to think the teacher could have stopped ds from walking out of school this morning?

[whoops]

I have a few issue with ds and his behaviour and this morning was one of those mornings where he wanted to kick off.

I caught him swearing at another child and then he swore at me. I told him that he wouldn't be going to football this evening (this incident was football related) he then starts punching me as I'm taking him into school.

As we get through the doors he sits himself down and makes lots of noise. Teacher on the door tells him not to sit there and behave like that while other children are going into school. I pick him up and start taking him towards the classroom.

One of his class teachers has come to see what is going on at this point. Ds then starts hitting and kicking me so I put him down and teacher gets hold of him for me. Ds then breaks free and heads out of the School past the teacher on the door who stands there and watches. I complained that she could have stopped him but I was told he was my responsibility as I was in the school dealing with him.

Thankfully he stopped before getting to the main gates but we live on a main road which he has to cross 3 other main roads to get to so if he decided that was what was going to do I dread to think what would happen to him.

AIBU to think the teacher could have helped a little but stopping him from leaving the school?

I feel for you. A good friend of mine went to a similar thing (althoough, her son was a bit younger) and the teachers never tried to help. I always thought this was odd but the concensus seem to be against us.

I hope it was a one off. Wishing you all the best.

No you shouldn't expect a teacher to physically restrain a violent 9 year old - especially not when you are there.

YABU - your child, your responsibility. Teachers act in loco parentis in place of the parents - but you were there, weren't you. I'm assuming that the door did not open directly on to the main road, but even so, many 9 year olds walk home from school alone. Why are you expecting a teacher to risk being assaulted by your out of control son?

nope apparently he has no SN

he is small only weighs about 19kilo's and looks the size of a 6 yr old!

I expect the teachers are concerned about issues such as assault charges being leveled against them.

Also the teacher on the door was supervising the children coming into the school wasn't she? It's a bit unfair to ask her to do that task (where those children's parents are present) and to have to "grab" your child.

It all sounds horrible though.

Whoops, I think you need to put your own house in order before looking at others to blame.

What the teacher should have/could have done is missing the point. The point is that your DS kicked off, physically violent towards you and then feels it is acceptable to walk out of school in front of you & his teachers.

Reading your later post, it appears he has done it before when you are not even there.

I think the teacher was right. You were there as the parent, it was your job to deal with it.

should say children's parents' are NOT present. duh

Whoops - I hope you're ok. If this is happening regularly maybe he needs checking out? Have the school riased any issues about his behaviour?

Even if he has been tested as no SN, he's clearly got additional needs, don't worry about what the teacher didn't on this occasion - if you're doing this kind of thing everyday it must be incredibly stressful! You need to be arranging some kind of plan for if he behaves like this in the future, could there be a free room to take him to relax after kicking off? With no doors to be running out of?

I teach in secondary; if a pupils walks out it is school policy to inform the parent that the young person has chosen to leave the site and the school cannot be responsible. I'm not sure what else anyone would expect in a secondary school with hundreds of other pupils. We cannot chase pupils all over the place; neither would it be advisable. Obviously with a SN pupil a risk assessment and other procedures are in place.

In the case of the OP i would imagine staff had other pupils to deal with and also had no desire to get hit or kicked themselves

bigchris, I'm ok just fed up with lack of support from the school, He has been assessed by a mental health team twice and we have been refered to the same agency a 3rd time by a mental health nurse that his nephrologist refered us to but this agency don't seem to think there are any issues as they always do 1-1 work with him and he is a bright child that knows what he needs to say

YABU, unfortunately. Why do you think it was the teacher's job to restrain your out-of-control, violent child when you are there?

It's interesting to find out that yr DS has these problems if your first reaction to that type of behaviour is to not deal with it.

You still did not deal with his behaviour when your DS was in danger, as you point out yourself.

How have you dealt with the violence and aggression so far - in the same way, ie, not dealing with it?

Do you think parenting classes could help? Your DS is getting to an age where his behaviour will get him into a worse problem than nearby traffic, regrettably. Could you suggest a school meeting to tackle the family needs?

corygal, I was dealing with his behaviour but it is a little difficult when being attacked at the same time and also thinking of the welfare of my 6yr old dd.
I think your post is a bit extreme. I ran after him but when I am in heels it isn't the easiest thing to do.

As for parenting classes I am starting an incredible years class tomorrow but I don't seem to get any support from anywhere else with he behaviour even though I have spoken to various people who don't seem to think there are any issues although after today I think they have now seen there are

Mjinhiding - he wasn't suspended, he calmed down and went into class fine after apologising to me!

Giddy pickle, I wasn't asking the teacher to deal with him just stop or slow him down so I could get him, I was running after him but I had a 6yr old holding onto me and heels to try and run in so it wasn't the fact I wasn't dealing with him I just wanted him stopped from getting too far

if he had have been suspended I would have asked for work from the school and made him do that

GiddyPickle "his behaviour isn't being helped by you persisting with the attitude that someone else apart from you and him must be to blame for your inability to make him behave and for his inability to comply with pretty reasonable instructions."

I completely agree with this. It really annoys me when people abdicate responsibility for their children's behaviour. You, his parents, are responsible for his behaviour and keeping him under control. If you're having trouble doing that, don't expect the teachers to pick up the slack; not when he's behaving in a violent way.

Think about what would have happened if the teacher HAD tried to stop him. What would he have done ? Kicked her? Pushed her ? Punched her? YABU to think that the teacher should have put herself in the line of fire but rather than focusing on her actions, I think you need to decide what action you need to take next in order to address his behaviour WHATEVER the causes might be.

It may not have occurred to the teacher that walking out of school was putting him into danger: an NT 9yo may be expected to deal safely with walking down the road, and you were there and could run after him to deal with the discipline side of things. But basically, you would expect there to be time for the parent to deal with it.

My 9yo made his own way home from school every day last year and also used to pop down the shops on his own. Unless I knew about severe SN, I just wouldn't look at a 9yo walking down the road and think "danger" (though I would think "truanting").

If you think there is a special reason why your son needs special care- and tbh it sounds as if there is, then you need to work hard at getting the school to recognise that your ds needs special help. Which will be difficult without a diagnosis. But really needs to be done- at the moment, they are working on the assumption that he is NT and can be treated like any NT child; this probably isn't fair on him.