To expect those of you who flamed me (and those who didn't) to help me...

[MarniesMummy]

OK, in short, I am bricking DD3's potty training after the horrible experience that was training DD1 (which isn't yet complete as she still has wet knickers after 4 years!!!)

I was hoping to leave it to the good pre-school folk (which was the point at which some of you flamed me) but it turns out she has to be dry to begin pre-school (in January). Many have said Christmas is a bad time to do it so today we are going for it.

I have potty on a mat with tissues and every time she wees/poos as well as cheering from me she gets a treat. We began with a square of chocolate and this has meant she's been doing a (micro) wee/poo every 5 mins so I've been giving her fruit treats, though I figure these 5 minute wee/poos won't last forever so I'm still rewarding each one.

We had a chat and picked out knickers and we're in front of the TV so she's in her element.

Anyone got anything to add? Anything I'm doing wrong? If you're going to comment please give me plenty of reasoning as to why I should/shouldn't be doing something as I have no confidence in my potty training abilities despite this being DC number 3.

Thanks in advance, sorry for saying in short, when clearly this is nothing of the sort!

Also, I have to pick up from school this afternoon. What then? How do I do it?

Sounds like you're doing a great job already although you might want to scale it down to just verbal praise rather than chocolates! It's just practice & patience, really. For the school run (half an hour max?), sit her on the potty before you go... don't give her any drinks... take clean pants with you just in case. I'm sure she'll be fine.

I didn't think pre schools could discriminate between potty trained children and not.

Otherwise you seem to be doing all the right things, ds1 was a nightmare but ds2 was easy, I did the Gina ford way and it worked great :)

Have you got the Gina Ford Potty Training in a week book?

I can highly recommend it!

Stay calm, be consistent and as long as the signs are there, it'll be OK and in a few days you will get the hang of how long she goes before needing next wee. do a chart if you need to, put the times and ask her every 5m to sit on the potty and praise!

good luck, it'll be OK

I don't get it. Every pre-school in this area takes children in pull-ups. I have worked in several, and no fuss is made about accidents.

Anyway, your bribery sounds ok.

At pick-up time, you could risk going out in pants if she has used the potty recently, or just use a nappy for in the car.

Just say 'You'd better have a nappy for the car/long cold walk.'

At home, big clever girl back on potty/pants now etc.

Don't worry so much.

Bribery should work a treat.

You are doing really well with the 'only be nice about it' technique.

I used stickers, so my DS has still got teeth

Don't put her in pull ups, just make sure that you've got clean clothes.

Agree offer a wee before you go out, and memorise location of all available facilities.

And soon you'll be in the joyous stage where she can get you out of whatever shop your enjoying being in by claiming that she needs a wee!

And remember that your children are individuals, so just because the last one was hard work doesn't mean that this one will be!

Also, gradually make the reward smaller.

Chocolate dots maybe, like the ones to put in cookies.

Fruit flakes are good as they are tiny but delicious.

Get your older children to praise her too!

When they said dry, I think they meant, she has to be out of nappies rather than we'll boot her out if she has an accident.
I can't just send her as she is but just in a pull up though, that's not fair. I'd rather fess up to my 'issue' with training and send her in a nappy.

But anyway, that's not the road I've chosen!

She's run out of 5 minute wee/poos. Yay!

She keeps feeling her bum though, is it just because she can now there's no nappy there?

Sounds like it's going well! My son feels to check he hasn't weed maybe she's doing that?

I used stickers with DD's 1&2. DD1 was great (she was the first to show signs of being ready) but stopped as soon as the stickers stopped, even though I phased them out slowly. DD2 took longer to get it (2 weeks) but carried on being dry after the stickers stopped.

That's why I'm using food (and not just chocolate).

If she's pooing in the potty already, then that is a great achievement. It took my DD a little while to feel happy pooing in the potty even though she was happy to wee in it.

Keep up the praise. Sounds like you are doing a fab job.

Bring the potty in the car. I brought potty in car, to park etc for first 2 weeks or so. I was dreading it with my 3 year old and it went really well!! She kept feeling her bum too, think it was feeling of air!. Good luck

Sounds like you are doing okay - but avoid Pull-Ups my SIL rues the day she went down that route - my nieces aged 4 and 6 are still in them at night.

In my experience DC's use them just like nappies.

Wigglesrock The Potty in the car makes sense. I also spotted on the "Plain POtty" thread a suggestion of disposable mats on car seats. We've got lots of these so I'll use that too.

Though I hated it before I do remember never doing pullups (except at night) or going back in nappies once they're out.

I am not hating this as much as I thought (in fact at all) but I guess the real test will be in about a weeks time.

