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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have walked off and left my husband and daughter in town?

91 replies

muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:06

Was very cold today and snowy, struggled into town with two kids, slipping about and moaning. Had to get some shopping and it was very difficult as son refusing to go into pushchair, husband's back is weak so couldn't lift him. Daughter whining a lot. Husband did usual of saying 'don't be long','do we have to go in there' 'I'll just wait outside' etc when I was shopping (for essentials, new gloves,snowboots etc for kids) so I was rushing and having to cope with very clingy son who only wanted me. Suggested they went for a coffee while I looked for a new hat (had vouchers to spend in just one shop) and he refused as it loooked too busy and he wouldn't be able to lift son into highchair. He also said 'you'll be ages'. I just said 'oh do what you like then', took son and went to get hat and then got bus home. Husband fuming when he got back. V unhappy with me. Does no one else ever walk off in a huff these days or am I just vvv unreasonable?

OP posts:
nameymcnamechange · 27/11/2010 23:08

No, just immature.

cerealqueen · 27/11/2010 23:09

Depends....did you tell him you'd gone (ie text him) or leave him to wait somewhere?

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:09

That's what he said. I just couldn't cope and didn't have the strength to argue with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:10

No I didn't tell him. I just assumed he would know that I was going.

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 27/11/2010 23:10

oh, re-read, was it DP and DD you left or just DP???

SlartyBartFast · 27/11/2010 23:11

nightmare - was he worried where you had gone.

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:12

No he wasn't worried but I just thought 'oh do what you like' meant I am going off on my own. I left him with my daughter.

OP posts:
llareggub · 27/11/2010 23:12

Next time, leave them all at home and enjoy yourself on your own with the shops. Can't understand why you'd want to drag unwilling passengers around!

NormalityBites · 27/11/2010 23:12

Pretty unreasonable imo. How would you feel had the situation reversed? If you were fine doing the shopping with just your son then why did you not suggest your dh and dd go home?

Very odd and not something I'd dream of doing.

TheCrackFox · 27/11/2010 23:13

I wouldn't have gone off in a huff but then I haven't been shopping with DH for over 10 yrs. It is like take a huge toddler to the shops. No thank you.

DH stays home with the DCs whilst I shop in peace.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 27/11/2010 23:13

Yup yabu- I would be frantic if my dd and dh had gone missing. And I haaaate 'huffers'!

It is VERY annoying to have to go shopping with a moaner though, go on your own next time :)

MaudOHara · 27/11/2010 23:13

YWBU

indiechick · 27/11/2010 23:14

You walked away from your daughter also. How old are your children? You husband might understand, it's unlikely your daughter will. Please don't do this. My mother did this a lot, it's very upsetting and unsettling as a child for a parent to walk away.

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:14

I think my husband wants us to do things together but it has to be on his terms. It was bad, actually. I would be horrified ig he did that to me, or perhaps relieved, depending on the situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:16

Indiechick you are so right. And I am really sorry now.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 27/11/2010 23:17

I can understand his angst at wanting to get the shopping done, it does something to me that although I enjoy having a bit of a shop, it's like gritting your teeth kind of feeling, people getting in your way, trying not to spend all day there, endless hanging around waiting.

Pretty stressful, but then you had stuff to get...

You were both, understandably, BU.

Him for putting you under more stress than was needed, and you for walking off and not saying.

Now break the ice with him and try and put it behind you Smile

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:18

She's only 6. I think she just thought we had got lost. we met as we were getting the bus - she got on with me and DH walked home.

OP posts:
UnquietDad · 27/11/2010 23:18

You have to realise that Being Taken Shopping is for most men what being made to go and watch football is like for most women. I stereotype, perhaps, but only because it is borne out in truth by 95% of the people I know.

Seriously, this isn't anyone's fault or problem - it just needs better negotiation and organisation.

SlartyBartFast · 27/11/2010 23:18

did you all make up??

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:19

'Him for putting you under more stress than was needed' thanks Agent. That's what I said to him. I get it a lot when I don't need it.

OP posts:
Original poster
muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:20

We all kind of made up but I think he has lost respect for me and was being picky with me tonight.

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 27/11/2010 23:20

so your dh walked home, so wasnt it him in a huff?

cerealqueen · 27/11/2010 23:21

I imagine they were both worried and upset. Sounds like it was't the best thing you did and you know it so you can tell DP and DD so, and stop beating yourself up.

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:21

I really don't think my daughter realised what was going on. But I will not do this again.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 27/11/2010 23:22

It sounds like you talked about him doing that then?

When he's doing it, is it possible for you to say (with a twinkle in your eye) 'You're doing it again love' to diffuse the situation?

Has he acknowledged that he does it?