to think that most DIVORCE is not always the answer?

[heyhay]

I am new to MN and have found the forum to be very useful. I am a bit concerned though that it seems most women are being told to leave, divorce their partners if they misbehave? AIBU to think that this is too negative?

I'll ignore the subtext behind the OP but consider the question asked, and this post made me think

Happybubblebrain

"If a man is abusive in any way - leave him.

If a man is completely selfish - leave him.

If a man cheats/lies - leave him.

If a man is just annoying you - leave him."

I can agree with some of them, but if a man is abusive in any way - that's very subjective as we've discovered. It can be shouting, not shouting, sulking, etc.

I'm also not sure whether you should leave someone because they're "annoying you" - there would not be a marriage lasting longer than a year out there.

ccp, the OP started this thread, about a thread

nobody did that about her

so it's absolutely fair to "chase" her about it

and frankly, how you can still push the "divorce is pushed too easily on MN" line after reading some of the last few posts is totally beyond me

it has confirmed to me that I need to stick to my policy of just not engaging with certain posters, so reply to me if you like as I shall not respond, and don't give a shit whether you get the last word or not

because your words hold no value for me

< sends some reciprocal love back to grace, what a great mate you would be >

Domestic violence is one thing. It should never be tolerated and the only appropriate reaction, especially if there are children, is to leave.

I have seen threads on here, however, where the OP moans that her relationship is not entirely fulfilling and, not withstanding the fact that she has small children who would benefit from some stability and a husband who is not a bad father, she is told that she has a right to something better and should just leave.

A man behaving like this, however, is universally castigated.

What pointissima said.

pointissima, we weren't talking about something other than DV though, were we?

a bit insensitive (at the very least) to try and shift the focus of a thread just to make a point

I agree with RitaLynn and pointissima, and thought HappyBubbleBrain's statement "If a man is just annoying you - leave him."
to be immature and incredibly selfish when directed at a woman who has children with the man in question.

When I read the OP, my first thought was YANBU, because I've read so many threads (on aibu) where a man behaving like a fairly typical, insensitive and tactless 'bloke' is labelled as controlling and the woman told to leave him.

But then I read the thread the thread was about, and YABVU. Throwing a hard object at someone's head in front of their children is not misbehaviour, FFS, it's a violent act. I can see from your first post on the other thread that you did state that his behaviour was completely out of order, but then you did imply that she had provoked the violence in some way. To start another thread trying to garner support without defining what you consider to be 'misbehaviour' is quite outrageous, actually - you're trying to hoodwink people who haven't read the other thread into agreeing with you.

yes, PITV, and some people are daft enough to fall for it

But AnyFucker that's the point - the OP did not refer to DV in her post, you'd have to seek out the other thread (which I did) to find that out.

That was in response to your comment to pointissima btw

it's clearly what she meant though, and certainly the way the rest of the thread went it should be obvious

the thread she was referring to was signposted almost immediately

I don't think it was clear from the OP, but yes, it was clear from the rest of the thread. That doesn't preclude a discussion about the actual question posed in the OP though, does it? Even if we know the OP had very dubious motives is starting the thread, I don't think it's trying to shift the focus of the thread just to make a point, to address the question actually posed in the OP. Does that sentence actually make sense?

I can see that the thread has become understandably focused on DV, but pointissima was addressing the question posed in the OP, which would have been a valid one if the OP hadn't been trying to defend the indefensible.

Nope, that's not too clear either.

PITV, it is clear, and you have a point about the beginning of the thread.

It just makes me uncomfortable when posters share such intimate details on a thread, then someone comes along to say "well yes, X is all well and good, but what about Y ..." (when Y is something less earth-shattering)

that's all

people are free to post what they like, of course...a bit of sensitivity wouldn't go amiss though

Hope that's equally clear

:) AF :)

Yours was much clearer than mine, and I totally see your point AF

thanks peering, I have re-read the beginning of the thread and you deffo are right x