to not be scared of giving birth but be freaked out...

[OnlyWantsOne]

...by the 6 weeks that follow?

I remember sitting on the loo when DD was about 5 weeks old, she was screaming to be fed, i hurt all over, feeling disgusting and hating my ruined body oozing everywhere with sore bits and being pretty fed up TBH.

So, im 39 weeks, and I have started to dread the next bit... people keep phoning me (WHY do they think that it's ok to do this??) and asking if Ive had the baby yet... and Im dreading going for a wee and it making me cry.

Or that first poo.

Oh... heck

Just coming out of the dreaded 6 weeks with DC number 2 and I had exactly the same fears of you. Clearly it is not a rule that the second (or third.....) baby is easier to deal with but to concur with most of the posts here:

Immeadiate post natel was SO much better (no epidural this time) as I was up and about as soon as I had been stitched up.

I didn't realise that a 2nd degree tear hurts far less when healing than an episiotomy and the pain fades faster.

Generally, your body feels more able to cope with the trauma of labour second time round so pooing etc for me was (slightly) easier!

Ok, at times it is hellish dealing with a newborn and a toddler (in my case) but you are so much more relaxed, confident with the newborn that you feel like a pro/uber mothering type.

You don't have the awful hit by a truck feeling of becoming a mother for the first time, so while you may have moments of dispair and utter terror at what you have done (or maybe that was just me!) it didn't feel as all consuming as when I had my first as you know the ropes.....

Hope it all goes well for you and stock up on those prunes (worked for me....)

I couldn't reach mine either tb!

saw my MW earlier as she popped on for a cuppa, she assures me that 2nd time round its much easier!!

and that 6 weeks pn after second DC doesnt have to be dreaded

ooo

any one want to construct a shopping list for me?

Perhaps the horrors have faded now, as it's nearly ten years ago that I last went through it all.
But, I only remember stinging when I wee'd. I don't remember the first poo being a problem, though probably slightly constipated TBH
Also my two took to breast-feeding like a duckling to water ! I seriously didn't really need to be shown what to do ( except how to hold baby facing my body during excellent NCT class led by breast-feeding counsellor )

The only thing (virtually) that I found hard was getting them to stop !

Breast-fed DD till she was 4 ( finally weaned her with sticker chart of stars on Christmas tree ) Finally completely weaned son days after his sixth birthday by going away to the Lake District for a few days hol with a good friend ( Yes, I did say he was six ! )
BTW if anyone's shocked I think I've heard that weaning at six years is actually roughly the world average.

In any case there's no evidence it's done any harm. And the fact they were both such keen and regular nurslings may have contributed to my lack of problems !

I did find it challenging juggling the demands of two small children from an emotional point of view though.

Better say something positive to OP -
They are usually best of friends now though,
and two DC's makes for a great family ! :)

Can i just say how helpful it is as a first-timer and somewhat absolutely freaking out nervous about birth and all that follows, to read about other mums talking about poo and helpful tips in this department! Yay to mumsnetters!

I had DS1 (and only- fertility treatment rules!) 1 month ago and was more worried about the birth than I really let on to anyone except DP. But she was fab and did perineal massage for me (couldn't reach obv) several times a week from about 30 onwards. I really think it helped- had no tears etc only a small graze. Plus she kept me topped up with fluids and those ready-to-eat prunes and apricots in the first week to help prevent poo issues. (had become a problem in 3rd trimester).
so that's my advice- get a missus be prepared!!
ps we were also still "at it" til 37 weeks (only stopped cos i had that tummy muscle separation problem) and are now getting back to it.... i'm sure it counts as pelvic floor exercises??

nooo crossed out word thingy didn't work. grrr.

Oh, speaking of sprays, this was very soothing. I think I saw it recommended on MN previously. Anyway, I liked to think it relieved some discomfort.

Doh, seems I'm talking about the same product as FluffMacDuff. Go to this link to buy in UK.

I have a 10 week old ds2 (ds1 is two) and pregnancy and birth were both a breeze this time round.Had awful birth with my 1st -induced, ventouse, tear AND episiotomy, difficulty with feeding to start with etc etc, but this time I laboured at home and had my beautiful 2nd boy 40 mins after getting to the hospital- was an amazing experience- no intervention at all. The 5 or 6 weeks after that was also better this time as I wasn't so paranoid about everything (checking baby's still breathing every 5 mins IF I had been brave enough to put him down for a sleep that was, etc) but I did feel terribly guilty about not being able to give ds1 his usual attention quota.Also first post birth poo was AWFUL - again-but now 10 weeks on everything has settled down and I'm sooo happy with my 'lot'. So basically, be prepared to feel bad again, but not nearly as bad as the first time round. And get some lactulose in to prevent that horrible poo...

I was in a right state 5 weeks post-ds (no sleep, no roof on the house, terrible breast thrush, learning to walk again post-SPD...)

GP gave me the best advice which was "GET HELP! Phone every half-sane person you know, tell them your doctor said you need help, and even if you only trust them to rock your baby a bit under your strict supervision, it's worth doing so you can sit down."

And doing a supermarket shop online in under 5 minutes - just tick most of MyFavourites and add some quiches for no-effort high-calorie lunches.

Other tip was from HV - when the crying gets too much, get out and walk up the high street. If nothing else the traffic will block out the crying for a bit! And ds usually fell asleep by the time I got there.

