to think that most DIVORCE is not always the answer?

[heyhay]

I am new to MN and have found the forum to be very useful. I am a bit concerned though that it seems most women are being told to leave, divorce their partners if they misbehave? AIBU to think that this is too negative?

She never actually mentioned domestic violence though did she... I don't have a crusade against anyone. It's just kind of ridiculous when people think they are immediately the expert on someone else's relationship just from a few lines of text

Pamela...this thread was started in direct response to OP getting a hard time on another thread, where she appears to be rationalising violence against a woman

You are being constructive just like on the other thread where you seemed to imply a victim had in some way contributed to the domestic violence she had suffered. When people suggested you were not correct - you popped over here to start a thread about a thread.
YABVU

Yes 2 women a week die because of mens misbehaviour. Decades ago more died because there were no escape routes.
You twat OP

pamela i am not an expert on anyones relationship. i am however an expert on surviving abuse.

This is a thread about a thread. that thread being about domestic violance.

take a look on the relationships threads op.......its FULL of married women haveing been cheated on......a smart women will divorce herself from the disrespect,not stick around flogging a dead horse!!!

lifes too short

Seriously Heyhay, you're actually an abusive man looking for internet strangers to soothe your ego aren't you?

Just shut the fuck up please.

you are doing it again

you said yourself DV is black and white

so why are you now extrapolating about other forms of abuse ?

this thread is about DV, and obviously so

watch out, your agenda is showing

OK, apologies for not having an encyclopaedic knowledge of every thread going on MN

if you are referring to domestic violence then YABU

last post was to Pamela, btw

you don't need an encyclopaedic knowledge to realise that this was a thread about a thread

if you don't know the thread in question, best to not attempt to use it further another agenda, tbh

my agenda is showing?? You don't know anything about me! ridiculous

I hadn't seen the other thread

I think it is great to work at a marriage.

Sometimes, you have no choice your partner does not want to be with you anymore.

Sometimes, people made poor choices when they married and are not suited.

Sometimes, people row so much it is not healthy.

Sometimes, people are silly and immature and could work out their marriage and it is a shame really!

Sometimes, men throw heavy objects at their wives head (not for first time) infront of the children, during a childs birthday, because he is angry that he was late home and the wife feels she annoyed him!

The reason you were attacked on the other thread is that you seemed to think that the woman had asked for it by annoying him and you told her to wait until he calmed down and he may appologise and various stuff like that... I kind of felt sorry for you on that thread and you are not making it any better for yourself by starting this thread!

Invariably people post when they are at the end of their tether within their relationship or know something is wrong.

Invariably there are other bad things happening within the relationship that the OP hasn't yet mentioned.

Invariably there are "red flags" that people recognise and pick up on.

That is why people are quick to call a spade a spade and advise the OP to leave/seek outside assistance etc.

I haven't yet come across a thread that was unjustified in telling someone to leave their partner.

And I do wonder what vested interest do people have for not advising an OP to leave a marriage where they are unhappy?

No you are right divorce is not the only answer. You could stay instead. If you wind him up enough he may very well murder you. Your children will be fucked up for life and will most probably spend their trying to justify their resentment towards you, when they love you so much, but hey, at least you are not divorced

I think -

If a man is abusive in any way - leave him.

If a man is completely selfish - leave him.

If a man cheats/lies - leave him.

If a man is just annoying you - leave him.

I just don't understand why so many women put up with it.

Heyhay have you ever lived with DV?

happybubblebrain - agree with you entirely. Why put up with a crap relationship?

Dooin, I think heyhay has, and that is why I think she has the thought process that if you just behave and let him calm down he will appologise and it will be ok!

Butterfuly, because they saw their mother put up with it and think it is normal!

Heyhay, you are sounding like something out of a 1940's advice book for wives...put a ribbon in your hair for when he gets home, don't annoy hom by being cross...

Any woman has the right to be 'negative' without the fear of being assaulted by her husband...oh, sorry, I meant to type 'misbehave'