to get really fucking pissed off with men who say seeing a mother breastfeeding their baby in public makes them feel uncomfortable

[wintersnow]

but am sure they aren't lobbying their local newsagents to take down copies of nuts and FHM...

I bf-ed both my dcs for an extended period frequently in public when they were below 1 year. I still feel uncomfortable when an acquaintance or friend bfs her baby in her own home in my presence.

It is more I don't know how comfortable she is with me being there, than anything else.

I have no problems ignoring women who bf in public. But I am much more aware when it happens because I know the discreet motions women make. Others might not notice at all. I do feel uncomfortable if women bare more flesh than is discreet - it should always be a baggy jumper.

Ive only ever had comments form old ladies too (bf 4 dc). In fact Ive fed my youngest in front of 15 Firemen (DH is a firefighter) and the only comments were positive.
My DH actively encourages his mates to puch their DW to BF. As he puts it that ,eans she'll do the night feeds.
If someone is uncomfortable to cant do much about it but they dont have the right to make you feel uncomfortable.

"In all my days I never heard a bloke make any adverse comment about BF "

NOt being funny, BeenBeeta, but until you've breastfed in public yourself you can't really comment on what blokes do. How blokes behave with other blokes, and how they behave towards random women in public are two completely different things.

Not just that, but we live in a female-unfriendly society. It is more acceptable to bottle feed a baby in a posh restaurant than to breastfeed. I find "Civilization" obsence in this respect.

And Sakura just wins by a nose dismissing A male point of view, I had 2 to 1 and claim my prize. Good work.

eh?
So by your logic, someone who has no experience of BF is perfectly qualified to tell mothers that society has no problem with BF?
And that in fact, Oh, actually, it's women -just women- not society who have a problem with BF.

I'm afraid I strongly disagree

Meh, who cares if breastfeeding makes someone uncomfortable, they will get over it and can always put a shawl over their heads if they like, sounds like a great big pile of 'not my problem' if someone is embarrassed by me feeding the baby.

I agree with BeenBeta about observers being unsure how a woman feels about being watched.

I disagree with extrapolating this to be evidence of a female-unfriendly society just because bottle-feeding is seen as less discomforting than bf-ing in public. If a woman bared too much cleavage in public or wore a see-through blouse, there are sections of the public who would equally not know where to look.

Bf-ing may or may not bare as much flesh, but the observer would not know, not wanting to stare. It is perfectly valid to feel uncomfortable, male or female.

Note: this thread is about feeling uncomfortable, not about judging.

Agree with morloth that feeling uncomfortable about a person bf-ing in public is not a reason to stop the activity. The observer just has to get over it.

But the feeling is nonetheless understandable and a valid one to vocalise.

If a man is uncomftortable with a woman breastfeeding he should get over his psycho-sexual problems

All these men who feel uncomfortable about seeing breasts, I do hope they're heavily campaigning to put a stop to page three models in newspapers and lads mags and the like. I'm ever so concerned about their "comfort" or "discomfort"

i brestfed my babies in public.not all boobies showingjust a shawl ower my shoulder only 1 who saw my boobs was my baby.didnt do it all the time but when it was needed.

The only person who ever said they felt uncomfortable with my BFing was my dad. It was a real shame as it meant I hardly visited my parents while I was off on mat leave as I was't going to express and bottle feed, just because he felt awkward.

To be honest I get more pissed off by women in the media who say they stopped BF because they felt uncomfortable feeding in public, when they have posed in various mags in states of undress - that's real double standards!

Sakura, I suppose women who feel uncomfortable about others bf-ing in public (me included on occasions when too much flesh is bared) have to get over their 'psycho-sexual' problems as well.

Funny that, when I bf-ed my 2 dcs a total of 5 years.

yes, christmas, that is a double standard, BUt remember those women are posing for men's pleasure . Most likely the very same men who feel "uncomfortable" at the sight of a woman breastfeeding.