I honestly felt I could have done cartwheels after 2nd baby. He was sooo much easier than DS1. I was soooo scared cos DS1 was a bit of a nightmare birth and I had quite a stay in hospital after.
DD (baby3) was no real bother either.
I got all worked up over the first wee & poo, and it turned out fine, not at all as painful as I remembered.
The only thing that was as bad as I remembered was the mahoosive boobs when milk came in, but even that is over with in a few days. Good luck, I'm sure all will be fine.

I was terrified when I was expecting DC2 (now 11 months), though I kept telling myself I'd survived it once so I could do it again.

Some things were better - easier labour, no stitches, no huge blood loss, poo/wee situation 100 times better than the last time... but some things were worse - horrible after pains, SDP, prolapse, separated tummy muscles and PND.

The worst thing is that NOBODY LOOKS AFTER YOU! Not like the first time. Admittedly, I had PND, so even if they had I might have felt they weren't, and instead of asking for what I needed I just got irritable and angry with the whole world, including DC1.

So I'd second the advice to make damn sure everyone knows you aren't yourself and need help, don't struggle on. Just because it's easier in those first 6 weeks than it was the first time doesn't mean your body/mind don't have recovering to do.

And I'd make sure you are prepared transport wise for two - I thought I could cope with baby in a sling and toddler in a buggy, but with the PSD, the tummy (and therefore back) and prolapse problems even bending over to do the straps up was agony, not to mention when DC1 cried and needed a cuddle. And it was so cold, they both cried every time we left the house and my rain coat didn't do up over the sling. If I did this all over again I'd solve that problem by staying in and watching CBeebies till spring.

i couldn't pee after DS1andonly so had to be catheterised, afterwards at home when i peed i poured salty warm water over my bits. the salt is sort of antiseptic? and is nice and soothing for sore bits. and dry with a hairdryer on cool setting so yoiu don't have to rub with loo paper or towel. wouldn't advise wet wipes or similar bum wipes as most of them contain alcohol which isn't good on sore skin. and put vaseline on your bum if you're worried about poo- makes it easier to wipe as well. (sorry if tmi, but my work does give me useful info... i work in the GU clinic!!) instillagel is fab... antiseptic and local anaesthetic and nicely cooling all at once.

For weeing afterwards with DD (DC2), I stood in the shower and ran it on cold over my sensitive areas while I weed. Saved me having to wipe (hairdryers with a "cool" setting are fabulous, or failing that, really soft, rusty red coloured towels!) and the cold water was a godsend due to internal scrapes which hurt more while urinating than the episiotomy I had with DS.

As for pooing, both times I managed to hold out for a day or two, by which point my muscles were in a little better shape. Also, wherever possible, have someone in the house who doesn't mind if you're a while in the loo. Being able to sit on the toilet and wait for poos to just happen from pressure etc. (sorry, TMI I know) then the relaxing helps all the more. Stool softeners are also good. If lactulose is no good then docots should be able to prescribe summat else.

First wee under the shower or sitting in the bath in water. First poo - I'm with you - drink lots of water and if you can, use a glycerine suppository first it can ease the way .
I don't recommend looking in the mirror and examining the post birth body - I found I was much happier stuffing myself into a type of corset under dark but flattering (and probably still maternity) clothes.

If you can fix your hair and make up and get showered - simple things, you can feel a lot better.

That's just covering the superficial stuff. I'll leave the others to comment on the other stuff (8 pages?) assuming you've got good advice already, just wishing you the best of luck with the birth.

I would like a 2nd DC, even though I said that I never would. DD's birth was fairly traumatic, Induced (due to GD) at 39 weeks, contractions started straight away so was in agony from Friday morning until Sunday lunchtime when I was finally dilated enough for them to break my waters. I then had a failed epidural (numb only down one side so couldn't move but could feel EVERYTHING).

Ended up with ventouse with epi.

BUT after the catheter had been removed, suddenly decided that I needed the loo, got up, went to the hospital loos, did a wee without even thinking about it (strangely ) and got back to bed. Next day, back home, decided I needed a poo, again, didn't think about it, went to the loo did a poo, no pain. That was it. However, I did bleed for 8 weeks and still get pain 'down there' everytime AF shows up and DD is now 18 months old! I guess I'll always have it.

Everyone's different I guess, but I'm sure your new DC will make up for all of it!

I am in the states and here they dose you up with 'stool softener' and as many painkillers as you need when they discharge you and frankly i just remember being blissed out for the first week so i guess stool softeners are the way to go.the drugs did work.

Piece of piss second time around. Even the sleepless nights etc are easier, you're so used to having no time for yourself that it barely even registers.

DD2 is a much worse sleeper than her big sister was, but somehow doesn't bother me as much.

Good luck!

I was totally shocked how i felt sooo fine after dd2, almost felt completely backto noramal down there the next day!

Whereas with dd1 i felt very sore couldnt stand without jigging around cos my bits hurt!

And the wee with dd1 was evil..i was very worried bout it 2nd time..but had my first wee with dd2 and felt nothing nit one bit of burning..very strange

Had my 1st 7 months ago and I was terrified of birth.I was so prepared with everything that i bought etc....had gas and air,hypnobirthing and finaly got an epidural-for a birth that doctor and midwifes had originaly considered to be a "piece of cake that will take you 1 hour!".they also told me when i went in with dialation 6 that "You will sneeze the second one out!" so not! one final moment before her head come out she stuck and needed a c-section!so dont worry you never know how things will turn out whatever you do in advance.
my recommendation for that first poo etc is to take soft wet tissues with aloe vera at the hospital as well as some bath salts to soak in after.in addition anice seeds tea(mediteranean origins) or some peppermint will help you a lot to cope.