Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boss's Christmas Party - not children friendly

37 replies

bedubabe · 01/12/2010 05:47

OK. Long one to avoid AIBU by stealth.

My DH's boss's boss has shifted his Christmas Party (at his house) forward to this Friday night (was in about two weeks time). We found out on Sunday.

I have always assumed that they'd be perfectly happy for us to put our 14month old down to sleep in a spare room as this is what we've done with every other colleague's party. Party doesn't start until 6.30 which is DS's bedtime anyway and I do not anticipate us doing anything but getting there (with him already bathed and in PJs) and putting him straight to bed. He settles pretty easily in his travel cot.

My hubby was yesterday told the party is 'not children friendly'. I'm throwing a strop as we really should go (absence would be noted) but I object to having to go to the effort and cost of a babysitter at such short notice.

If it was just a friend we could just not go!

To be clear, I completely understand he might not be happy about having children running around during an adult party but DS would not be doing that (and if didn't sleep for any reason we'd take him straight home).

So AIBU or is it a case of 'his party, his rules' and I should button up and get a babysitter? Would everyone else always check that putting a young child to sleep upstairs was ok well in advance? I'd normally ask for courtesty (as DH did yesterday) but never expect a 'no'

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 01/12/2010 05:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpinePony · 01/12/2010 05:54

YABU. This is a work function, your child is not welcome at the office either.

Original poster
bedubabe · 01/12/2010 05:56

Oh to be clear - I'm not suggesting turning up with DS in tow if he has said no!

OP posts:
dilbertina · 01/12/2010 06:00

No, I wouldn't assume I could take a baby with me to a party. Unless we were going to close friends/ friends with children themselves in which case it would have been clear with invite that we were welcome to stay/ put baby down upstairs etc.

For someone I didn't know so well I would definitely ask if it was an issue well in advance, or more likely just think if I wanted to go I would need a babysitter.

Janitor - it is rubbish that he's changed date so late on but what is wrong with him hosting a work party at his house?

Jumpty · 01/12/2010 06:01

YABU. What if it was somewhere else? You wouldn't take your baby to a restaurant or club so why to someone's house who is not a very good friend?

ShanahansRevenge · 01/12/2010 06:03

I would never go to a work colleagues or boss's party and take my child...in my opinion it's something you do with very close family or friends. Work is work...whether the do is at the office, someone's home or a restaurant you cannot assume it's ok to take your child.

So YABU and need a sitter.

ShanahansRevenge · 01/12/2010 06:05

Are you British? I know that European's might think this is ok to do...

SonicMiddleAge · 01/12/2010 06:10

I think the issue is more the late change of date - makes it quite stressful to organise babysitter etc, in which case I think a little more flexibility should be extended by the boss. I'd also object to an "absence will be noted" implication with 5 days notice.

Bathsheba · 01/12/2010 06:12

Is it a work do, or is it at his house...??

I can see where the lines are blurred on this.

Its your DH's Boss's Boss - if it is a "work do" then send him himself to show face...what "problem" could work "note" with that....??

Original poster
bedubabe · 01/12/2010 06:18

I am British but have always been used to this being the norm here (sandy place). Now slightly worried everyone else has been thinking we're rude Blush although normally there would be a fair number of kids running around a similar party.

To be fair though the other colleagues are better friends and I hadn't really considered that angle.

Boss does have kids btw but maybe he's farming them out to friends for the night so they don't have to worry about noise levels etc.

Willing to accept IABU in the circumstances as I seem to be throuroughly out-voted! Now I just need to work out what we do as for various (non-financial) reasons will be extremely difficult to get a sitter. I don't think not going is really an option as getting towards promotion season and could count against hubby if both of us don't show our faces.

OP posts:
SuchProspects · 01/12/2010 06:20

Assuming you're in the UK I would not think taking a baby to sleep at the party was going to be acceptable. We're just not a child friendly country, especially when it comes to work situations. I think it's a shame but it would be unreasonable to anticipate otherwise here.

I do think the host changing a party employees are expected to attend at such late notice is very U. Could your DH go on his own or would that be frowned on too?

Original poster
bedubabe · 01/12/2010 06:23

It's a work do in that it will be mainly DH's colleagues there. There maybe some additional friends of boss (not sure that he has that many additional friends :)). It's not a formal networking thing or anything like that.

Probably could get away with me not attending (I'm 7 months pregnant so have excuse) but I'm very wary given upcoming promotion decision!

OP posts:
SuchProspects · 01/12/2010 06:24

x-post. If your used to the parties having kids running around then you were NU to anticipate it for this one. It seems very unfair the host didn't make expectations (and the date) clearer earlier.

Hope you find a sitter and it's a fabulous party though. Maybe they will pull out all the stops this time.

beijingaling · 01/12/2010 06:57

7 months pregnant is PERFECT. Make sure DH mentions to boss how you've got a sitter and you're both looking forward to the party.

Then wake up on the day with a tummy bug and phone in your apologies. Send DH on his own. Having you there really won't make a difference to a promotion especially if you make it clear how sorry you are you can't make it.

Tee2072 · 01/12/2010 06:57

Is it suddenly 1950 that your wife being or not being at a party affects promotion decisions? Shouldn't that decision be based on your husband's work ability, not his wife?

FFS. I'd not go just because of that.

But I'm an misanthrope at the best of times.

Original poster
bedubabe · 01/12/2010 07:01

It probably wouldn't but this is a guy who said to someone (during a work-telling off type one-on-one) "I'm not a religious person but sometimes in times like these you just need to think 'what would Jesus do?'" Grin

liking the food poisoning excuse. Slim possibility that our friends may already have a babysitter in which case we'll share otherwise will use that one!

OP posts:
Indaba · 01/12/2010 07:16

YABU

I'd just get a sitter and enjoy yourself.

Its once a year, no?

If it was me I'd be getting stressed pre-party thinking not only have I got to tidy the downstairs house, now someone who works for me wants to use the spare room and now I've got to clean that room too! Grin

pozzled · 01/12/2010 07:16

In your situation DH would go and we'd just explain that I was staying at home as we couldn't get a babysitter.

I think YAB a bit U to expect to be able to take your DS. But your DH's boss would be incredibly U to change the date of the party at short notice and then 'note the absence' of not only employees but their wives! I find it hard to believe that this could have any impact on promotion opportunities nowadays.

twilight3 · 01/12/2010 08:05

I think yabu to expect to take DS with you, but the bos is also BU that he throws a party where abscence would be noted... Such stupid office politics... I thought parties were for people to have fun

RockinRobinBird · 01/12/2010 08:08

I'm with Tee. What the hell kind of job does he have where attendance at the naffing christmas party is compulsory and affects promotion?

Serendippy · 01/12/2010 08:17

YABU to expect to take your child to a work party. But you probably already got that Smile

Vallhala · 01/12/2010 08:37

I'm with Tee and wouldn't dream of being the little wifey who tags along in the first place.

That aside, YABU, as you now know, to assume that an invitation to any party for adults (and especially a business one) includes your child too.

post · 01/12/2010 08:43

So if it's work, is he paid for it? or gets time off in lieu? otherwise that's pretty shit.

thenightsky · 01/12/2010 08:44

I agree with Tee as well.

BalloonSlayer · 01/12/2010 08:49

YABU. This is a work function, your child is not welcome at the office either.

Hmm

Errr... well neither is the OP so she doesn't need to go does she?