competetive mums

[loopylo]

It is that time in life when everone of our friends is having babies (7 this year). We have a 6 week old but one of the mums is really winding me up. She has read every book, has a view on everything to do with babies and is very happy to tell everyone why she wont be doing things the same way as you and why what you are doing is wrong. Her baby is now 'sleeping through the night' and she keeps banging on about it and how good their routine is. Whereas my baby, who is younger, is not. She makes me feel like a bad mother. Am I being oversensative, I would never tell people what to do or tell them they are doing something wrong - its their child and therefore up to them how they do this scary parenting thing. Rant over. I feel better already.

I had a NCT "friend" who used to call me at 10am and want to chat for hours when the babies were 4 wks old. I had had no sleep whatsoever and the first thing she would say was her baby was sleeping through. She was such a bore I lost contact soon after.

YANBU to be put out, I felt so sensitive about this stuff when my DD was a baby. There's nothing wrong with your baby not sleeping through at 6 weeks.

Your friend's baby may be sleeping through the night but oh my, these things can change. My DD slept through from 5 weeks. She is now 3 years old and hasnt slept through for over a year.

Have a friend whose DS is a month older than my now 6 mth old DD.Seems to have morped into Ubermammy...I just try to ignore the is --doing that yet? Really-you're doing that?
When I get to see people from the outside, I want news/gossip-not to be engaged in some sort of bizarre game of mammy oneupmanship!
Ignore her-they only get encouragement when you engage with them. Cuddles to the baby!

Just ignore her. How old is her baby? Everything is just a phase, even sleeping through Some people like to think it is because of their brilliant parenting that their child is the way they are.

YANBU

If her child is sleeping and yours is not, mark my words, there will be something that yours does beautifully and she will have a nightmare (be it eating, potty training, whatever). And as saffy says, it can all change at any moment anyway. That is the way of it.

YANBU Baby bores are the worst company. Keep reminding yourself of that. :) If all they've got to talk about is how long their baby sleeps or what they've read in some baby book then they've lost it. Change the subject to something a little more stimulating...

Yanbu

in my nct group I have the alert crying baby, for reflux reasons amongst other things, met up with them last week, all their babies on level mute on floor napping or gurgling, mine screaming blue murder and wanting to be held... The usual for me! Up pops supermummy "shall I take her see if I can calm her" - wtf does she thijk I'm doing! My dd has reflux, not a need for supermummy to step in! Just because she has a mute baby... Her day will come! Ignore them x

Was she competitive before or is this a new feature? Dd3 slept through at 9 weeks, ds slept through at 3 years. It seems to be something you have very little control over, if any at all.

She's probably either DEEPLY insecure and chatting any old rubbish in the hope that someone will affirm that she's doing things vaguely right or being held hostage by a rather obsessive personality that compels her to speak, think, read, dream of baby, baby and nothing but baby. Pity her! She will probably look back and blush.

I was a baby bore with DS1. I had managed to get through most of my Adult life without having anything to do with small people and felt completely unprepared for having a baby at the age of 36 , so I bought every book going and tried most things. Looking back I realise I rammed everything I thought I knew down the throats of anyone who would listen ,in truth I was so unsure of what I was doing and just needed a book to tell me. As anyone with a baby knows you eventually have to work out what's best for you and your child ( by the time DS1 was 6 months old most of the books had gone the way of the charity shop) and by the time DS2 came along I had gained the confidence to just trust my instinct and let him lead the way

lol, samey. (though hugely irritating, I'm sure).

She's not a real friend if she makes you feel like that, especially if she keeps telling you how her baby is sleeping through. I only had those kind of comments from my MIL, no friend would dream of saying it.

You know you are doing things the right way, its your baby not hers.

Try and change the subject with her, or if she won't make and excuse to end the conversation.

Sorry, samAy not samey!

i had a friend in my NCT group like this. I was the one with the howling baby with colic. Hers was wonderful, her life was wonderful and I was a snivelling wreck.

when we had Number 2 babies about 3 months apart, she confessed that after Number 1, she had suffered from severe PND, and had been envious of me (!) because I was able to admit that everything was a disaster, and had allowed myself to just go with the flow, whereas she felt she had to maintain the illusion of perfection.

Id like to think this was a comment on my overall psyche and laid back approach, but it may also have been a comment on my housekeeping skills at that time...

Everyone gets it some way. Her baby may sleep well but will have different issues. She may not put on weight well or might struggle with weaning or get ill a lot. I discovered that it is best to ignore!

"Just ignore her. How old is her baby? Everything is just a phase, even sleeping through grin Some people like to think it is because of their brilliant parenting that their child is the way they are."

Listen to these wise words. I've had three. Two good sleepers, one absolutely atrocious. Really, just nod an smile.

Or tell her your baby is just so clever, so engaged with the world, that it doesn't need much sleep.

Been lucky with both my boys RE sleeping, but ds 1 struggled with the old potty training, i had a friend who was like "well my child, is brilliant, she always uses the loo! no problems from 2" ds was dry by three, then i found out friends perfect child, still wore a nappy at night, and wet herself every day.

Things are not always as sweet as people make out. And its often the people who struggle, who go on about how well they are doing.

I had a friend like that some years ago

She did a class job of making me feel a failure, and to be fair my baby at the time was quite good.

Ive since had another baby since, glad she aint about now, she would make me feel awful, youngest DD, has been a nightmare since birth.I feel terrible typing that, she really is a little cracker, but seriously hard work.

Having 2 older DC, i made sure when youngest DD was born, i put her in rountine from day 1, baby, cuddle time, and bed, and have to say she is 18months now, and we have some rountine, but not down to the clock type, she really didnt respond to it.

What goes around comes around, she will have another in future, nothing saying she will have it that easy then. All babies are different.

I've come into contact with a few competitive mums over the years; most prominent is a woman I met at a baby group when DD1 was a few weeks old (it was organised by HVs).

Her DD was (apparently) sleeping through at 3 weeks, crawling at 4 months, walking at 7 months etc etc, and this woman wouldn't let us all forget it; "REALLY? Your DD isn't sleeping through yet", or she'd make out that the things her DD did annoyed her "Oh dear, we're walking now. I don't know why she can't just sit still like all your babies, but I suppose they're all easily pleased aren't they".

She was also competitive about the birth "REALLY? You had STITCHES? Yuck" and "I can't believe you felt the need for an epidural. Why?"

I agree with all the others, what goes around comes around. My DD is at secondary school with this woman's DD now and her DD is at times badly behaved and is nowhere near the a-grade student her mum wants her to be. I just tend to ignore mums like this, they're usually insecure. Just give them pitying looks when they start bleating on and then turn away and talk to someone more interesting

If a six week old is "sleeping through" he/she is either a freak of nature or being ignored by his/her parents. Nothing to be proud of!

Ladylobster, the uber-mum offering to try to settle your baby for you would really wind me up no end. I hate it when people try to interfere like that. I hope you told her a firm "No"

6 weeks and sleeping through? They should be waking up for feeds until they are 5kgs, when they can nutritionally sustain themselves through the night.

Maybe you should mention to her that her baby is not waking up when it is hungry and that could be a problem.....just something to fight back with.