to want DH to actually phone my family this time after I give birth?

[CrazyPlateLady]

Pregnant with DC2. Last time I asked DH (before the birth) if he could phone my Dad and my nan (she brought me up so like my mum) before he phoned his mum. I knew that they would want the basic info, me and baby were fine and they would leave it at that and let him get on. MIL would keep him on.

Reason being, DH has a pay as you go mobile, he put enough credit on but I know MIL. She would have kept him on the phone until the credit was all gone and he wouldn't stop talking to her to tell her he had to make other phone calls. Example, we were on our way out to antenatal class one evening and she phoned when DH was at the car and I was just walking out of the door (and we were running a bit late). I grabbed the phone and it was MIL. I said we were on our way out but she said she really needed to speak to DH, I thought something was wrong so went and got him. The news was nothing that couldn't have waited then she kept trying to start a conversation about other things knowing we were trying to get out of the door. After several attempts, DH mananged to get her off the phone. I knew after having a baby it would be the same.

I had DS in the mid afternoon. DH couldn't go and do phonecalls for a while as I was waiting to go to theatre and he was looking after DS when I was down there. By the time he got to it, it was 5 hours after I had given birth.

DH went outside, phoned his mum first. She kept him on the phone and all his credit was used (he had no change left for a pay phone at this point and he had put quite a bit of credit on his mobile anyway).

He drove to my nans then phoned my dad from there to tell them the news.

I wasn't overly happy as I wanted my family to know as soon as possible and I knew they would worry.

My grandad later told me that he wasn't very happy (with DH, I have never told him grandad said this) it had been left so long for them to find anything out as they were really starting to worry. We had to take DS back after 5 days to have his jaundice checked and my dad texted me to ask him to let him know as soon as possible "not 5 hours later" so I knew he hadn't been that happy about not finding out for so long.

AIBU to ask that this time, DH can actually phone my family and let them know? They are far more involved with me and DS anyway. We don't see that much of MIL and she doesn't bother too much, whereas I am at my nans all the time and we are very close. If I am able, I will phone myself as we are allowed mobiles in the maternity unit but am I being completely U for wanting DH to make a couple of quick calls before he gets into an epic conversation with his mum?

I'm amazed that people are coming out with "call them yourself" and "it doesn't matter if you dont tell them till that night" etc.

Sure, that may be possible and may well be an option but am I the only one that thinks that if the OP has just gone through labour and wants her husband to make a phonecall to her parents before making the other call, he can just bloody well do that one thing for her? He's just had a new son/daughter born to him that she's heaved out her fanjo, potentially tearing from clit to arsehole, sweltering and cursing, and he can't even do that for her?!? Who said romance was dead FFS?!?

No, I'm with you Tatty

I certianly enjoyed sitting in bed in the delievery room and phoning a couple of people to let them know I had had the baby etc

What I find is that wife has just had a baby, & husband chats to his mum for so long that all credit is used.

whoknowswhatthefutureholds - at last - someone who hates mobiles as much as me ! Hate the idea that everything has to be so 'instant' these days. (old fashioned emoticon).

Tatty were you at my birth? That is exactly what happened (don't remember cursing though, may have done), which is why I had to go to theatre (which was over 2 hours after the birth as the surgeon had to do an EMCS) and exactly why my family are so worried this time.

Just to clarify, DH didn't leave us and spend ages on the phone to his mum, it was after visiting hours had finished so he had to leave anyway. He wouldn't have left us to do what he did.

Also my nan and grandad will have to know I am in labour this time as they will be looking after DS, so it will be a bit obvious and if they know, then I know my dad will be hurt if he isn't told as well, which is fair enough and I have no problem with him knowing. He isn't going to be on the phone asking if baby has arrived yet.

I can ask DH not to text anyone else and wait until its finished (which is what I would prefer as I am positive MIL will phone everyone else to tell them) but I'm not sure he will listen tbh (unless it is the middle of the night). I asked him not to text his sister straight away when we found out the sex (we only see her once maybe twice a year, they aren't close) but he did it anyway and wouldn't listen.

Ivy yes in an ideal world, that is what I woud rather do, but given how it went last time, I'm not counting at all on being able to do that. I was a bit of a mess and I have no idea about the hours that followed the birth and waiting to go to theatre. I remember holding DS and giving him to DH as I was so exhausted and thats about it.

People saying don't tell them you're in labour so they don't expect a call saying you've had it, seem to be forgetting that for some families who are in regular contact, a couple about to have a baby disappearing and being out of contact for maybe 36 hours or more (at a time when it's unlikely they will suddenly have decided to take a last minute mini-break), is in itself a reason to come to the conclusion that something has started. I don't mean I speak to my Mum every single day, but I expect that around and approaching my due date, if she happens to call for something else, and can't get me, or DH, for more than a few days, then they will be assuming something has happened so will in any case be worrying a little bit. It's nice to be able to let people know everything is OK.

