pil refuse to discllose what they are buying my dc

[springchik]

When I ask they are very evasive mil even adopts a "none of your business" type of an attitude! THe thing is there is serious danger that my children could get duplicate presents if they dont discuss it with us. Infact at ds2s recent birthday it nearly happened. I took my mum to a toy shop and suggested various thomas toys (among other suggestions but he is Thomas mad). She bought a thomas play set "cranky the crane". Pil came round in the afternoon and ds got a very similar cranky the crane set! Also on the same trip I showed my mum a lego plane set and said ds1 has mentioned he wants that for christmas. Mil mentioned at the birthday get together (ds1 wasnt in room) that when she babysat last ds2 mentioned he wants the lego plane for christmas. I mentioned that I had mentioned it to my mum as an idea. However she refuses to confirm or deny if she is buying it. This sort of thing happens every christmas and birthday for my dc! So worried as its no secret what they like/want that they will get duplicates iyswim.

I am weird and didn't want to find out what dd was getting for her bday - BUT did want a ball park idea or dd would get ONLY Peppa Pig/ Thomas etc etc. But was told, and funnily enough am ridiculously excited by it! Not helpful I know and vvv annoying, surely all gp's want to make sure their present is the best! (Rather than getting the same thing!) Odd.

Rings me daily to ask if I've sorted it.Nags me constantly to ring mil and find out

Oh how boring. Tell them all you won't engage with the christmas palaver. It's supposed to be fun.

i love duplicates, toys are broken, lost pieces or when friend come over to play the yalways want the same toys.

my son got a train set off both me and his auntie, so i managed to make a massive track out of all the piece, one extremely happy boy

How about if your mother phones your mil and asks her directly???

if you've got 2 sons and one of them gets given duplicate presents then give the duplicate gift to the other son so they both have one each.

Simple

Good lord! What if they get duplicates? Is it your problem? Let it go!

Worst case scenario is nobody can decide who is the one to return/refund and you end up with 2. Sell on eBay, wait till the first one breaks, wait till child #2 comes along, give it as a gift to someone else, or simply just get over it and have one in one room and one in another. Or one at Grandparents house and one at yours. Etc.

It doesn't matter.

Well, they're as bad as each other. Tell your mum to get the plane. Tell your MIL that your mum is getting the plane and will be giving it first (that bit is a lie...).

Otherwise your DS is in serious danger of not getting the plane at all

My mum and MIL go Christmas shopping together.

Thing is because my parents are giving their presents on boxing day if they find out about a duplicate and lego is just an example it will really upset them and wont feel they can give it on boxing day. Thats why my mum is constantly telling me to ring mil etc.

LOL at AF.

As everyone I think has said - it doesnt really matter. And I quite like duplicates as means when other children come round there's plenty of similar stuff to play with.

Look you need to negotiate - MIL you can bring the beef and stuffing and in return you tell me what you're buying

:)

We do a list but ilaws ignore it but my mums sticks to it My mums the popular grannie for more reasons than that however so inlaws digging own grave IMO

Get yr mum to keep her receipts so you can change if need be. Ignore in laws. X

Your problem is not your MIL, it's your mother.

No I think the problem is definitely the MIL here. OP's mum could back off a bit, but if MIL would just stop being so childish and say what she's bought, there wouldn't be a problem.

Of course it's not the most disastrous thing in the world to get doubles, but if it can be avoided, and in this case it can be, why shouldn't OP want things to be straightforward?

pils are always like this over presents. If I or dh give suggestions they are ignored but this time ds gave suggestion so it was listened to as indeed it should be! But it was a "I want that" type of hint while watching tv with mil aparantly and 5 mins of watching tv with my dc and I am utterly snowed under with more than enough ideas lol

Sorry. The problem is the OP. IT DOESN"T MATTER IF PRESENTS ARE DUPLICATED!
And asking what people are giving is rude.

am with you springchik - I don't think anything that has been on milkshake has NOT been chosen, including and dd hates dolls!

I think PIL should stop being so ridiculous about it. Why should OP's mum have to see disappointed faces(s) simply because her presents were opened later. I cannot understand the reasoning to keep gifts a secret from parents. When my BIL found out what we had bought our niece for her birthday he actually told us we'd ruined it for her by letting him know. Odd behaviour in my opinion.

However, if it's any consolation op, we gave my PIL's and BIL a suggestion each as to get our DD for christmas (after they had asked us). They have both ignored this it seems, gone for something else and duplicated the gift themselves.

Is it really that likely that they'll get duplicates? There's an awful lot of toys in the world y'know :)

I'm not asking for me and I'm not worried about duplicates for myself.

Can't everyone see a bit of an issue though - on xmas day with pil's and dc's open up presents all excited as what they wanted. Boxing day with other set of gp's and disgarding present because they already have it.

At one birthday MIL was there when dd opening up a present from my parents and it was similar (not the same) as something my SIL was giving dd. She was most put out on behalf of her dd/sil that since then I am given more information than required!

oh the horror of kids getting things twice! If only there was some way you could take things back to shops and swap them for other things,,,,,,,,,

Parents do seem to want to control everyone as soon as they have DCs-it isn't possible. Just relax-have a surprise and a duplicate isn't the end of the world.Make sure they open your present first.

I agree with Zachary - the problem is that your mother keeps hassling you about it. You'll just have to tell her that PIL want to keep their present a surprise, but that if there are duplicates, it's not the end of the world and you'll deal with it if it happens. Some people like surprises, and some people like to have everything planned - just different approaches, not "right" and "wrong".