open bottle of spirit at a gathering - fair game?

[PavlovtheCat]

DH and I are having a dispute.

DS was one years old on sunday. We had some people around to celebrate, people with children, in the afternoon, on sunday 2:30pm onwards, tea and cake.

We brought some little stubby beers so as to have a toast - 20 beers, 12 adults, some driving, some non-drinkers, DH had none of them, I had one, happy for people to help themselves.

DH and I had one manhattan to have our own toast, before most of the people arrived, say around 3pm. This involved a shot of bourbon which was only opened for that purpose, and it was left, lid on, on the kitchen side. This was not offered, apart from to one close person.

About 2 hours later, i went into the kitchen to find one of the known drinkers (was there with his wife and newborn, so had no 'responsibility' so to speak) with a large glass of bourbon and ice. so when he was out of the room i moved it so as not to encourage further consumption from him/others.

DH said i had no place being prickly about it, it was an open bottle of booze on the side, fair game for takers. my view is this was a 1 year old baby's birthday party, in the afternoon, not a cocktail party where everyone was getting drunk, there was no open invitation to help yourselves, only beer was offered, along with tea/coffee as per invitation, and just because we had alcohol in the kitchen does not make it fair game.

Am I or is he being unreasonable in our views?

the difference is £7 or so for a box of cheap beer and £18 for a bottle of bourbon thats the difference! i am quite precious about my bourbon i can see that now , wine, beer, help yourself. not my Jack.

networkguy yes, very large, and with ice.

And I don't think he thought it fair game, as otherwise why had he not offered it to others as he poured it, there were others in the kitchen who love a good tipple. They didn't have any.

Ok then that is unreasonable. I think intent counts for a lot - if someone poured some if my lovely lemon vodka at a gathering, I'd be upset in a 'but it's miiine!' kind of way, but I wouldn't judge a friend fir helping themselves.

Hence I do hide it and our expensive whiskies when having gatherings. I do always stock up and am a mega generous hostess, but am also not very good at sharing

I think you sound like you have a naturally miserly nature. It's the way you counted out the 20 tiny little bottles of beer for the 12 guests. Twenty. One each and eight left over just in case... So precise.

I'd never be like that - for 12 guests, I'd have got beer, wine and champagne for the toasts - but then I'm overly people-pleasing and perpetually broke.

lol, it was a case of 20! plus there were pregnant women, drivers etc, so the maths were an unknown quantity!

although I did consider getting a little pot for the enormous tub of clotted cream, and dishing it out into it (but that was so it looked pretty) until DH said put the lot out!

beer, wine, champagne. now that would have been nice. If I could have afforded all that, he could have helped himself!

Actually, the impression I get is that you don't much like this particular man and you think he drinks too much, whereas if it had been one of your mates (presumably the bourbon theif is your H's mate) you wouldn't have been so bothered.

What is this (seems to be recent) thing where people think a 1 year olds birthday party cannot be endured without the crutch of alcohol?

Btw- I love drinking far too much wine myself but, I wouldn't expect booze to be almost as expected as birthday cake at a babies birthday tea party.
I don't feel good with loads of "tipsy" adults around young children & it sets a different tone.

A couple of beers or glasses of champagne, fine, but getting wired into whisky,non.

my mates would never have helped themselves! He is a friend of the family, we go back a long way, but he is a friend of DHs first and he annoys me yes because he always drinks all my booze

zondra exactly. And that is what I provided. a couple of beers for everyone.

If you don't want drinkies - don't offer it. We didn't at any of our kids 1st birthdays and had a blast. If you are happy for drinkies have more than 20 for 12 people - the guest may have thought drinkies was a given and went hunting for your cooking sherry after the little bottles were drunk up.

And beer for a toast? What's wrong with champers? Or is that too dated?

I would have avoided drinks for a child's birthday party during the middle of the day personally, especially as you say it was a tea and cake affair, and I would not have had a drink myself before hand, so the opportunity would not have been there for that man to take the mickey.

He was uncouth to help himself, and you are wasting your time fretting over it. When little things annoy you, it is much better to let it go and not let it eat away at you. Just learn a lesson for next time and put away things you do not want your guests to consume.
Wish I was there for your scones and clotted cream. Happy Birthday to your little one.