D

Good point Deliaskis.

I know my friends will know when I don't reply to any texts for a while. We text each other throughout the week and I am known for being one of the few who generally replies pretty quickly so if I don't they will know it has started.

believe me I didn't have an easy birth, not wanting you to think I wasn't completly knackered and having had to lie with my legs up whilst they waited for me to stop shaking, at this point they wanted to take me to theatre and I refused and told them to wait a while for me to calm down - but I did make a couple of phone calls as I wanted to tell my MIL after they had sorted me out

You just say to DH - ring my family first - you know what happened last time. How difficult can it be?

Ummm, because if he really doesn't want to, I can't make him. Thats why.

Of course I will be saying that anyway, but I was insistant last time and he still did it the way he wanted to do. I'm hoping the experience from last time will mean he will do it though, if I am unable.

I didn't tell anyone when I went into hospital but I was term plus twelve and being induced so my mum was already chomping t her fingernails and (god bless her) NOT rnging me six times a day!

I had my husband send a group text once everything was okay, with the specific instruction 'both going to sleep now, we'll ring later' so that everyone had the relevant info and could stop worrying but so that we could deal with the repetitive phone calls when all three of us were back on the planet.

I do think it's sad that he just does what he wants to, regardless of your wishes, regardless of the situation

Once you're back on the ward could you not have dh phone your dad from your bedside, so you get to listen to the convo too, your dad can speak to you himself and then dh can phone his mother? And then do a text to everyone else? If you have a vb or a cs this should work, and give you time before you come up to the ward in the labour room/recovery as a threesome.

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Well as he didnt phone until after he left you not sure what the problem is.
He got to your family asap.

Get him to phone from the delivery room this time.

Sorry about no punctuation but it seems to be the only way that I can post.

Sorry, OP, but your bloke sounds like a bit of a mummy's boy to me. And YOU are the mummy he should be prioritising! After all we go through giving birth, and all we tolerate afterwards, your wishes should be given priority. You're right, you can't make him (and sounds like you don't entirely trust him) but it will cause an almighty stink if he doesn't.

Love what Tatty says, I'm with her.

Your parents will be more concerned and need to know post haste. Sounds like he's more worried about what his mum will say than anything else.

My niece was desperate to be the first to know (my family all live in another country). So it was agreed I would text her (actually my birth partner did) and she would have the responsibility of letting my NZ family & friends know the basics (I gave her a list of people, numbers etc). It worked really well, Mum was happy with that and a 15 year old got a huge sense of responsibility and did her job really well so everyone was happy.

Take your own phone with you anyway - chances are that after this birth you will be fine. I remember phoning my mum after my 4th and wished I had done it myself before! It was lovely to tell them myself since I had done all the hard work. Was on the phone less than an hour after the birth (pre mobile days - pay phone was wheeled in)smile

I also don't see why your dh can't just do what he is asked.

But I also think that no one with sense would think there was any real connection between how important you are to the person giving birth and the order in which you are told the news.

My daughter's mil tries to take over every situation. My daughter finds this stressful and I'm not going to add to her stress by cutting up rough myself (do people still use this expression btw?).
Mil was told first when my granddaughter was born, mainly because she rang by coincidence. I can't even remember now how I found this out, but I do remember that all I thought was "typical- trust her the old bat" and shrugged to myself.
It isn't a competition- I know my daughter prefers my company to her mil.

see I think the whole "worrying about them being in laboru thing" can be totally avoided by just not telling anyone in the first place that you've gone into labour

That's what we did with DS3 and it was SO much easier

"It isn't a competition- I know my daughter prefers my company to her mil."- that sounds like it's not a competition because I know I've won!!
What I actually mean is, in life it is much easier to make people go off you that it is to make them like you.

My daughter loves me - I help by not inflaming situations with her mil, when daughter gets herself in a pickle and feels all torn between pressures from her inlaws and her own children and her dh.
It's like who's first to see the baby. Mil loves to be first, but I'm the one who has most daily interaction for the rest of the time. I don't see that the first hour that mil gets outweighs that!

PS- I actually admire my daughter for being nice to her mil. Personally, my 40th birthday present to myself (MANY years ago now!) was to tell my own mil to f.off and I didn't see her after that ever!

YANBU.... dp rang my parents first all three times, for the second two my mother was with my older children so he called her first and then my dad... those phone calls didn't take long and were more important as they knew i was in labour and would have worried. He then rang his parents who predictably used up all his credit just like your MIL.

He wouldn't even have had to be told, it was my parents only child who was giving birth and as they knew i was in labour they were obviously worried and anxious for news... his family didn't even know was in labour so weren't waiting by the phone on tenterhooks any more so than family generally is towards the end of a pregnancy so there was less urgancy