to want DH to actually phone my family this time after I give birth?

[CrazyPlateLady]

Pregnant with DC2. Last time I asked DH (before the birth) if he could phone my Dad and my nan (she brought me up so like my mum) before he phoned his mum. I knew that they would want the basic info, me and baby were fine and they would leave it at that and let him get on. MIL would keep him on.

Reason being, DH has a pay as you go mobile, he put enough credit on but I know MIL. She would have kept him on the phone until the credit was all gone and he wouldn't stop talking to her to tell her he had to make other phone calls. Example, we were on our way out to antenatal class one evening and she phoned when DH was at the car and I was just walking out of the door (and we were running a bit late). I grabbed the phone and it was MIL. I said we were on our way out but she said she really needed to speak to DH, I thought something was wrong so went and got him. The news was nothing that couldn't have waited then she kept trying to start a conversation about other things knowing we were trying to get out of the door. After several attempts, DH mananged to get her off the phone. I knew after having a baby it would be the same.

I had DS in the mid afternoon. DH couldn't go and do phonecalls for a while as I was waiting to go to theatre and he was looking after DS when I was down there. By the time he got to it, it was 5 hours after I had given birth.

DH went outside, phoned his mum first. She kept him on the phone and all his credit was used (he had no change left for a pay phone at this point and he had put quite a bit of credit on his mobile anyway).

He drove to my nans then phoned my dad from there to tell them the news.

I wasn't overly happy as I wanted my family to know as soon as possible and I knew they would worry.

My grandad later told me that he wasn't very happy (with DH, I have never told him grandad said this) it had been left so long for them to find anything out as they were really starting to worry. We had to take DS back after 5 days to have his jaundice checked and my dad texted me to ask him to let him know as soon as possible "not 5 hours later" so I knew he hadn't been that happy about not finding out for so long.

AIBU to ask that this time, DH can actually phone my family and let them know? They are far more involved with me and DS anyway. We don't see that much of MIL and she doesn't bother too much, whereas I am at my nans all the time and we are very close. If I am able, I will phone myself as we are allowed mobiles in the maternity unit but am I being completely U for wanting DH to make a couple of quick calls before he gets into an epic conversation with his mum?

We just sent a group text to everyone that said " born safely 12:37" because i had been unwell so people were worried. When we were settled a few hours later we called parents and my sister to give details. I thimk we called MIL first this time because she had the older children, but it would have been my dad with the older children because jphe had the bigger ones then.

When/ if my son has a child I hope he doesn't upset his future partner by not telling me he has to end a phone call!

I don't really want to let the 'important' people know by text. I would prefer they had a phonecall.

Also, DH didn't phone until he had to leave the maternity unit as visting was over. I would have been much less impressed if he had gone whilst he could have been with us and I don't think he would have done that anyway.

I also didn't know that DH had texted a few people to let them know I was in labour. I had an epidural and spent some time asleep (apparently, don't remember) and I think he texted them then, which is how they knew.

This time, they will know as my nan and grandad will be looking after DS and I don't want to keep my dad out of the picture if my nan knows so I will let him know. Can't see DH not texting his mum either, he will tell her then she'll probably ring everyone else like she usually does, even when we ask her not to. Maybe that will be enough for DH to make her wait until after. He really really wasn't happy that she phoned DH's sister to tell her I was pregnant when he specifically told her not to (I think he wanted to do it himself and we weren't telling everyone then anyway, he doesn't see much of his sister), and she has phoned the whole family to tell them the name was have chosen "but we don't know the middle name yet" (I haven't told her).

About the mummy's boy comments, does it really sound like that? I never really thought of it like that. He doesn't see that much of her, whereas I try and see my family as much as I can. And he gave her stick recently when he had already told her not to feel my tummy as I don't like it and the minute I walked in the room she started groping (literally) away. He really did tell her off (not that she listened and carried on anyway).

Yes it does sound as if he is a mummy´s boy as he is putting her above everyone, & can´t hang up on her when he discovers that her phone call isn´t important or when he has important phone calls to make to others.

On the whole it shouldn´t matter who knows about the baby first because it should be a quick phonecall to everyone.

I don't think that he is a mummy's boy-the woman would choose to phone her own mother first-why not the man?

if my dh was undergoing medical treatment, I would not phone my mum, I would phone his, with news.

Likewise, if the woman is going through labour and giving birth, her family will be anxious about their daughter, as well as the wellbeing of the new grandchild. This is why they should be told first.

Well in this case because it seems she has form for using up credit

heres an idea, why dont you ring your family rather than him?