I would say that women who feel uncomfortable with other women breastfeeding their babies in public need to get a grip

Actually, the male members of my family who are uncomfortable with me bfing in front of them are absolutely not the sort who would enjoy leering over bare boobies in lads magazines. Quite the opposite in fact.

I think its actually because they feel uncomfortable with the fact they may see the breasts of someone they know and see regularly, but aren't intimate with. Like being uncomfortable about seeing Brenda from down the road in Readers' Wives. Crass analogy, I know.

This is totally opposite to the tits are for men attitude that I'm absolutely under no illusions exists.

MissMarjoribanks There are lots of men out there, on the net and in public, who make no secret of the fact that they believe breasts are for their fetishistic viewing pleasure only.

Yes, there are other men who might feel uncomfortable with seeing the breasts of someone they know intimately, which is a slightly different scenario. BUt it is still their problem, not the mother's IYSWIM

Sakura: 'But it is still their problem, not the mother's IYSWIM"

I would agree with this.

I don't understand your anger at someone who is just expressing a feeling though, with words like 'psycho-sexual problems' and 'get a grip'.

Over-reaction IMO. You are not doing your presumably feminist agenda any favours.

Yes, I agree it remains their problem.

The point I was trying to make, however, was that we can't tar all men with the same brush when it comes to their feelings on seeing someone bfing in front of them. It is dangerous and disrespectful to assume that it is because they are of one mind that breasts are for man and not for baby.

yes, I do feel a bit tetchy.

your post:

"And Sakura just wins by a nose dismissing A male point of view, I had 2 to 1 and claim my prize. Good work."

upset me, because you didn't/couldn't take into account some of the other upsetting things BeenBeeta has said lately. It's a problem from another thread. You're not supposed to drag up other threads, which is why I of course didn't mention it.

I just want you to know now that you are wrong in your above analysis. You implied that I was against BeenBeeta's opinion because he's a man, but that's not true. I am annoyed that someone who has never breastfed has the sense of entitlement to go on a BF thread and tell people there really is no problem.

"You are not doing your presumably feminist agenda any favours."

I also don't know what you mean by this, sorry.

Sakura, you have me confused with 'bluegrass'.

Of course a man can have an opinion on bf-ing. If you say they are not entitled, then don't expect to ever turn them round to your view of normalising bf-ing, in public or otherwise.

I don't believe there's a contradiction if you accept that men (or women) have every right to feel uncomfortable about anything they like, just no right to insist anyone else change a behaviour that is perfectly normal and legal, or to make THAT person feel uncomfortable.

Most of us are, after all, brought up to believe that breasts are a private part of the body - suddenly being pitched into a post-natal world where they are sometimes visible, and often being explicitly 'interated with', in fairly public situations. It can take a lot of immersion to get used to it, not just the occasional sight of a breastfeeding mum, and it's definitely more difficult if it's someone you know in a different context - I ended up in an NCT class with my boss, and that was odder for a while than feeding around near-strangers.

Sakura BeenBeta can comment (of course!) but from a different perspective. Of course he's not been on the receiving end of you 'you shouldn't do that in here', but it's good to know he's at least one bloke whose friends aren't saying 'I pretend to put up with it, but it's disgusting really' when the women aren't around.

sorry, you're not bluegrass!

I've never said a man can't have an opinion on BF as long as it's a positive one not full of bullshine

I was that BeenBeta said "In all my days I never heard a bloke make any adverse comment about BF and I think some people on the thread are being somewhat unfair "

When he has no idea what it's like to be a woman breastfeeding in public, or what kind of reactions they get, and more than one woman on this thread has said they've had negative reactions. He dismissed those, rather than take them on board. He then said it's women who've got a problem with BF not men. I would say that society has a problem with it, on the whole, but women less.

That is the only reason I replied to that post. Because he clearly wasn't taking on board what it's actually like to breastfeed.