open bottle of spirit at a gathering - fair game?

[PavlovtheCat]

DH and I are having a dispute.

DS was one years old on sunday. We had some people around to celebrate, people with children, in the afternoon, on sunday 2:30pm onwards, tea and cake.

We brought some little stubby beers so as to have a toast - 20 beers, 12 adults, some driving, some non-drinkers, DH had none of them, I had one, happy for people to help themselves.

DH and I had one manhattan to have our own toast, before most of the people arrived, say around 3pm. This involved a shot of bourbon which was only opened for that purpose, and it was left, lid on, on the kitchen side. This was not offered, apart from to one close person.

About 2 hours later, i went into the kitchen to find one of the known drinkers (was there with his wife and newborn, so had no 'responsibility' so to speak) with a large glass of bourbon and ice. so when he was out of the room i moved it so as not to encourage further consumption from him/others.

DH said i had no place being prickly about it, it was an open bottle of booze on the side, fair game for takers. my view is this was a 1 year old baby's birthday party, in the afternoon, not a cocktail party where everyone was getting drunk, there was no open invitation to help yourselves, only beer was offered, along with tea/coffee as per invitation, and just because we had alcohol in the kitchen does not make it fair game.

Am I or is he being unreasonable in our views?

Err Begrudge

Why would you only have 20 bottles of beer anyway? Surely if you choose to have booze, you should have at least wine as well (if not spirits).

Agree with perfumedlife about these things, sorry!

I'm sure he would be mortified if he knew what you were saying. Total over reaction. Why does it matter? He didn't drink the whole bottle, turn up the stereo and start raving in the kitchen!

Don't let it cloud what should have been a lovely day for your family.

Thanks Pavlov for clarification ("was drunk with one guest only before everyone else arrived")

FWIW still see it from your perspective and agree with you.

Fairhaired - your sister sounds like a right bundle of joy!

Honestly, it sounds as random as the pom bears. Cream teas and cold beer in December, no wine or G&T or normal drinks on offer or fizz for the toast? I think you'd have been better offering tea or coffee with the food and not bothering to chuck in the case of stubbies.

He does sound rude for helping himself (would he open a bottle on a wine rack do you think ?) but I would get over it. Maybe he'll buy you a bottle for Christmas.

I think you need to remove the big stick from up your arse and relax OP.

Lol at the woman who drinks a Manhattan in the early afternoon getting all pious about other people drinking!

You should have either had a dry party or a decent amount of booze. 20 stubbies between 12 people, even with non drinkers, is pretty woeful! It probably gave the impression that it was a drinking party and therefore your friend thought it was a free for all. Ok so it was a little rude to not atleast check it was ok for him to have one, but I do think you are being v precious about it!

First of all, YABU and a bit of a drip. And thoroughly PFB to make martinis for your 'private toast' then not let anyone else - except one friend- drink from it. Good on 20 of your friends for turning up. Why should they bring a little something to help your stress? Why should this event be a big deal to anyone else? You had a child and your child turned one. Big fucking deal, party-wise; it didn't even need a party. But you had one, therefore already open alcohol was fair game, of course it was.

I'm just so grateful I wasn't invited to this party, it sounds awful.

Presumably in order to avail themselves of their allocated 1.67 beers which you had put in the fridge and then told them to help themselves to, people HAD to go into the kitchen? So you must have said something like "drinks are in the kitchen, help yourselves"?

Or did you REALLY say "Your 1.67 beers are in the fridge, please pass directly to shelf 2. Do not look at any other beverages you may encounter. Those of you who are pregnant may stop by the tap to get some water"

What a miserable party and what a controlling attitude. People can only drink what you have decreed, and that is ONE choice of drink only. You've even decided in advance how much they are allowed!

Wow. Mazeltov.

geez there is really no need to slag of my fucking party is there! i know AIBU is a bit fucking cruel and I take it on the chin that I am a bit mean with my spirits, but to slag off my entire party and suggest my closest friends had a fucking shit time? nice.

As it happens, the majority of my friends were completely aware this was a tea and cake party, as that is what they were invited to, it was a drop in event for people to come for half hour, one hour, two hours, as they pleased, they would be having lunch before, and their own dinner after, the food provide was a snack. They were there to see my son whom they are all very close to. So, when we said we had some beer if they wanted, some said yes please. And as far as I can tell they all had a bloody good time as none left before two hours, some stayed for the evening when the kids were in bed and we had a take away (which we paid for).

I asked about whether the bottle was fair game, not whether or not I host shit parties for my children.

this is Pavlovthecat btw.

YANBU.

Get some perspective though, it's one serving of JD, he didn't drink the bottle did he?

mistress only because I moved it

I think the thing people are struggling with is if it's ok for you to have a proper drink at a kid's birthday party, then why not your guests?

Personally, I wouldn't have taken it without asking, but if it was out on the side I would probably have assumed someone had brought it to take the edge off things smooth the party along.

Yes, he should have asked you if he could have some.

The burning question is, if he had asked what would you have said?