to want DH to actually phone my family this time after I give birth?

[CrazyPlateLady]

Pregnant with DC2. Last time I asked DH (before the birth) if he could phone my Dad and my nan (she brought me up so like my mum) before he phoned his mum. I knew that they would want the basic info, me and baby were fine and they would leave it at that and let him get on. MIL would keep him on.

Reason being, DH has a pay as you go mobile, he put enough credit on but I know MIL. She would have kept him on the phone until the credit was all gone and he wouldn't stop talking to her to tell her he had to make other phone calls. Example, we were on our way out to antenatal class one evening and she phoned when DH was at the car and I was just walking out of the door (and we were running a bit late). I grabbed the phone and it was MIL. I said we were on our way out but she said she really needed to speak to DH, I thought something was wrong so went and got him. The news was nothing that couldn't have waited then she kept trying to start a conversation about other things knowing we were trying to get out of the door. After several attempts, DH mananged to get her off the phone. I knew after having a baby it would be the same.

I had DS in the mid afternoon. DH couldn't go and do phonecalls for a while as I was waiting to go to theatre and he was looking after DS when I was down there. By the time he got to it, it was 5 hours after I had given birth.

DH went outside, phoned his mum first. She kept him on the phone and all his credit was used (he had no change left for a pay phone at this point and he had put quite a bit of credit on his mobile anyway).

He drove to my nans then phoned my dad from there to tell them the news.

I wasn't overly happy as I wanted my family to know as soon as possible and I knew they would worry.

My grandad later told me that he wasn't very happy (with DH, I have never told him grandad said this) it had been left so long for them to find anything out as they were really starting to worry. We had to take DS back after 5 days to have his jaundice checked and my dad texted me to ask him to let him know as soon as possible "not 5 hours later" so I knew he hadn't been that happy about not finding out for so long.

AIBU to ask that this time, DH can actually phone my family and let them know? They are far more involved with me and DS anyway. We don't see that much of MIL and she doesn't bother too much, whereas I am at my nans all the time and we are very close. If I am able, I will phone myself as we are allowed mobiles in the maternity unit but am I being completely U for wanting DH to make a couple of quick calls before he gets into an epic conversation with his mum?

He sounds like he's still thinking of his Mum first and you second, which is not at all how it should be!

I would have been bloody furious with DH if he had tried that, but he didn't and wouldn't. He phoned my parents several times while I was in labour to keep them updated, and his got an occasional text and then a phonecall (second!) once I had had DS.

It does sound like that Ali you have a point but once we were talking about something (can't remember what) and he did tell me that I was more important than his mum. Really can't remember what that was about now.

For both of ours my ex waited until a reasonable time and then rang all the realtives from home. Both were born in middle of night and after I had been stitched etc he went home to bed and rang people when he woke in the morning. I never asked him who he rang first, it didn't seem important. This was before we both carried mobiles though.
I think using all his credit up on 1 gp was unreasonable and he should have cut his mum off and told her he'd lots of people to ring bye.

Crazy he really does sound a Mummy's boy - whatever you say - he needs to learn to put you first.

So all the people who have DS's you'll be ok when they have children to be behind his Dp,mil,fil in the pecking order?
And if he phones you he is a Mummy's boy?

Truck, it's not really about a pecking order is it? I have my DNephew, I am the only parent he has, and as such, one day, I will possibly have a DIL of sorts and I would fully expect her mum and dad to be told she had safely given birth first. Her parents would have double the worry, their DD and their DGC.

So yes, I would be quite happy to be phoned after her parents.

Well truckulent I have DS and if he is ever in the position I would expect him to put his partner's/wifes parent's first. It's their daughter who would be going through it after all.

That's the way my parent's viewed it with my brothers too.

I can see why he would want to phone his mother first-his mistake is not just to tell her and then say he must spread the news and he will speak later. I would accept the order but impress on him that he must do the rest.( I'm sure that if it was you then your family would be first.)

I've never asked my OH who he phoned first when we had our 1st child. We never told anybody I was in labour so they wouldn't worry about us.
After the other 4 children he called his parents first purely because they knew I was in labour because they were looking after our other children.
It never bothered me that he had called them first.

I'll be okay to be lower down in the pecking order if my son has children.

He wont be giving birth.

He will phone me as soon as he can/deems fit and I will trust his judgement. If he puts his DW/DP first, and her family, or her wishes, I will be as proud as proud can be.

But thank fuck I have a DD too!

