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AIBU?

Boss's Christmas Party - not children friendly

37 replies

bedubabe · 01/12/2010 05:47

OK. Long one to avoid AIBU by stealth.

My DH's boss's boss has shifted his Christmas Party (at his house) forward to this Friday night (was in about two weeks time). We found out on Sunday.

I have always assumed that they'd be perfectly happy for us to put our 14month old down to sleep in a spare room as this is what we've done with every other colleague's party. Party doesn't start until 6.30 which is DS's bedtime anyway and I do not anticipate us doing anything but getting there (with him already bathed and in PJs) and putting him straight to bed. He settles pretty easily in his travel cot.

My hubby was yesterday told the party is 'not children friendly'. I'm throwing a strop as we really should go (absence would be noted) but I object to having to go to the effort and cost of a babysitter at such short notice.

If it was just a friend we could just not go!

To be clear, I completely understand he might not be happy about having children running around during an adult party but DS would not be doing that (and if didn't sleep for any reason we'd take him straight home).

So AIBU or is it a case of 'his party, his rules' and I should button up and get a babysitter? Would everyone else always check that putting a young child to sleep upstairs was ok well in advance? I'd normally ask for courtesty (as DH did yesterday) but never expect a 'no'

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RunawayChristmasTree · 01/12/2010 11:21

YABVU

mayorquimby · 01/12/2010 11:15

YABU unfortunately. Perfectly reasonable to expect an adult party to be child free.
Might have been suggested before but is it necessary for you to go? Just if you don't want to shell out for a babysitter could your husband just drop by for about an hour or is it going to be a big enough party with food etc. that you'd both be expected to come and stay a reasonable amout of time.

bedubabe · 01/12/2010 11:11

Ok nesta, I'll stop overthinking things and just deal with it. Thanks for the advice everyone. Using a spare room is normal where I live btw but I have to respect his wishes on this one and do not want to be one of those sense of entitlement mummies :o

Meowy - I get what you're saying but that's a whole other can of worms that isn't really relevant to this thread but thanks for the advice.

OP posts:

MeowyChristmasEveryone · 01/12/2010 10:58

The nanny is your employee, the day of the party is her day off and you say you are hesitant about asking her to come to you earlier than normal in order to babysit. Fair enough.

But then you say you are also hesitant to get a babysitter for fear of offending the nanny - she's your employee, or at best she provides you a service. She doesn't get to choose whether she gets offered work or not, only whether to accept or not.

Why not call her, and just ask saying that there is no pressure if she doesn't want to or is already busy? As for the money, she gets paid the going rate for an evening's babysitting, no more no less, unless you are expecting more/less of her.

NestaFiesta · 01/12/2010 10:49

Oh for goodness sake. You're not entilted to take your baby everywhere regardless of the wishes or expectations of others. Get a babysitter and tell your live in maid you wanted her to enjoy her day off which is why she wasn't asked.

The short notice thing is a bit of a bind but maybe the boss's boss didn't realise you were planning to bring your baby and use his spare room! (which is a bit of an odd thing to do unless its family or very close friends TBH).

You've accepted you're being U, but stop overthinking things and just get a flipping babysitter.

MumNWLondon · 01/12/2010 10:47

I would get a babysitter, or your DH go on his own. Depends how much you want to go. If you don't want to pay for babysitter then your DH can go on his own. Your absence esp as the party is short notice is not going to be a problem.

TBH I think YABVU to expect it to be ok to take your DS (possibly ok if he was breastfed newborn).

bedubabe · 01/12/2010 10:40

I've accepted IABU. :o

Believe me I'm not normally the dutiful little wifey but this is the best chance for promotion in a while and I don't want him/us to get labeled 'non-team players'. Relatively easy to do as he's a teetotaler in quite a heavy drinking environment but that's another story.

We haven't actually ever left DS with a babysitter as we have a live-in maid/nanny. Friday is her day off and I'm loathe to ask her to come back early to cover for this party - partially because I don't think it's fair on her and partially because it raises interesting issues on what, if anything, she gets paid. If friends (who live in apartment next door) haven't arranged a babysitter I'll pull a sickie at the last minute. Can't really get our own babysitter without explaining to the nanny why she wasn't given the chance!

OP posts:

thegrudge · 01/12/2010 08:59

If its the sort of party where the host has sent his own dcs away then I can understand him not wanting other people to bring theirs. I think its reasonable for a party on a Friday night to be adults only but unreasonable for him to expect everyone to be able to get a babysitter.