~I wouldn't put her in nappies again now, think that is very confusing for them.

put a towel on top of a plastic bag in her car seat.

really over do the praise ring up relatives to 'tell them the news' about how amazing she is (pretend if no one around to ring)

tell everyone on the school run etc

and when she has an accident, just say 'oh well use the potty next time' and then say nothing else about it. Don't mention it to anyone in her earshot.

Basically praise the good ignore the bad.

Worked wonders with DS2.

Pull ups were a god-send for us.

DD started asking to use the toilet whenever me or DH went (at 2.2), even if she didn't need to go, but she wasn't ready for full potty training yet.

We used the pull-ups so that it was easier to let her try if she wanted to. We also started regularly asking her if she wanted to go.

Within a fortnight she was doing all her poos on the toilet and within a month she was completely dry in the day and in pants. No stress, not many accidents. She always used the toilet as well - she only showed an interest in the potty after she was trained (which also meant the potty stayed in the toilet rather than wandering around the house).

She is still in pull ups at night (3.2), but meh - there's no rush. She does keep asking not to have a nappy on and has been told that if she manages a week of dry nappies, she won't have to wear them anymore.

I am thinking about trying the sitting her on the toilet when we go to bed, but if she wakes up she will demand a drink and then be wet by the morning anyway.

If she's still in them at 5, then I'll start to fret

Personally I wouldn't put her back into nappies at all during the day - I think it just confuses them as to when you can & can't pee in your pants. Just wear pants during the day.

When doing the school run / car journies make sure she's had a pee before you go & get 1) a car seat protector so you don't have to worry about accidents in the car (cheap on Ebay) and b)if you don't have one - get a Potette Plus (Mothercare or Boots sell them) - it folds flat, comes with disposable bags (so you don't have to carry round wee / poop) and the Plus folds out to make a loo seat inner too. If you've got that in the bottom of the buggy you can stop for a wee anywhere. We still have ours in the car for use in traffic jams, rainy / windy laybys.

Also make yourself a chart of hits / almosts / misses as it's easy to focus on the negatives and not see that your child is actually making progress.

Good luck

I would

I used chocolate too, but after a few days it was at the end of the day if done well instead of after each one. It worked.

Thank you, these are all excellent posts and tips.

GraceK and Whoknowswhatthefutureholds that's excellent. The first few days are always not too bad but then the hell can begin. BonniePrinceBilly thanks for your post on the other thread.

We're about to get ready for the school run but so far today no accidents. We are definitely going to ring some relatives before she goes to bed tonight .

This is precisely the sort of thing that Grandmothers and Granny's are great at indulging us in!!! That is sheer genius!!!

Thank you . That's in lieu of a emoticon.

i'd keep up the rewards until she is reliable.

my experience of pull-ups is limited, but when a messy poo goes in one, it is hell to remove....not necessary to train anyway though they work ok for some people.

if she is reasonable but not 100% when she goes to nursery that's ok - so long as you've put in foundations watching other kids go will boost her belief that it is the right thing to do! also don't be disappointed if you do really well at home, and then she regresses when she goes - it is a new situation and she won't be so sure of herself at first.

otherwise, i have nothing to add other than that:

potty training is a positive exercise - you are training them to believe potty/toilet = good. you don't need to train the negative side beyond the 'next time on the potty' suggested above.

accidents happen, but don't mean you aren't making progress - every time you get a wee/poo and reward it, that's progress.

pull ups tear down the side :o

if only i'd known....

grimaces

If she is doing micro wees and poos every five minutes then it seems like she has very good control, which is great, she is definitely ready for the potty.

That doesn't mean that she won't have the occasional accident, which I would say 'oh dear, never mind, next time in the potty' or something like that.

I don't see why you would need to buy a book, just a waste of money, it sounds like you are doing fine.

I never used chocolate as a reward, but if that is working, then I think you should keep that up for the time being -just one smartie or chocolate button each time.

at not knowing that pull ups tear on the sides!

Pull ups are expensive and a relatively recent invention so in theory children should not need them to potty train.

In practise, I found them great for ds.

Don't need to buy a book Belgo as I think I own every book on the subject ever printed in the joy that is training DD1!

Must go to school now.
Thank you all, I'm sadly certain that I won't be leaving this thread behind for a few weeks yet till (hopefully) the job is done.

My DS wanted to potty train at around 23 months (some other kis at nursery were) so we went out and bought some 'big boy pants' (pull ups - very excited about having bob the builder on them) but within 5 minutes he was hysterical. Took me a minute to realise that he'd weed in them.
He now gets really upset about it and refuses to try again and he's going to be 3 soon. What do I do? He always uses the toilet immediately after a shower/bath but refuses to try wearing anything other than a nappy because he's scared he'll have an accident (despite me telling him it doesn't really matter, he insists it does).