Oh I don't know - we just each called our own parents both times. I will never forget the excitement of calling my mum from the hospital phone to tell her I'd had DD1 ! With DD2 we just called them in the evening once we'd come home. Surely they'll only be worried if they know you're in labour in the first place?

NordicPrincess, have you ever given birth?

I see no problem with him phoning his mum first. I think what the OP is saying is that if he phones his mum first, he does not have the ability to get off the phone, hence the 'mummy's boy' comments. If he was able to say 'baby here, all safe and sound, have to go' there would not be a problem. It is the fact that he spends ages on the phone to his mum and then has no credit left to call other people who may be worried. I can't remember who DH called or when but everyone got a call.

Also agree with QuintessentialShadows that the woman is the one going through the labour, it is her family who should be informed of her safety and wellbeing.

Could you just top up your phone with lots of credit before the birth, then in the event that MIL witters on and on he'll still be able to call others? Or just try to drop it into conversation with her beforehand "I recall it was such a busy time, it was really hard to find the opportunity, we didn't tell my family for fifteen hours...", or just hang up - "you're breaking up... pardon?... what was that? sorry can't hear a thing." Then on with the others.

I would actually want my parents to find out first, not DH's. This isn't because I think they're more important, but because they will be more worried about me than MIL will. I would think both sets of GPs2b are probably equally interested in the safe arrival of the baby, but my parents will have more 'skin in the game' in terms of me being at risk as well. Not that MIL wouldn't care if something happened to me, but it would be different.

D

NordicPrincess, a lot of hospitals dont allow phonecalls in the ward, and you can't always get up if you are catheterised, have been under epidural, or have just had major surgery. Doesn't leave a lot of choice.

Both times my parents didn´t know that I had gone into labour so there was no need for them to worry, so in that way it didn´t matter who was called first.

I had mine so long ago that a call phone was brought into the room for us to use.

CrazyPlateLady - can you not take in your own phone and you call your family and DH call his?

Or if you´re not up to it, at least your husband can call from your phone.

YAB a bit U. 5 hours after you have given birth is not that long.

YANBU -i'd have been seriously peeved.

Most maternity wards allow mobiles. He can always phone from the room with you if you're unwell. that way if he does phone her first you can do a helpful glare if it's taking too long.

I called mine after ds ironically couldn't get through to mine as they hadn't yet started taking the phone up to bed with them, but managed to get straight through to mil in Greece. :) as ds was born at 5.55 we couldn't get through to mine till nearer 9. was actually quite funny at the time. we didn't let them know when it started as didn't want them to worry even though my mother wanted to know, we didn't go to the unit till quite late.

Oh blimey, maybe I'm just abnormal!! I had DD on a Tuesday morning at 8am, stayed a few hours in hospital, came home that evening, called my mother at about 9pm, didn't get her so I left a message, she called me back at 9am the following morning. Clearly I had an easy labour, and I would have expected DH to call her if I'd had a rough time and had to stay in, but not necessarily until the evening.

"heres an idea, why dont you ring your family rather than him?"

I was hardly in any fit state to be doing any phoning myself, hence me not doing it.

As they do allow mobiles in maternity, I will get him to phone from there if I am not up to it, that way, like someone has said, I can glare if he spends too long speaking to his mum without calling my family first. Although I would probably still insist he calls them first. After my first labour I know my family are going to be worried (especially my nan, she thinks I should choose a c section, as I have the choice but I don't want one, I know she is going to be worrying like mad).

yabu, nobody needs to know that the birth has happened.

infact on our 1st i think it was approx 3 hours after we started phoning people it was more important to bond with the baby in those 1st precious first hours

I agree auntie - enjoy the moment (I hate mobiles!)

OP-do you have to tell your family when you go into labour?

If not, then surely that stops them having to worry, & takes away the issue of who is phoned first.

I agree with CPL about the calling yourself. I was in a birthing centre with my own room and they were relaxed about us calling from there, my DH made the call and I had a quick word with them but was in too much pain to do more than say hello really.

I think you do need to let him know he upset your family last time, and how worried it made them. Try a "think of it from their POV" tack - they were worried something had happened to you!

Given what happened last time, it ought to be a no brainer.

Don't they do top-up cards? Could you put an extra fiver's worth in your bag in case of emergencies?

They're only going to be worried though if they know she's in labour. If the pair don't tell anyone then no-one will fuss about what's happening for hours.
Not sure why the grandfather seems to be telling off the husband here, as no way would my parents have been ringing their parents at 3am. What is the rush?
I think apart from people doing childcare you should keep it quiet and phone at a reasonable time after the birth. It was probably about 5 hours after the birth of my first before anyone knew, due to husband staying to get us settled down then going home to sleep as knackered and still middle of the night.