YANBU with DD1 she had to be taken away for a couple of hours but was fine so we could make phonecalls. With DD2 I was taken to theatre for 3 hours, major PPH and it was touch and go. Could you imagine if my parents had been told 5 hours later!

After the birth my mum was around a lot as was my MIL. They ended up having a wee spat, nothing major, just tripping over each other. MIL was basically saying my mum was over a lot but my mum pointed out that she was their for me and I was her priority whereas MIL was only there for DD2.

This is the way any womans family would feel I would imagine so its only fair that they should be told first!

Yes Truck, I seriously would NOT expect my DS to ring me first if his wife/partner had a baby - I wouldn't expect to know if she was in labour either (referring to previous thread a couple of days ago).

The reason I think this DH is a 'Mummy's Boy' is not just about this but also the way he can't seem to end a telephone conversation with his mum - see crazy's comments at 21.03.

YANBU

Could you not get him to send a group text to all/both set of parents with the basics baby arived safely, both well weight etc and leave it at that?

I suppose I'm commenting after reading a number of negative Mil threads, as a lot of you will be mil's one day. ( I'll hopefully be a fil).
As the relationship between mother and daughter after her daughter has children seems a lot different than mother and son after her son has children.

Disclaimer-this is obviously not always the case. Just in my experience.

Truckulent - I am a fabulous MIL

YANBU- your parents should definitely be told first, as they will be worrying about you. I'm sure DH phoned my dad first.

but I have the opposite problem to you- although DH and his mum get on ok, neither of them really wants to talk for long to the other! If she phones the house and DH answers, he talks for a minute (if that) and then says, "hold on, I'll get jooly.." If she phones and I get it, she yatters to me for half an hour. I have offered to let her speak to DH before and she said not to bother! Mind you, I am hard-pressed to get a proper conversation out of DH on the phone!

It doesn't seem fair that your DH would use up all his credit on one grandparent- what on earth does he find to talk to his mother about for so long when his wife and new baby are there to be gazing upon?

Can't seem to leave this thread alone - surely the most important thing is for you, DH and baby to have time to bond together and then (like in the 'olden' days before mobiles, texting etc) DH could ring people when he gets home. I hate the idea of the first precious few moments being taken up with letting everyone else know, rather than enjoying your brand new baby - or am I being hopelessly old-fashioned (again).

I'm sure you all are, or going to be fabulous mil's. They just seem to get shut out a bit at times which seems a shame.

With both my DC we didn't tell anyone I was in labour until they had been safely popped out and we'd got ourselves back 'in order'. I couldn't bear the thought of anyone knowing what I was up to [prude emoticon!], and my mum's a complete fruit loop at the best of times anyway, she gets into such a huge flapping panic over the smallest of things, that would really put me off giving birth!

DH's family were fine with this and didn't expect anything more of us, but my mum was disappointed not to have known. I had to make excuses, she still thinks my first labour was only a couple of hours long, so of course I couldn't have found the time to make the call! When my second was born she called me every day for the last month of my pregnancy, sometimes twice a day "...anything happening yet?!". Just by chance my waters broke 15 mins after she got off the phone in the evening, DS was born early the next morning, and I was off the hook again!

I don't understand people liking to share this kind of information, maybe this makes me a cold and hard person.

When I had DS1 DH and I didn't tell anyone when I went into labour, so no-one was hovering over the phone for hours worrying about what was going on.

We just called them the next morning in our own time and it was a lovely surprise for them all. I can't remember who we called first.

Is that an option for you?

If not, then YANBU. It's not so much that your DH called his mother first, he needs to realize that a SHORT call is the only appropriate things as there are many more people waiting to hear the news.

Great minds BubsMaw - I felt just the same, though the in laws did know when Ds2 was on his way as they had to look after DS1!

We were incredibly lucky with the timing of DS's (DC2) birth, we had a home birth, and my labour started just as I put DD to bed, and DS popped out at around 6.30am (nobody remembered to look at the clock, we had to fudge his time of birth on the paperwork!), about 15 mins before DD woke up, to meet her new Dbro! It was such a sweet moment. We had plans, and back up plans of neighbours and friends who could look after DD if we needed it, but even this level of disclosure had me slightly anxious! Thinking of this I must have issues!!

The timing was just so perfect I think there must be more than just luck and coincidence involved. My labour started with waters breaking just as I sat down to relax after getting mum off the phone and DD off to bed. Subconscious 'Go for it!' vibes methinks.

I send a text to 5 people, each both parents and 3 of our siblings. Then they all called me back!!! Then they called the other relations who then called me. So they all paid for the calls!!!!