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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cook spuds in goose fat for vegi BIL at xmas

314 replies

MeMudmagnet · 30/11/2010 11:30

I'd imagine most vegi's would think IABVU?

DH's family are with us for Christmas. They'll be 11 of us to cook for and BIL with obviously need something to replace the Turkey, no problem.
He'll also need separate gravy, hardly any bother.
I usually make a couple of stuffings and make sure one is meat free, again, no bother.
He also likes to have some vegi sausages to replace the pigs in blankets.

I like to do a good job with xmas dinner and I love doing the spuds in goose fat.
I ponder over this every time we have them for xmas. It's a PITA having to pretty much cook a separate vegi dinner alongside a traditional one, find space in the oven and get all the timings right.

Would it really hurt, for one day, if he was unknowingly more flexible?

The rest of the year when we see them, I just make something vegi for all of us, but this is xmas dinner and I like going to town a bit.

So;
a. Would he notice?
b. Would it be really, really bad?

OP posts:
Original poster
MeMudmagnet · 30/11/2010 14:53

jessiealbright - I LIKE goose fat potatoes and I'M cooking the dinner!!

OP posts:
Vallhala · 30/11/2010 14:56

I haven't read any more than the OP but I can tell you this - if you deliberately did this to me I think I would deck you, Christmas day or not.

By all means refuse to cook for me, by all means expect me to bring my own food, by all means expect me to eat only boiled veg - I'm cool with any of those.

But deliberately make me eat something made from a dead animal?

Nope, I've thought about it and still I can't think of a single reason why I shouldn't deck you.

onmyfeet · 30/11/2010 14:58

You have tons of time between npw and Christmas, why not make his dinner now, all of it, and freeze it. On CD you can thaw and heat it.

jessiealbright · 30/11/2010 14:58

Then there you are then! You goose-fat the potatoes, and you tell him you did.

You cook one way, and you tell who ever loses out, whether it be 10 or 1, what you will be doing, and get them to bring something to make up for it, if it'll be a problem.

jugglingjo · 30/11/2010 15:24

I went to a lunch the other day ( as a veggie )and was given salmon. As it happens I didn't mind, and do sometimes eat fish, but they didn't know that before-hand so I was a bit surprised !
A few years ago I went to my god-mother's for lunch and she'd cooked us a roast chicken !
I did decide to eat it with her after she'd gone to so much trouble ( first meat I'd eaten for several years ), but I'm sure there are many veggies who wouldn't !
BTW I became a veggie to join my strict veggie DH, and so we could all be a veggie family together !
There's no way my DH or DD would be making any compromises !
DD and DS even decline geletine sweets, marsh-mallows and jelly these days :)

mumeeee · 30/11/2010 15:49

YABVU He would probably noticem I know MIL would if we did this,

5DollarShake · 30/11/2010 17:00

Confused Jugglingjo if you eat fish and are prepared to eat chicken, then you're not a veggie. You're a pescatarian at best. Otherwise, you're just someone who eats a predominantly veggie diet.

And why would you be surprised at people feeding a veggie fish, given that you're prepared to eat fish? Confused Maybe all the veggies they've encountered have also been willing to eat fish!

This is why it's sometimes hard ti take vegetarians - en mass - seriously!

dearprudence · 30/11/2010 21:25

Agree with TheProvincialLady. I know longer care about the BiL and the goose fat potatoes.

All I can think about is the oddness of warmed up crisps on a chrismas dinner Grin

LookToWindward · 30/11/2010 21:31

Eleven pages about whether its a good idea to sneak a vegetarian food containing animal products? Blimey.

By all means refuse to cater for him if its a pain in the arse for you but let him know that and don't try to sneak food on him he would otherwise refuse; it isn't a very nice thing to do.

Hulababy · 30/11/2010 21:33

Don't do it and lie about it.

Cook them in goose fat and tell him beforehand.

Or can you not cook him his own few potatoes in normal oil, in a dish alongside?

You can't not tell him. So wrong.

I don't eat meat. I eat fish. I don;t eat meat because I can't actually stomach it. It isn't particulalry for ethical reasons. It just tastes odd to me and makes my stomach hurt afterwards. Not eaten since I was 13y. I would be annoyed not to be told as it could make me feel ill later.

I make a meat and nin meat meal several times a week, not just Christmas Day. It is not really that much hassle at all. YABU imo.

mummytowillow · 30/11/2010 21:33

Why would you do that, thats just cruel and unfair on him!

Get yourself off to M&S and buy some ready to roast ones he will never know there not yours! [win]

NotanOtter · 30/11/2010 21:34

yes you are being selfish narrow minded and dim wittingly unreasonable

jugglingjo · 30/11/2010 23:03

5 DollarShake,

There's a lot of diversity in the world, especially when it comes to people's diets !

