to get really fucking pissed off with men who say seeing a mother breastfeeding their baby in public makes them feel uncomfortable

[wintersnow]

but am sure they aren't lobbying their local newsagents to take down copies of nuts and FHM...

I did see a woman walking round tesco with a child of about 2 sucking away at her nipple whilst he was sat in the trolley.......think she was scandinavian they are very open there arent they?....it wasnt in Scandinavia it was in Oldham .

I think they feel uncomfortable because they don't know where to look. If they look away they are being rude, if they look they are being pervy :-( They would rather it didn't happen so they don't have the dilemma of how to deal with it.

The only way forward is for it to happen more often so its not an unusual situation.

I remember getting into an argument with a friend of DH's before I'd even had children. He was saying that b/feeding should strictly be done behind closed doors.

When I countered with the 'it's perfectly natural' argument, he said, 'well, so is going to the toilet, but I do that behind closed doors'.

Quite what feeding and going to the loo have in common, I don't know... He didn't have an answer for that either, needless to say.

I BF DS on a long-haul plane ride recently, and I came back from the toilet to hear the two men sat either side of me making jokes about "bitty"

"I think they feel uncomfortable because they don't know where to look"

I feel uncomfortable and don't know where to look when I see men perving over breast porn at the newsagents, on a bus, on the tube...

PenelopeTitsDropped &LutyensLikesCake: I love your DH and Mum fab. .

Ha, I was having this argument with someone at uni the other day. He started off "Eurgh, I was at this restaurant once and someone just started breastfeeding, who wants to see that?" I jumped straight in with "Oh well I was in a newsagent's the other day and OMG there were boobs and scantily dressed women on LOADS of the magazines, it's disgusting, who wants to see that??"

He started to say "Well that's different..." until I interrupted and just said "Exactly. Of course it's different! Entirely my point." He didn't quite know what to say to that

Problem is I never quite know whether this particular person actually believes all the bullshit he comes out with or whether he's just saying them to wind people up...

"My poor brother isn't allowed to leave the room when I'm feeding...the poor bloke just sits red-faced and squirming, looking everywhere but in my direction."

Actually, I think that's really mean.

Everyone has the right to feel uncomfortable provided they're not making a fuss about it?

I'm all for feeding in public and making it normal but if someones uncomfortable and would rather leave? That's fine. Provided they're not wanting me to leave or hide away (although my bf-ing days are done and dusted!)

yanbu.

most of the men in my life have admitted to feeling uncomfortable before breastfeeding was 'normalised' for them by someone they knew bf'ing in their company.

Agree with SoupDragon - why does your mother drag your brother back and make him sit watching - no wonder the poor chap feels uncomfortable - very strange.

Very good point goodnight

When I was a very shy teenager, I was very uncomfortale around woman breastfeeding. This really affected my confidence feeding DC1 and I would always plan trips out after a feed and if I was caught out, go into a breastfeeding area (usually nappy changing rooms)
However my confidence grew slowly and was very excited when I had DC2 about not feeling ashamed feeding. Sadly he was allergic to my milk and I had to stop after 2 weeks.
Looking forward to a third child so I can enjoy feeding.

YANBU - this makes me really cross. Pathetic idiots should grow a pair!

Bravo Bertie! And Penelope's DH!

And OP, obviously YANBU. Poor darlings can't be made uncomfortable, oh no, much better hungry baby or mum sent off to the loos

TBH I was lucky enough never to come across this myself IRL. When I first BF'd at my ILs I discreetly took myself off round a corner of the room; FIL (buttoned up ex army type) appeared with cup of tea, entirely unembarrassed. Bless him.

I say their problem, not yours, try to ignore them and inwardly take the higher moral ground.
Sooner or later this normal activity will be considered normal and everyone will get over it.
They wouldn't feel uncomfortable if you were on a billboard stark naked!

Some male members of the family on both sides are uncomfortable with me breastfeeding in front of them. However, they have never said so and I have just surmised this from the fact they always leave the room when I do it. With the pretence that they are going to make a cup of tea, go to the loo, that sort of thing.

That's absolutely how it should be. They are dealing with their own feelings without inconveniencing me, or my baby.

My DH, on the other hand, is one of the most pro-bfing men you will meet. So much so, that when we went to John Lewis at the weekend and went to the changing area, he remarked on how good the facilities were. I pointed out the special breastfeeding area. His response - to get excited and go and have a nosy. I had to hiss at him that perhaps there might be a lady in there who wouldn't in fact want him poking his head round the corner and waving at her....

YABU if you are doing in full sight of everyone and not indiscreetly, have a little compassion for your fellow human beings, everyone is different.

SoupDragon, I think I exaggerated...he isn't being bullied into staying or anything. However, I admit my mum is a bit overbearing, and he's terrified of saying no to her in most circumstances...so this is just one of many situations where he does things just to stop mum having a go at him. I wouldn't mind either way, whether he stayed or left the room...no skin off my nose...it's not like I'm giving anyone an eyeful.

Ignore them, who cares? Its their problem if they are uncomfortable...

I never had any negative comments when bfing DD, I suppose I was quite lucky. Both families were really supportive, they asked at first if I would prefer them to leave the room but through consideration of my feelings rather than embarassment IYKWIM. And if people noticed in public they didn't say anything.

However, before I had DD I did feel a little awkward around bfing women, not knowing where to look and finding it hard to act 'naturally'. I fully respected their right to do it, and knew it was my problem, not theirs though.

I think it's a bit of a catch-22, until people get used to bfing by seeing it happen around them, they may feel a little awkward. OTOH, until women feel comfortable and accepted, they can be reluctant to feed in public, so others don't get used to it.

Sorry Ryoko,should we be hiding? Is it breastfeeding in particular that bothers you or are bottles ok? BF is the most natural thing in the world (doing it as I type), I tend to cover quite well as I am large of nork,but really don't get why people should be under pressure to hide away. We're feeding a child ffs,not fornicating on the table!

I posted this a while back,

I was in Starbucks a while back and there were a lot of nursing mothers in there.
Two young lads came in and stood getting their coffee As my mum and I were sat right by the counter we could overhear the lads.
One said to the other "there are more tits in here then play boy" and his mate said something along the lines of " don't be a perv them's feeding tits not wanking tits" made my day

I think the discomfiture being down to breasts as sexual objects is a red herring.

I think a lot of what makes people feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding and this is male and female is that it is a potent symbol of the maternal relationship - quiet, tender (well maybe not now with a two year old) oblivious to the outside world. It hits people hard, it's a poignant reminder of what some people may have not had when they were infants, or if female, not been able/wanted to do. This can really make some people unsettled.

I prefer your reasoning Otchayaniye. In fact your post has made me miss baby DD (asleep upstairs)...might go and have a look at her now.

haha. I'm always doing that!

In all my days I never heard a bloke make any adverse comment about BF and I think some people on the thread are being somewhat unfair (yes I know I am a bloke and would say that).

Just look at the contradictory comments on the thread. Some women here clearly feel uncomfortable at blokes looking at them when they BF ""not as offended as I am by you staring at my tits mate"". Other clearly are not bothered and think its odd when a bloke makes excuses and leaves the room.

Hence it as sherby DH explains it:

"He wants to be normal and have a conversation etc etc, but worries that she will think he is trying to look at her breasts, so he actively looks away, which is even more uncomfortable and 'fake' and it just goes round and round."

It is nothing to do with blokes thinking of breasts as sexual. Its just we know some women feel uncomfortable being looked at by a bloke when BF and others dont care so its a no win situation.

If anyone has a problem with it. I suggest it is perhaps women and my MIL is one.