pil refuse to discllose what they are buying my dc

[springchik]

When I ask they are very evasive mil even adopts a "none of your business" type of an attitude! THe thing is there is serious danger that my children could get duplicate presents if they dont discuss it with us. Infact at ds2s recent birthday it nearly happened. I took my mum to a toy shop and suggested various thomas toys (among other suggestions but he is Thomas mad). She bought a thomas play set "cranky the crane". Pil came round in the afternoon and ds got a very similar cranky the crane set! Also on the same trip I showed my mum a lego plane set and said ds1 has mentioned he wants that for christmas. Mil mentioned at the birthday get together (ds1 wasnt in room) that when she babysat last ds2 mentioned he wants the lego plane for christmas. I mentioned that I had mentioned it to my mum as an idea. However she refuses to confirm or deny if she is buying it. This sort of thing happens every christmas and birthday for my dc! So worried as its no secret what they like/want that they will get duplicates iyswim.

Will she not give any idea at all? If not, why not get your parents to have a back up present that they can take back just in case? Or can give if the smae if you are really concerned about it?

Yes there is freudian but my ds talks about what he wants to both dgp not just lego but toy story among others. My mum always asks for suggestions mil never does and on the odd occasions i've given them shes ignored it anyway. Also my mum and i often do present shopping together because we enjoy it no other reason really!

Exactly figgyrols that the issue and the same thing happened on ds2s recent birthday! I had g

oops dont know what happened there laptop developed a mind of its own lol! Think I explained earlier though

Hmm, this would irritate me actually. A pita that could be easily avoided.

A certain large toy shop are very hard work if returning without a receipt.

YEs Enormasnob totally agree with that statement. I won't go there anymore!

Can't you give your MIL's no. to your mum and get them to sort it out (or not) between themselves? And refuse to think or talk about it any more?

Ooh do you mean TRU?

Anyway I'm so lucky with my (small) family - my parents ask what they should get as a main present and then get other really random but usually fab little gifts too, my nan and grandma give a cheque... Ah, the simplicity :o

Whatever happened to presents simply being a surprise on the day?

I understand how you feel. MY ex's sister did the exact same thing last year when buying my sons christmas present. I was seriously pissed of because the way she was acting was like it was a surprise for me as well!

Will MIL answer if you say - Did you get the plane?
If so, pick whatever you think your mother would like to give and ask that question.

I do another BIG MN IABU. Because I use an Amazon wishlist for the children. If you buy from the wishlist I HAVE to know (so I can take it off). Otherwise buy whatever you want.

Problem with DS, He likes Harry Potter & Lego.
Hogwarts Express or Castle etc are way too expensive for everybody.
BUT the new HP Lego board game is perfect for everyone. It fits what he wants, what parents, sister, MIL, FIL & SMIL, BIL etc etc etc budget is. But no 9 yr old is going to be polite if they get 7 of the same.
(2 he can cope with, especially if I whisper later that we can swap one of them).

YABU-Have you really nothing else to worry about than whether there is a blip in the gift giving?
Because you could use it as a lesson in social skills for your children you know-just a thought..

I thought that present giving was supposed to be a surprise and that it is up to the present giver to tell or not tell!

YANBU

It is not about duplicate presents, but about the fact that your mother and MIL are playing piggy-in-the-middle and you are it.

Give your Mum your MIL's phone number and tell them to sort it out directly.

Tell MIL that you don't need to know, but your mum would like to ensure that she does not buy the same thing.

Strikes me that PILs are trying to be favourite GPs by pre-empting your parent's gifts.

I fail to see why you need to get involved in what other people are buying your DCs.

Are you, perchance, a control freak

YANBU
and I think some of the saintly people who just give their child a voucher for a goat somewhere or take their presents directly to The Poor People are being a bit mean.

Of course your PIL are being irritating and esp your mother for hassling you - second idea that she talks to ILs. Why can't people understand that op just wants a nice day for her dcs and both grannies to give something that is wanted. I'm sure when she said 'serious danger' that was a light hearted comment - can't people understand that?

"there is serious danger that my children could get duplicate presents "

ROFL at 'serious danger'

Why aren't they getting your parents' gifts til Boxing Day? Ours used to be "delivered by Father Christmas" so were all in the house on Christmas morning. My mum put her foot down early on to the inlaws (and her parents). It should be about the giving, not about feeling self satisfied with someone's reaction to the present you chose.

Your mum has a choice... give you the present for the children to open Christmas Day and you can make sure they open it first, or take the risk of buying the same as the inlaws. Alternatively give her your mother in laws number and remind her that giving Christmas presents is not about making her feel good!

Agree with Sandinmyshoes. Xmas presents should be delivered by father xmas for xmas morning. Mum should give you the present for her grandchild to open on xmas day. I don't get families that open presents on random days near xmas. They aren't xmas presents then, they're just presents.
Agree you should give mum MILs number.

I think YANBU for wanting to avoid the duplicate present. GPs look forward to seeing their GCs open their presents and it would be a shame for your mum if she knows DS opened the same one yesterday.

But it could easily be sorted if you just get your mum to call your MIL. Lots of PPs have made that suggestion but you have ignored it so far.

I know Ormirian
I just don't know that everyone understands the ENORMITY of the problem.

im with krldt.

why should springchiks parents have the joy of disappointed faces and wails of dismay because MIL was acting like a child?

my mil is like this too and it hacks me off no end. she does it because she thinks we will tell ds what she's bought, WTF!!!

I suspect that your MIL will not tell you because you have been a bit bossy or are demanding to know and she just thinks sod you I'm not going to tell you. I agree give your MIL an mother each others phone numbers and tell them to sort it out between them.
I also think it is ridiculous that grandparents don't get to see the childrens reactions because they have to had over the presents to the parents and as for "putting her foot down" over the giving of presents - thats just really unpleasant and not at all christmassy - not something to be proud of imo.

Give your Mum MIL's phone number and let her talk to her....

Problem solved.