to want DH to actually phone my family this time after I give birth?

[CrazyPlateLady]

Pregnant with DC2. Last time I asked DH (before the birth) if he could phone my Dad and my nan (she brought me up so like my mum) before he phoned his mum. I knew that they would want the basic info, me and baby were fine and they would leave it at that and let him get on. MIL would keep him on.

Reason being, DH has a pay as you go mobile, he put enough credit on but I know MIL. She would have kept him on the phone until the credit was all gone and he wouldn't stop talking to her to tell her he had to make other phone calls. Example, we were on our way out to antenatal class one evening and she phoned when DH was at the car and I was just walking out of the door (and we were running a bit late). I grabbed the phone and it was MIL. I said we were on our way out but she said she really needed to speak to DH, I thought something was wrong so went and got him. The news was nothing that couldn't have waited then she kept trying to start a conversation about other things knowing we were trying to get out of the door. After several attempts, DH mananged to get her off the phone. I knew after having a baby it would be the same.

I had DS in the mid afternoon. DH couldn't go and do phonecalls for a while as I was waiting to go to theatre and he was looking after DS when I was down there. By the time he got to it, it was 5 hours after I had given birth.

DH went outside, phoned his mum first. She kept him on the phone and all his credit was used (he had no change left for a pay phone at this point and he had put quite a bit of credit on his mobile anyway).

He drove to my nans then phoned my dad from there to tell them the news.

I wasn't overly happy as I wanted my family to know as soon as possible and I knew they would worry.

My grandad later told me that he wasn't very happy (with DH, I have never told him grandad said this) it had been left so long for them to find anything out as they were really starting to worry. We had to take DS back after 5 days to have his jaundice checked and my dad texted me to ask him to let him know as soon as possible "not 5 hours later" so I knew he hadn't been that happy about not finding out for so long.

AIBU to ask that this time, DH can actually phone my family and let them know? They are far more involved with me and DS anyway. We don't see that much of MIL and she doesn't bother too much, whereas I am at my nans all the time and we are very close. If I am able, I will phone myself as we are allowed mobiles in the maternity unit but am I being completely U for wanting DH to make a couple of quick calls before he gets into an epic conversation with his mum?

It may be "wrong" but I always think the parents of the person who gave birth should know first.

Regardless of issues of credit, time of day, chit chat, etc, because the person who gave birth cannot necessarily make the call, the birth partner should do so on her behalf to whoever is her first choice, without delay, as soon as possible, no negotiation.

YANBU.

just take your mobile with you and text. everybody else seems to.

YANBU - as the mother of a daughter in labour I was so relieved when my son-in-law phoned me first to say baby had arrived, all was well with grandson and my daughter. Then I let him off the phone so he could phone his Mum etc.
Your parents will be worried about you AND baby so they get first priority IMHO.

Not saying his Mum won't worry about you too but I didn't realise how stressed MY mum and dad must have been whilst awaiting news until i was in that position myself IYSWIM.

YANBU IMO

Agree with Tattydevine. My DH called my Mum at stupid o'clock am (although his message relaying skills are a bit crap and told my Mum the weight was 2.34 - No that was the time he was born at)

He told his parents at a more respectable hour

PMSL at your DH telling your mum the time not the weight Mummychicken. I bet she was worried!

YANBU, when I had ds1 my DP text my dad to let him know I'd had the baby. Unfortunately he sent it to my dad's old number so my Dad never got it. My dad found out about his first gc being born from my nan ringing him to congratulate him.

I was furious with DP and devestated as a series of unfortunate incidents meant my dad didn't come to visit when i thought he would and I thought he was cross with me and so wasn't coming - I cried lots (hormones and all that). Caused me lots of stress I still haven't really forgiven DP over it, but made sure that my dad was the first person to find out when I had ds2.

Just realised I didn't mention that my DH was also very anxious - Dad's of daughters in labour get very worried too!!

Posted on your other thread, OP. YANBU.

She did think "I hope that is kilograms not pounds"

Why can't he call her last?

