We didn't take chances. I ate some chocolate containing hazelnut when he was out, he came back half an hour later and I kissed him, and his lips started swelling upShock Felt really awful about it :(

chipmonkey · 01/12/2010 16:11

Sorry but YABU. She's just being careful and you can't blame her.

LoudRowdyDuck · 01/12/2010 16:13

Depending on how old her son is, she may be finding it hard to teach him which nuts to avoid, so may not want to confuse him by saying that almonds are ok when others are not?

lowrib · 01/12/2010 16:15

It could kill him if one of her guests gets it wrong. She's not being OTT, she's being cautious.

FindingMyMojo · 01/12/2010 16:16

YABU - MUST you take almond cup cakes when there are 100's of equally yummy alternatives?

You might feel differently if your child had a life threatening allergy.

spikeycow · 01/12/2010 16:18

Do children with severe allergies get DA? Just because it seems such a major hassle. Are nut free foods more expensive? Is public transport a risk so they need to get cabs etc? Just a thought

BalloonSlayer · 01/12/2010 16:20

My DS1 is (supposedly - he has never had a reaction) allergic to peanuts, almonds and cashews.

Despite the lack of reaction, and the fact that he appears to be growing out of this allergy, I wouldn't want him to eat anything with any other nuts in if at all possible. I just think that when you have allergies to one thing, you are likely to develop them to others too.

My DS1's main allergies are to egg and nuts. I was told Kiwi is a "big one" where allergies are concerned and I have always been wary of him having it, for no real reason. It seems to me - if you are an allergic person, you need to watch it.

Your friend is being a bit OTT, but she has probably been told by the allergy specialist that it would be a good idea for her DS to avoid all nuts.

It would be a nice thing to do if you did what she asked, although you are probably not being U if you don't.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 01/12/2010 17:05

Well done to shoppingbagsundereyes for taking it on the chin that she's being a bit unreasonable about this, accepting the consensus, and deciding to make lemon cupcakes instead. You could spike those with limoncello, if you have any, OP. Or chocolate cupcakes with creme de menthe. Or any sort of fruitcake with the fruit soaked in brandy.....

And can I have a lemon cupcake please? Grin

nellyjane · 01/12/2010 17:14

I have a nut allergy but fortunately when I do accidentally eat a nut the reaction isn't usually too serious.

Most of my life I assumed I was allergic to almonds as my family had just always avoided all nuts. In my early 20s I found out (after accidentally eating something with them in) that I am not allergic to almonds and began eating them. The next time I had an allergic reaction to a peanut, the reaction was much more serious - really frightening.

I was told by the consultant I saw afterwards that although I'm not allergic to almonds, the proteins are similar, so eating almonds could have increased my sensitivity to the nuts I am allergic to and it's safer to avoid all nuts.

If her little boy already has a serious allergy, I don't blame her avoiding all nuts, whether he's technically allergic to them or not.

ilovehens · 01/12/2010 17:14

Just because he's not allergic to almonds doesn't mean that the almonds haven't been through the processing plant with other nuts, including peanuts. Different types of nut are usually processed together and therefore the risks of cross contamination are very high.

My ds1 is allergic to several different types of nut and I wouldn't allow him anything with amaretti in either.

Your friend is not being overboard either. If a highly allergic child comes into contact with the allergen, they are at risk of going into anaphylactic shock which can, and does, kill. My ds1 carries an adrenaline pen everywhere he goes due to this. If your child was in this position, you'd be extremely careful to avoid the trigger as well.

ilovehens · 01/12/2010 17:16

Please don't underestimate the stress that severe allergies cause. You feel that you're living with a timebomb and eating out or at other peoples houses is quite problematic.

GiddyPickle · 01/12/2010 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhyIsThatThen · 01/12/2010 17:22

YABVVU

It is quite likely that the child needs to avoid contact with all nuts as peanuts can contaminate other foods.
Anaphlaxis is a killer and any allergy must be treated with utmost respect. My daughter has anaphylaxis, to wheat, barley, some fruits and its scary. I would be horrified if one of my friends thought I was being unreasonable.

Just make something that everyone can safely enjoy and spare stress.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 01/12/2010 17:24

Nellyjane - that is a very interesting point about the almond proteins possibly making someone's sensitivity to another nut worse, even if they aren't allergic to almonds.

I'm a former nurse, and I didn't know that (though I would probably avoid all nuts with someone I knew was nut-allergic, just to be on the safe side).

EdnaPontellier · 01/12/2010 17:26

If it's amaretto you're flavouring them with, then some brands are made from apricot kernels rather than almonds - see this wiki link which says Disaronno state their amaretto is fine for people with nut allergies as it contains no nuts.

Don't know if that helps at all - your cakes may have other almondy content I guess!

GiddyPickle · 01/12/2010 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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