to not be scared of giving birth but be freaked out...

[OnlyWantsOne]

...by the 6 weeks that follow?

I remember sitting on the loo when DD was about 5 weeks old, she was screaming to be fed, i hurt all over, feeling disgusting and hating my ruined body oozing everywhere with sore bits and being pretty fed up TBH.

So, im 39 weeks, and I have started to dread the next bit... people keep phoning me (WHY do they think that it's ok to do this??) and asking if Ive had the baby yet... and Im dreading going for a wee and it making me cry.

Or that first poo.

Oh... heck

I am shocked any of the gorgeous women here on Planet MN would spend money on what is effectively the 21st century equivalent of the winceyette nightie. And with reindeer on. the style police should shoot you LOL.

Boffin I am certainly a far off way from gorgeous. Although I like your optimism.

Well buying nightwear with reindeer on is just giving in IMO.

I think by about 6 weeks you're saying in your head 'OK baby, the joke is over now, let's get some sleep' and then you realise it's not a joke at all.

Worst thing I contended with was a thrombosed haemorrhoid after DS's birth; twas very memorable in a very bad way.

The only poo I recall was after DD1, who was also DC1 -- the rest can't have been all that traumatic.

I second LadyFrienze's really good advice here. I also recommend a little squirty bottle with warm water for when wiping time comes, like a portable bidet.

And do your Kegels!

Post-partum with a December baby, bleeding and leaking heavily, swollen and looking and feeling likr shit om toaat is my only opportunity to legitimately wear Primark cheap fluffy pyjamas with reindeer on and I am therefore seizing it with both hands.

It will ensure any visitors get the message that I am not my usual self and therefore they will treat me like an invalid and make me tea and not outstay their welcome and this is A Very Good Thing.

Hence my recommendation to OWO to avail herself of this opportunity to put down a very clear visual marker that All Is Not Normal because she Has Just had A Baby so Pass The Fucking Biscuits and Painkillers and Be Nice.

So there's method to the madness, Miffster. Very clever.

A large gin and tonic!

Absolutely agree, Miffster. Nothing says Crazy Post-Partum Lady like reindeer pyjamas. I now have an excuse to get a pair. (Actually, I secretly like a little festive jammie action, so it may not have the desired effect.)

mathanxiety I want to know about the thrombosed haemorrhoid but I sort of don't at the same time. I may have to google - though I am nervous

I suffered badly last time with haemorroids after DS (DC3) was born. MW said, 'Hmm - you may need to get those looked at'. So I'm dreading this time. I've escaped up til now - and have just had my first pre-birth one (nice).

Do not google it -- NO NO NO [horrified]

It had to be lanced and the only thing anyone needs to know is that I felt like dancing the polka immediately after.

I did google it
Fascinating stuff
Glad I was spared that

ladies NO WE ALL KNOW WE DO NOT GOOGLE!!!!!

Back to the Buddy Bench with me then.

Only if you are wearing style averse pjs

well buying the PJs from primark isnt as bad as spending all the money on these and bleeding all over them

Red silky pjs have to be the answer.

Or these

mmm perhaps. May send DP to ASDA to get me some jimmers then.

It will be fine. Second time it is easier....even if the events are different or you have more intervention than first time it's still easier because you are coping with a known thing,,,,your mind and body have done it before and that makes a massive diff, whatever happens on the day. Good luck and the cuddles after will outweigh the yukky bits.....just get lots help frm fam ifu can.....it's so diff going home with baby second time round, calmer, easier, you will wonder what the drama was first time around! Also my dd1 was a christmas baby....it's a lovely time of year to have a baby.....all snug and cosy and wrapped up in pram, Moses, cot, your arms.....! Versus my dd2, this July....hot and sweaty breastfeeding, sweaty cuddles! Hot nights...arrrgh....I'm glad the cold has arrived....just need a better buggy for the girls now, I have loads snow and my car froze shut today! We were housebound...argggggh! Hugs and just go for it on the day.....that first cup after will be delicious...you will enjoy the rest...you will remember how much newborns sleep.......loads! Equals rest and time to eat Xmas goodies. X

Just have to share this: mumstuff.co.uk. I was given the bottom spray and balm and itreally helped with weeing and general feeling of being sore. Definitely the most useful post-birth thing I was given.

Also recommend perineal massage.....

sparkly rainbow , dont worry my ds is four months so birth is relatively fresh in my mind , i had a epi and lots of gas and air and found it relatively pain free (apart from being in the begining stages of labour for two days, i went in calm put my trust in the midwives and was not shy to ask for pain relief, i wish someone had warned me about the ring of fire though i was not expecting that at all if i had known i would have done the perineal massage i have since heard about,
this may be tmi but after birth i had grazes a small tear and ds had come out back to back every time i had a wee it was likes weeing fire , i used one of those big plastic dishes you use to wash your dishes in filled it with cool clean water (put a towel underneath i misjudged how much to fill the bowl a few times)stuck my bottom in and the water instantly diluted the wee making it almost pain free , it was my dh,s idea after seeing me almost in tears trying to go too the loo i will be eternally grateful, be strict with your guests a lot of mine outstayed there welcome , snuggle up with your baby and give yourself all the time you need to recover , good luck

oh and huge primark bucket knickers were a lifesaver two it think they cost something like two pounds for six , so comfortable and you dont care when they start to unravel!

sorry too not two

if you're in hospital ask for some instillagel to go home with- it's anaesthetic and antiseptic gel that doesn't sting... put it on sore bits before peeing and washing.

Lavender in the bath.

drying with a hairdrier

REGULAR paracetamol every 6 hours (cocodamols are great, but the codeine in them can be really constipating, I wouldn't take them without lactulose or senna, or both)

arnica tablets every two hours

proper maternity pads (although tesco maxi night time cheapo pads worked well for me- bled for 6 weeks after. blergh)- i love eek, can't remember who's idea about incontinence pads.

BIG BAGGY tracky bums and skirts (don't even need pants then)- don't even THINK of putting any jeans on for at least a month!!

like the idea of starting lactulose pre delivery- stocking up with prunes etc,

if you're not squeemish, ask for some plastic gloves to go home with so you can hold it all together 'support' yourself for the first poo.

take time to do pelvic floor exercises- don't worry if things don't feel normal for a while, especially if breast feeding

Apparently if you massage you perineum with almond oil, it makes things easier. The only problem I had was, with short arms and a large bump, and being slightly off balance, I couldn't reach. DH tried his best, don't know if it made any difference.

I did take raspberry leaf tablets for the last 2 weeks, the mw said that she didn't know if they made any difference, but didn't think they would do any harm at that stage. They are supposed to provoke/help labour.

For those yet to go through this, the pooing uses the perineal muscles, it's not just a question of your anal sphincter relaxing and letting the poo out. After umpteen hours of labour they are in about the same condition as if the poor things have done the whole 3 levels of the 30 minute shred all on their own. So.....they find it a bit difficult.

Looking back, I nearly pulled the red cord, cos I had this poo half in, half out, iyswim. Fortunately the bidet next to the loo, had a shower attachment so that I was able to spray underneath which softened the poo and helped it out. Such relief. When I told the mws they all ptsl. When one of them had recovered enough to be capable of speech, she said she was glad I hadn't pulled the cord, cos they wouldn't have come anywhere me and handed me a pack with a sanitory towel in, and said if I had any trouble next time to push that against my bits, to help.

Glycerine suppositories help as they melt and soften the edges a little, as well as helping the poo to slide out.

Good luck to one and all.