Mowiol yes my dad is very anxious when it comes to the health and wellbeing of his children.

DS had a febrile convulsion last year and we were taken to hospital by ambulance. It was an awful experience. When I told my dad about it (while we were at the hospital) I got a phone call soon after asking where I was, he was stood outside the ward pacing around! Came and waited with us while he paced about some more. I can just imagine him while I am in labour with no news of how we are!

roses2, OP has said why she would like her mum informed first. Am I right to assume you are the mother of boys?

Mowiol has nailed it for me. Parents of the mother have double the worry, so should take priority for the first phonecall.

Roses, no idea. He never answered that when I asked him to phone my family the first time. Just said that he wants his mum to know, even when I told him what would happen (and I was proved to be right). He doesn't talk much if I comment on anything to do with his family, its really infuriating, he just changes the subject.

Sorry, I mean your dad Crazy. And your nan of course. :)

Roses I thought you meant why can't DH call his mum last? Or did you mean my family?

I made sure DP phoned my folks first both times, because first and foremost they were worrying about me as their child. Totally reasonable IMO, in fact basic common sense.

No problem NEYTS (great name btw).

Lol, I have changed for the Christmas/Winter period. I am taintedpaint normally.

We have another grandchild coming next year and DH and I will be just as het up awaiting news. I understand how your Dad feels!!

Not ashamed to admit I cried (something I almost never do) with relief when we knew everything was fine with the first birth.

I just remember that I want to tell my mum myself - can't really remember how long after the birth it was (EMCS ) but it was something I wanted to do myself rather than DH do it - don't really know when/how he told his mother. All a long time ago now anyway ! Has your DH actually said he won't telephone your relatives first?

He hasn't said it, he just says that he wants to tell his mum and for some reason he just wouldn't do it after phoning my family. I am hoping that as it happened as I said it would last time, he may listen this time but I really don't think so as now he has a contract so he isn't going to run out of credit and he just said that there wasn't that long a gap between him telling his mum and driving to my nans as he went straight there from leaving the hospital and he had only just phoned his mum.

I really did wonder if I was asking too much but reading these replies has made me see that I am not. I know my family will be far more worried about me (especially with the difficult birth I had last time) and desperate for news. If I tell DH in the labour room that I will just bloody do it myself, that may make him do it. Its usually what it takes.

IMO it doesn't matter who is called first, because you should be having under-5-min conversations at that stage - girl, 7lbs 3 oz, everyone's fine, 5,33pm, gotta go and call X's mum now.

So it doesn't matter what order that is done in.

Does your DH not know where the 'hang up' button is on his phone? Easy to say 'bye mum, gotta go and call DW's mum as well, sure you understand she is anxious, ok love you mum bye' CLICK.

Tell him he will be ringing your Dad and Nan first, then he can ring his Mam.

Is your dh a bit of a mammys boy, can't figure out why he let her eat up his credit and have none left to ring your family. I'd be so mad if dh did that

Your going through labour and your family will be obviously very worried for you and baby. It won't kill your dh to have a quick word with them first and then they can relax after they know you and baby are safe.

Or if your up to it, you could give them a quick call and let them know all is ok.

When I had mine, I didn't care who was told first as everyone understood he couldn't stay long on the phone. So all the calls were quick. He was far more interested in meeting his kids for the first time to stay on the phone long anyway.

He isn't a mummys boy (he does still say he loves her which I find weird but then no one in my family has ever said that to each other).

As he was excited etc he just wants to talk to her, I think that was it. She can be quite pushy and just keep asking questions and DH won't just say "gotta go now, bye".

If she phones and we are out or don't get to the phone in time, she speed dials DHs mobile instead. Its never for anything but we will be out food shopping or something and she will be having an unimportant conversation that could have waited until we got home, he won't tell her to call later though but walk around having a conversation while we are in the middle of something.

Sometimes mobiles are not always a good thing.

Cees I was mad, DH still doesn't think it was a problem as he drove straight to my nans, then phoned my dad and thinks that made it ok.