to think the teacher could have stopped ds from walking out of school this morning?

[whoops]

I have a few issue with ds and his behaviour and this morning was one of those mornings where he wanted to kick off.

I caught him swearing at another child and then he swore at me. I told him that he wouldn't be going to football this evening (this incident was football related) he then starts punching me as I'm taking him into school.

As we get through the doors he sits himself down and makes lots of noise. Teacher on the door tells him not to sit there and behave like that while other children are going into school. I pick him up and start taking him towards the classroom.

One of his class teachers has come to see what is going on at this point. Ds then starts hitting and kicking me so I put him down and teacher gets hold of him for me. Ds then breaks free and heads out of the School past the teacher on the door who stands there and watches. I complained that she could have stopped him but I was told he was my responsibility as I was in the school dealing with him.

Thankfully he stopped before getting to the main gates but we live on a main road which he has to cross 3 other main roads to get to so if he decided that was what was going to do I dread to think what would happen to him.

AIBU to think the teacher could have helped a little but stopping him from leaving the school?

whoops, we are not all criticising you- it is up to you if you choose to listen to those who are just criticising or to those of us who are trying to offer constructive advice

in my own case this would be:

keep trying to get him diagnosed- yes, it's crap, but you have to keep on trying if this is what you genuinely believe he needs

(I had to try a hell of a long time to get dd diagnosed with totally different disorder and it included some very hairy moments- but it was well worth it)

keep asking your GP for another referral

accept that you may have to go back to the mental health team more than once or twice before a problem is finally sorted (dd is just about to start on her fourth round)

try to work with the teachers and accept that just as you may sometimes fail to make the right decision in a split second, so may they

also accept that they won't necessarily know your ds in the same way that you do

the whole thing does sound absolutely awful, but you need to try to get the school working for you

I don't think that anyone was criticising-just explaining why the teacher didn't react in the way that you wished. You are not a bad mother-you are bothered by it and want help -which is good. Make an appointment at school and ask for help-tell them that you are struggling and need support.

Just seen your replied to my post earlier down

really hope your ok whoops

I think cory gives good advice on this thread

maybe try posting in sn to get advice on how to get the scho ol to listen to your concerns

hold your head up and don't give up, you are not a bad mother xxx

hope you're okay whoops -the situation sounds really difficult for you

Sorry Cory, I have recread your posts, I thought when I first started reading posts you were corygal.

Before the summer holidays I had a meetingwith the senco, themental health team and his class teacher and it was decided that he would only need ELSA support. This wasn't put in place until after October half term

I had a meeting with the head 2 weeks after coming back after the school holidays as ds had been fighting for which he was internally exclude, we spoke about the Ed Psych and other resources that could be accessed. As the half term approached I wrote a letter of compaint to the school as the ELSA support had still not been put in place, I also asked about the Ed Psych that had been talked about but I was told in the reply from the head that ds wouldn't be seen by the EP until he had been getting the ELSA support.

I've been trying for a few years now to get support for us with ds's behaviour but the right people never seem to see it, other parents have commented about his behaviour but the mental health team haven't seen his behaviour at it's worst like I have or teachers get although I am glad a teacher (who is also the senco) witnessed what happened this morning

maybe you could video him to show health professionals and keep a diary. Could you afford a private psychologist?

If you post on SN you will get a much more sympathetic hearing and "meet" others who have been there.

whoops, have you spoken to the SEN team at your local authority? I used to work for one and this is exactly the sort of issue I would have been called in to help with.

There is actually a lot of constructive advice on this thread if you pick it out, but I agree that AIBU is not the best place to put a personal discussion like this.

I am so sorry you're not recieving the support you need....it must be very worrying for you.

I hope you will keep asking the people here for advice...there are som very in-the-know people on the SN board.

I have had wonderful help for some troubles....good luck!

The teacher had to supervise the other 29 kids coming into school - much as she might have wanted to go charging off after him - if something had then kicked off in class she would have been in bother there. Since you were there - I would have acted the same.

It's a flipping nightmare when you get a persistent stormer outer in your class as well. I've had to teach numerous times from the doorway of a classroom one leg either side of the threshole to supervise a disgruntled chap who's decided to go off out in a huff (thankfully my stormy characters never got anywhere more daring than the bookcase at the end of the corridor), the class I'm teaching, while sending a kid to run an errand to fetch me backup because I physically can't be in both places at once. At one point (I had a classroom with three exits to it) I had a class with multiple very troubled kids I was having naff all success getting any help with - and they ALL decided to take themselves off out of different doors within the space of five minutes.

The other reason I would have left it to you is that in the past, when I HAVE jumped in and said something to a child acting up when their parent was present (and it was just something like "oh no don't do that - go and hang your coat up and sit down") I got sworn at for fifteen minutes in response. Therefore - parent in room = parent in charge unless I'm asked otherwise. I would have left your son to you, and sent a runner to go fetch a TA or someone as backup - but wouldn't have been able to leave the rest of the class unsupervised to go childwrangling.

And yes, it's rubbish if they're needing help but not "bad" enough to warrant actually getting the help - been there with kids in the past trying desperately to get them the help while they were three foot tall balls of anger and aggression BEFORE they became five foot tall balls of anger and aggression (and quite possibly sharp stabby objects too) - with no luck at all and it made me incredibly angry (a much rounder ball of anger and frustration?).

Sorry whoops - I am really not being mean to you.

I meant to convey, way back 100 posts ago, that of course yr DS's problem isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility to deal with.

Which is all very well for smug people like me to trot out with - sorry. I wouldn't relish dealing with yr DS' behaviour much myself, while clutching a 6 yr old and in work clothes, if that helps. You have evidently bust a gut with no response or assistance, no wonder you are struggling.

Well done on the parenting classes - they will prob make your life easier - and good luck on getting him some more psych help.