Sorry Pavlov but I actually think this is really stingy!

20 bottles of tiny beer for 12 adults. OK, so some pregnant women and some drivers, but that's hardly enough for those who did fancy a drink. Nobody is expecting free-flowing champagne at a 1 year old's party, but surely you could have put a couple of bottles of (cheap) wine out for those who would have liked a glass?

Not surprising your poor thirsty guest went hunting for something stronger/extra, I would have done the same thing in his shoes!

Just because you don't fancy a drink, this doesn't mean your guests won't, and if you are inviting a bunch of close friends over, then surely you can afford to offer some decent alcoholic drinks?

And why the obsession with tea & cakes only? Why can't people have a couple of drinks on a Sunday afternoon if they fancy it? It's a bit like going to a dinner party and only being offered booze and no soft drinks - if you are opening your home to guests, then you must provide a reasonable selection of stuff - soft, alcoholic, etc. To do otherwise is just really stingy in my view. But then... I do love my wine

Also, I think it's REALLY unreasonable that you were allowed something stronger (i.e. your shot of bourbon) to get you through the party, but your guests weren't! To be honest, you sound like a bit of a tight arse. Sorry!!

Come on - surely the budget would have stretched to a box of wine at least!

Maybe unusual, but I hate beer, lager and have no interest in many spirits, but enjoy cider, Southern Comfort, or Bailey's. Just speaking for myself, but if no suitable 'interesting' choice was included, I would accept a cup of tea (or coffee) gratefully and not play 'hunt for something I like' - that behaviour is rude whether you are a guest of a friend or relative, in my view.

Whether the host had something stronger or not (without me knowing) doesn't make them stingy, it is after all their party and their rules... beer or tea seems reasonable choice - if it was the evening and there were no children around, then it could have been a very different party.

He probably thought the JD was on offer because 20 stubby beers between 12 people is pretty tight?

Mind you, I always take my own wine to these kind of interminable dos because they are so dull and take up half my weekend and it takes the edge off them!

Your scones sound fab.

In your position I would be slightly irritated that the whiskey had been drunk, but accept that the person doing it had no ill intent and had simply seen an open bottle of something that he fancied. And next time I would put all booze not on offer in a cupboard.

I agree the food sounds fab, but you sound really stingy about the whiskey. But maybe money is tight?

If money is tight, then you should have put the whiskey away so no-one thought it was there to drink, because at a party, you would expect to drink booze out on the side.

FWIW, I would put out loads of drinks and wwould want people to help themselves and enjoy the party.

I think people have too many rules. If I was throwing any sort of party then there would be plenty of alcohol so that people who were without responsibilities could feel free to have a glass or two.

I think people have much less social occasions now so it's lovely to find yourself surprisingly unencumbered at a party and knowing you could have a few drinks.

Tbh it sounds like you judge people a little for drinking on a Sunday afternoon.

Lol at "poor thirsty guest" gherkins!! He could have had water!

Next year pavlov, just offer tea/coffee and juice.

OP you sound like an odd host. Whenever we have friends to our's or us to their's, it is an open house. Help yourselves. I can't imagine any other way. We always have plenty of drink in and wouldn't count bottles in and out! Although this is with people we've known for ages. Were your guests new acquaintences?

I would have been very pissed off that someone had been into my kitchen in the first place. It is the height of bad manners to help yourself to something that has not been offered. Did he rummage through your freezer to get the ice?

I'd have drunk your bourbon . I'd have asked first though

I hate beer and don't drink tea. Don't much like cakes either so if I saw an opened bottle in the kitchen then I would definitely have seen it as fair game. However I'd probably have scanned the stuff on offer and volunteered to drive

YABU - inhospitable, selfish & discriminatory (only XY&Z are permitted the hard stuff rest of you I will get offended if you want a drink - do help yourself to the teeny weeny beers???????).

If you didn't want to share it should have been out of sight & not drunk by anyone.

And I agree with those who say adults attending children's parties should be supplied with booze on tap.

I am surprised at how uptight some people are at the thought of a guest helping himself to a drink at a PARTY.

Scaryteacher, are your parties very formal?