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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have walked off and left my husband and daughter in town?

91 replies

muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:06

Was very cold today and snowy, struggled into town with two kids, slipping about and moaning. Had to get some shopping and it was very difficult as son refusing to go into pushchair, husband's back is weak so couldn't lift him. Daughter whining a lot. Husband did usual of saying 'don't be long','do we have to go in there' 'I'll just wait outside' etc when I was shopping (for essentials, new gloves,snowboots etc for kids) so I was rushing and having to cope with very clingy son who only wanted me. Suggested they went for a coffee while I looked for a new hat (had vouchers to spend in just one shop) and he refused as it loooked too busy and he wouldn't be able to lift son into highchair. He also said 'you'll be ages'. I just said 'oh do what you like then', took son and went to get hat and then got bus home. Husband fuming when he got back. V unhappy with me. Does no one else ever walk off in a huff these days or am I just vvv unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:22

He had the pushchair laden down with bags so he thought he coudln't take a pushchair on the bus although I was shouting through the window 'just get on!' Ah, a day full of misunderstandings!!

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 27/11/2010 23:23

leave them all at home and you go shopping on your own.
far better.

although we are going shopping en familiy tomorrow, unfortunately sigh,
hoping dh will take one dd while i take the other

Original poster
muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:23

He has acknowledged it and he puts it down to tiredness. Always tired....

OP posts:
Original poster
muttimalzwei · 27/11/2010 23:24

Talking of which, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Nitex

OP posts:
empirestateofmind · 28/11/2010 03:31

UnquietDad- I totally agree.

I have been shopping with DH twice this year. Once for clothes for him, once for my birthday present.

The rest of the time I go by myself. Or with one DD or the other (teenagers). It works well for us.

Hope you have all made up OP.

Goblinchild · 28/11/2010 07:57

I don't take reluctant people shopping unless I have to, e.g. they have the feet I'm buying shoes for.
They don't get to complain about what I bought if they couldn't be bothered to come.
I used to leave child/ren and OH at home frequently.

piscesmoon · 28/11/2010 08:03

I would have left them all at home! I take DCs shopping only if I absolutely have to! If they needed shoes it is best just to do that and save the rest for another day on your own. (I always found one DC was better than two and it didn't matter which as long as it was only one).

Animation · 28/11/2010 08:19

That'll teach him - he might think twice next time before going all whingy whiney. He was as bad as the kids.

Petsville · 28/11/2010 08:25

UnquietDad, that implies that shopping for essentials is as optional as going to the football - not so. Lots of women hate it too, but grown-ups grit their teeth and acknowledge it has to be done.

Having said that, OP, YA a bit U, but you've acknowledged that now.

belgo · 28/11/2010 08:29

Agree with UD - why did you all go shopping together? Next time leave the children at home and go on your own.

woopsidaisy · 28/11/2010 08:29

I have to agree with some of the others OP. Why would you drag DH and DC around the shops? On a Saturday 3 weeks before Christmas?
Even when I go to Tesco I am constantly amazed at the amount of parents dragging crying,tired ,bored kids around. One parent shops,other stays at home or takes kids to park.
I occasionally take my DSs into town on a weekday morning if off on hols. But we go to look at the lights/ride the escalators have a bun.Maybe do one chore,like return an item or something.
My idea of hell is dragging DSs and DH around shops,and their idea of hell too!

belgo · 28/11/2010 08:30

Petsville - lots of women hate shopping but I'm sure they hate it even more with a whiney husband and children. Far better to get on with it on your own.

Petsville · 28/11/2010 08:37

Well, if it comes to that far better to do it online - I assumed from the OP that shoes had to be bought for the children, which can't be done without them, and if I had to take two children shopping (which I agree would be hell) I wouldn't expect my DH to stay at home and put his feet up because he hates shopping, I'd expect him to come along and be some use.

Goldenbear · 28/11/2010 09:40

YANBU in that he's a grown adult and you shouldn't have to placate his whinging aswell as the children's!

It is not always possible to go shopping on your own if the DP wants to spend time together and it is the only day off you have. My DP frequently works late and sometimes on a Sunday for a few hours and this will mean Saturday he will want to be with me so if that means 'the shops', he will be with me and my DS.

seeker · 28/11/2010 09:45

'Does no one else ever walk off in a huff these days"

Grown ups don't.

Goldenbear · 28/11/2010 09:48

by that reasoning seeker the DH shouldn't be huffing but he was- it sounds like in a persistently childish way!

Goblinchild · 28/11/2010 09:50

Grown ups do walk off if the alternative is a scrap with the children watching.
Time to cool down and let your higher level brain functions resurface.

piscesmoon · 28/11/2010 09:52

If you have got one huffer the other needs to rise above it and behave like an adult! I don't think it is a good example to DCs that you can just abandon situations when the going gets tough. OP must have known what it would be like before she set off! Never take reluctant men and DCs shopping, unless no alternative is my motto-and certainly not all together!

redskyatnight · 28/11/2010 09:52

Saturday at this time of year is a nightmare to be avoided unless absolutely necessary.

If nightmare is absolutely necessary, then a plan to get round shops in minimum time is necessary. Leaving more time to do more fun things together as a family.

I think a lot of us would get as frustrated as your DH in the situation you were in. Storming off helped nothing. More planning required next time.

diddl · 28/11/2010 09:56

Well looking at it, OP had to take the children as they needed to try things on & presumably thought that that would be easier done with two adults also.

Next time, OP-send your husband with the children!

I think YWBU to leave, but it´s bad enough trying to kit kids out without husband moaning like a toddler!

Gay40 · 28/11/2010 09:58

Rule number 1 of long term relationships: never shop together.
Rule number 2 of long term relationships: NEVER SHOP TOGETHER.

piscesmoon · 28/11/2010 09:59

If you absolutely have to do it on a Saturday at this time of year, keep it to a quick dash for the shoes and do the rest without them.

diddl · 28/11/2010 10:03

"I think a lot of us would get as frustrated as your DH in the situation you were in"

Yes, having to clothe & shoe your children -PITA!

Why shouldn´t he help with that?

His whining (imo) only made a bad situation worse.

Perhaps split up next time & deal with one child each?

Notreallymyname · 28/11/2010 10:04

God, he's a grown adult taking part in shopping for his own children.

Not a child that the OP needs to shop for, or who isn't grown up enough to look after his own children in town.

Why on earth should dad's be entirely excused from shopping for their own children's essentials? Single men and single dads manange to do the shopping they need to without whinging and whining about it; having a wife/partner shouldn't mean they suddenly loose the ability.

MsKalo · 28/11/2010 10:08

Give yourself a break. It wasn't a great thing to do as not a good way to be in front if the kids but you are only human and we all argue with our other halves! Clear the air with hubby and explain that if you are all going shopping it is not just down to you to do everything and you need support!