That's no reason to "find it hard to take veggies seriously" or to generally treat people with respect.

I think it's quite appropriate for me to describe both myself and my family as "veggie"
or "vegetarian". Most people who observed our eating habits would say that's what we were.

Just because I may not fit neatly in to someone else's little conceptual boxes I don't feel I should really need to justify myself.

I've already said that my DH being a strict vegetarian has had a big influence on my eating habits. And that pretty much we tend to be a vegetarian family. ( I "admit" I'm occasionally tempted by fish when I go out with the girls, or at work... sorry to veggies for complicating the debate, I know some omnivores find diversity confusing, and like things simple ! )

I was surprised on both these occasions though, first to be offered a specially cooked piece of salmon ( after I'd been to lunch there a couple of times and only eaten the vegetables ) And when my god-mother cooked me a roast chicken for lunch, knowing we were a veggie family.

Perhaps she thought I'd enjoy it as DH not there, but in the circumstances I found it odd. Wouldn't you ?

One reason I ate the food offered is that, beyond other considerations, I am grateful to have it (and not go hungry)
I think it's important to be thankful in life.
Also I'm more of a pragmatist than an idealist these days Wink

lovereading · 01/12/2010 02:08

Yes you are being unreasonable. I would not think it unreasonable to buy and present him with a microwave ready veg meal, and if he wants to add to it from the table.

AnotherSingingMummy · 01/12/2010 02:32

I am with Vallhanna, except for the threats of vilence, and from a vegie!Shock

Sandinmyshoes · 01/12/2010 05:43

I would ask him... I used to be veggie but only went as far as not eating meat - you'd be surprised how many people just don't eat meat and don't read ingredients etc etc. I always ate roasties from around the meat.

When I've cooked a roast with alternative veggie stuff for friends I've just used a separate baking tin (a small cake-tin so doesn't take up too much room) and used spray on-oil over the potatoes (nb also good for people watching their weight!) so no extra hassle. If they were there when I was putting things in the oven I would just say - I assume you want your roasties done separately? Some say yes please, some didn't mind...

TeddyBare · 01/12/2010 08:55

YABVU. My MiL did something similar to this to me while I was pregnant and it made me very ill and I still haven't forgiven her. (mind you, she only admitted it to my dh when she thought she might have made me ill enough to cause a miscarriage and never actually told me or apologised). If you're not prepared to cook veggie ones then tell him they're cooked in goose fat at least.
Could you not ask BiL to bring christmas pudding or something to take some of the pressure off of you? If you can't / don't want to make a Christmas meal for everyone you invite, maybe you should suggest a restaurant or let someone else do it next year.

MumNWLondon · 01/12/2010 09:03

YABVVU however I would just stick a jacket potato in the oven for him no need to go to a huge extra effort for his potatoes.

TeddyBare · 01/12/2010 09:06

Lovereading Shock That would be incredibly rude. If you're making a lot of effort to cook, you're clearly showing your guests that it's important to you. If you then add on a microwave meal for one then you're showing them that you think they're an inconvenience. It's much more polite to either cook something everyone can eat or spread the effort around everyone, including people with dietary requirements different to your own. It's Christmas, it's not like he could easily refuse to go. I don't understand why you would go out of my way to invite someone to your house to make them feel unwelcome. If you can't host politely then don't do it at all - it's really rude and wholly unnecessary to put someone in a position where they have to choose between not spending Christmas with their family and not feeling welcome during the meal there.

TandB · 01/12/2010 09:27

I agree entirely with juggling and teddybare. The whole ethics of vegetarianism argument is a complete red herring. The point is that this guy has an absolute right to adopt any diet that he chooses. The OP has an absolute right to find it pointless and to refuse to cater for him.
The only decision for the OP to make is whether she wants to turn Christmas dinner into an exercise in making a point, or whether she wants to extend the same level of courtesy to all 11 of her guests, ie a meal that they can eat and enjoy, and the pleasure of feeling like a welcome guest.
There is no answer that will turn this into the BIL's fault which I think is what the OP would like.

DrSeuss · 01/12/2010 09:44

That really is just plain rude, OP. Think of something that you could never think of eating, something that would make you sick at the very thought of it. You want to feed that, or its equivalent to your BIL. Nice!

Morloth · 01/12/2010 09:52

YABU cooking goose fat potatoes.

They are rank.

bupcakesandcunting · 01/12/2010 10:02

Is this still running?

I thought it was agreed; OP was going to serve BIL goosey spuds and see whether he notices. Sounds fair enough to me.

Mum2HarryandBen · 01/12/2010 10:07

Can you let us know if he notices, OP?

tigitigi · 01/12/2010 11:12

Tempting - very tempting.

I would do them as normal but let him know - then he can choose. You are already going to enough trouble.

If you want to do something the whole family can eat grapeseed oil has a very high smoking point and makes very good roasties.

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