Serendippy · 01/12/2010 08:59

BalloonSlayer I agree with you about the babysitting situation, but the AIBU was referring to the fact that the OP was expecting to take a child to an adult party at her DP's boss' house. And I think sheWBU.

She doesn't have to go to the party though, just call sickness on the day.

nancy10 · 01/12/2010 08:54

YABU! It's a Christmas Party! What if everyone in the office wanted to bring there babies along? You are 7 months pregnant, this may be your last chance to go out for a while once your new baby comes along. So find a baby sitter, glitz yourself up and go and have a good evening at the party.

BalloonSlayer · 01/12/2010 08:54

Some people just don't have many, or even any, babysitters.

We had none when the eldest two DC were tiny. Then we had one for about five years, who we could ask about once every three months. We now have TWO, including a lovely girl whom the DCs adore who is almost always free. Yay! But we have had her for the last year, and my eldest is 10.

If there is a social event and we can book a babysitter then that's great. If we can't then we just don't go.

I'd have thought the Boss would understand if they said they'd got a babysitter booked for the first date but she can't do the nearer date and it's too short notice to find another.

Serendippy · 01/12/2010 08:50

Pedantic, BalloonSlayer I'm sure she would be welcome at the office for an office Christmas party to which partners were invited

BalloonSlayer · 01/12/2010 08:49

YABU. This is a work function, your child is not welcome at the office either.

Errr... well neither is the OP so she doesn't need to go does she?

thenightsky · 01/12/2010 08:44

I agree with Tee as well.

post · 01/12/2010 08:43

So if it's work, is he paid for it? or gets time off in lieu? otherwise that's pretty shit.

Vallhala · 01/12/2010 08:37

I'm with Tee and wouldn't dream of being the little wifey who tags along in the first place.

That aside, YABU, as you now know, to assume that an invitation to any party for adults (and especially a business one) includes your child too.

Serendippy · 01/12/2010 08:17

YABU to expect to take your child to a work party. But you probably already got that

RockinRobinBird · 01/12/2010 08:08

I'm with Tee. What the hell kind of job does he have where attendance at the naffing christmas party is compulsory and affects promotion?

twilight3 · 01/12/2010 08:05

I think yabu to expect to take DS with you, but the bos is also BU that he throws a party where abscence would be noted... Such stupid office politics... I thought parties were for people to have fun

pozzled · 01/12/2010 07:16

In your situation DH would go and we'd just explain that I was staying at home as we couldn't get a babysitter.

I think YAB a bit U to expect to be able to take your DS. But your DH's boss would be incredibly U to change the date of the party at short notice and then 'note the absence' of not only employees but their wives! I find it hard to believe that this could have any impact on promotion opportunities nowadays.

Indaba · 01/12/2010 07:16

YABU

I'd just get a sitter and enjoy yourself.

Its once a year, no?

If it was me I'd be getting stressed pre-party thinking not only have I got to tidy the downstairs house, now someone who works for me wants to use the spare room and now I've got to clean that room too!

bedubabe · 01/12/2010 07:01

It probably wouldn't but this is a guy who said to someone (during a work-telling off type one-on-one) "I'm not a religious person but sometimes in times like these you just need to think 'what would Jesus do?'"

liking the food poisoning excuse. Slim possibility that our friends may already have a babysitter in which case we'll share otherwise will use that one!

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Tee2072 · 01/12/2010 06:57

Is it suddenly 1950 that your wife being or not being at a party affects promotion decisions? Shouldn't that decision be based on your husband's work ability, not his wife?

FFS. I'd not go just because of that.

But I'm an misanthrope at the best of times.

beijingaling · 01/12/2010 06:57

7 months pregnant is PERFECT. Make sure DH mentions to boss how you've got a sitter and you're both looking forward to the party.

Then wake up on the day with a tummy bug and phone in your apologies. Send DH on his own. Having you there really won't make a difference to a promotion especially if you make it clear how sorry you are you can't make it.

SuchProspects · 01/12/2010 06:24

x-post. If your used to the parties having kids running around then you were NU to anticipate it for this one. It seems very unfair the host didn't make expectations (and the date) clearer earlier.

Hope you find a sitter and it's a fabulous party though. Maybe they will pull out all the stops this time.

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