to get really fucking pissed off with men who say seeing a mother breastfeeding their baby in public makes them feel uncomfortable

[wintersnow]

but am sure they aren't lobbying their local newsagents to take down copies of nuts and FHM...

I really don't think it's common for men to say this if you did this is something based on individuals rather than men. The ones that usually in my experience comment on women breast feeding in public is older women.

I think men who don't like it don't like it because it causes conflicting emotions. They grow up obsessed about breasts, see them purely in sexual terms then see a woman BF and think "I want to look, but I shouldn't look and I feel bad about looking. But hang on, they are breasts I want to look. And even if I'm not getting turned on, they are doing something which mine don't do which is interesting. But if I look I'm a pervert..." etc

They don't like the conflicting emotions so feel uncomfortable. That's my theory. And some are probably just weird.

Yanbu, although I've never experienced any negative comments or been stared at when I'm bf in public.

bluegrass with you on that. My brother once walked in the room while I was BFing DD1 stuttered something and shot out the door.

I asked him what was the matter and he said something like you said but me being his sister made it even worse.

Told him not to be stupid but thinking about it later could sort of see what he meant.

We went on holiday with friends of ours recently, and I was feeding DD on the couch while talking to my friend (the wife) about breastfeeding. She was saying she couldn't imagine feeding in front of someone, the husband walked in and sat down and agreed, saying it was something that was private, made him uncomfortable etc. I was completely covered, so there was nothing to see, but it made me a little uncomfortable...what was I supposed to do! I did say..."but X, when we lived together (the 3 of us lived together for a year or so) you bought FHM every month and Nuts every week (or however regular it is, can't remember)...and yet seeing a nork used for the purpose for which it was designed freaks you out?!" He wasn't sure what to say to that.

I will make an effort not to expose myself too much when out and about, but that is for me not everyone else. I personally don't want to expose too much nork because I'm not comfortable with it (and get cold this time of year!).

YANBU.
Squirt them in the eye.

YANBU. It's pathetic.

YANBU

Have never heard a man venture any opinion on breastfeeding and have exclusively breastfed 2 babies for about a year if you add it up. Actually the only negative comments I have had are from very grand old ladies.

old ladies are definitely the worst - don't think i ever really had any comments though freaked out the inlaws when they came to see the baby and I'd flip it out (discretely) anywhere, anytime. Can't blame man if they feel uncomfortable - as long as they don't say anything.

My brother suggested I went into another room when I said I needed to feed my 4 month old baby whilst visiting his house. I said "no problem I can feed her here"'to which he replied "it's just that I'm squeamish".

So I remembered my manners, I was in his house after all. I went into the other room where I was joined by my brother's girlfriend, similarly banished, to breastfeed their new born baby.

The irony that the walls of that room were covered in topless photos of my brother's girlfriend was apparently lost on her...

I just take it that it their problem. The more you do it, the more likely they will be to get used to it.

After all my struggles to get the hang of BF, I really don't care what anyone thinks anymore. Quite frankly, they can piss off, and I'll tell them so if they say anything negative to me. Can you tell I'm quite passionate on this subject?

Long term bf'er here but only time I have ever been at somebody bf in public, and did a double take was somebody managing to bf baby whilst walking around supermarket pushing trolley with other hand.

It was Christmas week and the place was packed - I was having trouble pushing the trolley around with 2 hands . Mind you - maybe that is the way to survive the xmas shop - there did seem to be a bit of a parting of the waves to let her through!

This is how DH explains it

He wants to be normal and have a conversation etc etc, but worries that she will think he is trying to look at her breasts, so he activly looks away, which is even more uncomfortable and 'fake' and it just goes round and round

BTW I have brestfed for years now (3 kids) and DHs mates don't even bat an eyelid anymore

Do you think we think people are worse than they really are wrt this? I bf everywhere and the only place it's weird is on the Northern line at rush hour and no-one's said anything it's just an odd place to do it IMO.

Old ladies generally breastfed though ..so I'm confused to why they would comment negatively

When DS was first born I would go in the bedroom (his mates were always round till they realized how disrupting kids are!) to breastfeed. After a week of spending most of my time in there my fella would warn visitors that if baby wanted a feed then I would breastfeed around them and if they didn't like it then go home! They didn't bat an eyelid as was so discreet. These are all 30 odd year old men without kids!
Never got tutted in public either but then can't remember if I did it in public! This time around I won't give a monkey's where it is!
I agree it's conflicting emotions for a lot of men...these sexual objects have another purpose!

I think most men nowadays are somewhat en- lightened re breastfeeding.

I had only two negative responses when I was BF my DD (11-12 yrs ago ) now. I fed freely and on demand Once in a restaurant when an aged man ascerted loudly that I should BF and set against me with his walking stick. No harm done.

2nd negative response. My FIL. He twigged by dessert that I wasn't just cuddling the child and started to protest (loudly). Screamed that I should go to the WC to feed.
FIL complained loudly that it was a challenge to "common decency and values".

We left the table because of his ranting.

We had a cheese board with coffee.

FIL left the table to go to the loo.

DH asked for an additional cheese board to be served in the Men's urinal for my FIL

" You think it acceptable for a baby to be fed in a WC. Please enjoy your cheese and crackers "

I was a teeny bit proud.

I think there needs to be a distinction between someone's right to feel uncomfortable and there right to make a fuss.

If someone remarked privately and quietly to the person the7y were with that X makes them uncomfortable - fine. That's their business. Could be nose studs, breastfeeding, a couple publicly kissing in a sexual way, breastfeeding, someone eating with mouth open, a particular hairstyle, a barefooter, or a pet dog with fur dyed pink.

The difference is if the person who feels uncomfortable makes a public statement and therefore tries to restrict someone else's freedom to do something legal, not dangerous and in some people's eyes, normal.

One person's freedom is often another person's discomfort - and vice versa.

I BF'ed both my DCs and I didn't have very much confidence.

We saw a lot of the ExInLaws at the time and ExMiL told me if I wanted to BF I would have to leave the room as ExBil found it offensive.

I did .

The first time my family came to see me in hospital after dd2 was born, my brother nearly died when I started feeding her. He shuffled backwards out of the curtains and disappeared. We only noticed a while later as we were engrossed with the new baby. My mum, bless her, hunted him down and dragged him back to the ward, saying it was ridiculous to be embarrassed by a natural thing. She believes that hiding away, or feeling like you have to hide to feed, reinforces the idea that bf isn't meant to be done in public. My poor brother isn't allowed to leave the room when I'm feeding...the poor bloke just sits red-faced and squirming, looking everywhere but in my direction. The fact that, once dd2 has latched on, nothing is visible doesn't seem to make a difference

Things don't change Mittz/Lutyens, until such time as they are perceived as "normal".

BF a child is normal. Other peoples' reaction may not be.

My view was that it was just me and my baby.

Nothing else mattered.

The only negative comments I ever got during the 15months i fed DS2 were from my mother who wanted to know when was going to be fed properly