To wonder why my friend has sent a present to DH?

[eurocommuter]

A friend came to visit and spent the weekend with us a few weeks ago. Dh has met her a few times but through me and we both never thought that they were friends. Dh has now received a package from her with a note thanking him for having her. She never mentioned that to me nor sent me a thank you for inviting her to my home. I think its odd actually I find it disrespectful.
AIBU?

at triggles.

Amyfucker
he found her unconfortable.
MainlyMaynie, I agree with that gesture. But she didn't bring anything when she came to visit.

I would have sent something for the children if i wanted to thank someone for their hospitality or something for the couple.

Sounds like something stupid I would do out of nerves.

which bit, ASLD ?

The book sending was done after the visit and obviously a lot of thought put into it.

The staring ? errm, well maybe. It must have been pretty extreme staring though for your host to tell you to stop doing it to you face.

My Dh might be a bit nonplussed, but he would say to me privately afterwards "was it me, or was that lady staring a lot ?"

Your husband was uncomfortable with her when she was staying in your house. He even went so far as to ask her to modify her behaviour. He disliked having her there so much that he's asked you not to invite her again.

Unless she is incredibly thick-skinned she will have picked up on the fact that he doesn't like her and didn't really want her in his house.

So the gift to him (to thank him for putting up with the imposition/in the hope that it will make him think better of her) isn't particularly weird, IMO.

Both TBH! I get really nervous, and would want to be liked and would be like me to buy an expensive present , esp. if I got a vibe from someone I wasn't liked/unwelcome etc.

What Professor said...

Well if your dh hadn't groped her bosoms so enthusiastically, she wouldn't have got the wrong idea.

sounds like a monster crush to be honest. One of my best friends had one on my DH when I was dating him and even went as far as telling him she'd have him if I dumped him (alcohol was heavily implicated in the incident)

It is odd and it is disrespectful but I am sure that it will blow over if neither of you respond. I wouldn't invite her back in a hurry.

Hullygully

Definitely odd behaviour, but if she's just got divorced she's probably a bit all over the place in terms of how to behave around men, particularly if she finds them attractive. Staring and sending a book suggests that she does quite like him, but it's clear you have nothing to worry about. I would certainly mention the book the next time you see her, just so she realises you're a 'package deal' so to speak. Even thank her for it. Anyway your husband is clearly a bit freaked out by her so no problems there!

Please can we have more detail on the staring and subsequent conversation? Like someone else said my dh would have asked me afterwards 'was she staring at you too?' or something. Was it all done in a jokey way?

Definitely odd behaviour, but if she's just got divorced she's probably a bit all over the place in terms of how to behave around men, particularly if she finds them attractive

WTF

Wish I could say something a bit more original but I agree with AF.

Your DH's behaviour sounds weird. Far more strange than sending a book to someone.

Seriously who tells a guest in their home to stop staring at them. Odd Odd Odd.

Eurocommutor - What you going to do next about the oddity of the staring lady??

staring lady smiley.

=

I don't think sending him the book in itself is strange, I'd just think she saw it and thought of him. It is a bit odd that she didn't write the letter to both of you and thank you both though.

Was she definitely staring at your dh? I sometimes find myself watching my sister and her dh or friends and theirs because it is just really nice to see how normal couples interact with each other It is embarrasing when I find myself doing it but there is nothing sinister about it, I'm just thinking 'awww how lovely'.

Another one who wants to know how the conversation about the staring went. I can't imagine staring extreme enough that my husband would do anything other than leave the room and ask me about it later.

She's your friend OP, is she weird in other ways too or is this stalkerish behaviour out of character for her?

I have spoken to her. I thanked her for the book and told her it was too generous.... she shouldn't have....what was it for. She said it was A thank you for letting her stay at 'YOUR' home. I jokingly said where was my pressie and why didn't she tell me she was sending it....she could have given it to me to take with me when i went back home. She said i didn't think i needed a pressie but could get me something if i wanted one. i said no disn't want one.... she didn't tell me because she wanted it to be a suprise.

I didn't want to make a big deal out of it so just just let it go. I will not be inviting her again.

Re the staring it happened twice over the weekend. The first time he just said to her if she wanted to say something to him. She said 'no, no, no' and and he said it was because she had been looking at him. The second time it happened he asked why she was staring at him, she just looked away and said 'nothing, nothing' and was a bit embarrased. She never said anything else about the matter. DH is quite frank without being malicious. Which embarasses me sometimes. So i didn't think anything of it at the time.

She does alienate people quite easily and i had sort of been supportive to her after her divorce. This trip was also because she was a bit down at the time. Out of all the people we used to hang around with I'm the only one who still keeps contact with her. Just because i think she was going through a rough time.

She was a bit annoying after a couple of days for me because she complained about a lot of things. She is not a shy person will speak her mind anytime. So there are many other reasons dh found her an uncomfortable guest. It was not just the staring.

Thank you all for your opinions.
I do not have a problem with her buying the gift for him. It is the not telling me that bothered me. If she had addressed the package to both of us i would have been ok. Or send a gift to the children for gs.
I will leave it alone. it's not a big deal but i wanted to ask people who didn't know her if she finding it inappropriate was reasonable.

Chipping in, what I meant was, if you've been through a divorce/breakup you are often going through a lot of difficult emotions and your behaviour can reflect that eg by taking a strong, inappropriate liking to a married man, which her staring and gift giving seems to indicate.

Speaking from personal experience, I fell for all kinds of totally inappropriate/unavailable men when I wasn't feeling that great about single life.

Maybe I should have qualified it by saying possibly instead of probably - no doubt some women can handle the sudden and perhaps unwelcome return to single life with total confidence but possibly she isn't one of them....

I think she sounds fab. Complaining and staring and sending inappropriate gifts.

I would ask outright too if someone was staring at me in my own home.

If dhs friend stared at me I would find it creepy.

Very bizarre behaviour.

Hully...you inviting her for Crimbo then ?

Is there any gift your DH would like, just so she knows in advance ?

perhaps he could write a list ?

I can't imagine she would complain at your hospitality though

Funny enough she mentioned she wanted to come back at easter

Euro...Hully says she loves having visitors, especially the odd ones...send her round there